Disobedience/Defiance

John's Most Recent Articles

Don't Make Santa Claus Into a Boogie Man

Posted on 12/6/2022

Okay, stop it! Enough, already! I guess we need some rules around here, beginning and ending with, “Don’t make Santa Claus into a boogie man.” I know him personally and he’s the...

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Homeschool Discipline Problems

Posted on 9/6/2022

Q: Ever since toddlerhood, we have had significant behavior problems with our 6-year-old son—defiance and general disrespect, mostly. We have tried various disciplinary approaches with...

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'Parenting' vs. Child-Rearing

Posted on 8/23/2022

“The goal of parenting is not to control, coerce or punish children into being ‘good.’ The goal of parenting is to grow children who can feel all of their feelings and become empathic...

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Back Off on Daughter’s Eyeliner Use

Posted on 6/28/2022

Q: Our 14-year-old daughter is a rising high school sophomore. We let her wear eyeliner this past year, but she is wearing entirely too much. She is well-adjusted (plays sports, good grades) but...

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What Should Single Mom Do About Disrespectful Son?

Posted on 6/7/2022

Q: I’m a single mother with a 13-year-old son. His father, whom he sees infrequently, has PTSD from battle experiences. My son has anger toward his father, but I can’t get him to talk about it....

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Kids Need Parents Who Are Authentic Adults

Posted on 3/22/2022

The contemporary parenting ideal consists of equal parts fixer, go-fer, and friend, which is why, when it is encountered in the flesh by someone of my ancient age, the new definition of a “good...

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Is This Battle Worth It?

Posted on 12/29/2021

Q: I have six-month- and thirty-two-month-old boys. The older one—well-mannered, easy going, very affectionate—attends a preschool program three mornings a week. This is his second year there. ...

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Time Out for Disrespectful 6-Year-old

Posted on 12/21/2021

Q: Whenever—and I most definitely mean every single time—I ask my six-year-old daughter to do something, she becomes very disrespectful. She stomps her foot, yells at me that I make her do...

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Using the ‘Dry Run’ for Tantrums

Posted on 11/16/2021

Q: My almost four-year-old daughter is generally well-behaved except for screaming and running away from me when we leave a store, the library, etc. before she’s ready to go. She pulls away from...

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Kids Don’t Need Curing, They Need Correcting

Posted on 5/18/2021

No small number of today’s parents view their children through psychological lenses, especially when it comes to misbehavior. Instead of regarding a given misbehavior as simply an error that needs...

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Recent Questions

A TYRANT IN THE MAKING

Posted 5 days ago

Any suggestions to tactfully tell your adult parenting children that they are making a monster out of their 4 year old by trying to coddle him at every snag in his day. They are using some...

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Attention-Getting Antics Working for 4YO

Posted 2 weeks ago

Our question is about punishment for our 4½ year old girl. Usually we ask her to stand in a circle on the floor, or we send her to her room for the rest of the night, or a fixed amount of time, no...

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Anger Mismanagement

Posted 3 weeks ago

My 11.5 year old, quite academic son, is very respectful outside home and loved by his teachers. In past few years he is lacking anger management and becomes disrespectful (especially with mom)...

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The Doctor is In

Posted on 11/29/2022

Help! Our daughter is 5 and has become defiant and disobedient. For example she will come to us and say "I know I'm not supposed to (enter action) but I did." She said she's being truthful by...

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Pest Control

Posted on 11/17/2022

Our 5-year-old daughter has come a long way with her behavior in the last year, but the top two biggest issues still are 1) her never ending pestering and annoying. She pesters and annoys those...

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Silly boy, listening is for kids

Posted on 11/13/2022

Our 4 year old was a pretty good listener right up to when he turned 4. We've weathered some big tantrums, which seem to mostly be in decline (frequency & length). Now, he has started to just "be...

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10 Year Old with Violent Fits, Divorced Parents and "trifecta of diagnoses"

Posted on 10/13/2022

My 10 year old son has the adoptive trifecta of diagnoses: "on the autism spectrum", oppositional defiant disorder, and ADHD. Sometimes he has violent fits - although now they're down to 1 or 2...

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10 YEAR OLD WITH DEMONS?

Posted on 10/5/2022

I have been asking questions and seeking advice for a time. Had a coach, but my husband discontinued service. Last time I wrote I mentioned, My husband said we should cut it at the root. He...

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Raising Believers

Posted on 8/30/2022

We just started the ticket system and we have one target misbehavior for our 4 year old. Following directions. For example, when he loses a ticket because he doesn’t listen when we ask him to...

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The Compass Points South: A 15-Year-Old’s Craving for Independence

Posted on 8/29/2022

I have a 15 year old daughter that I used to call my "compass" as she was such an easy child to raise. But, the last 2 years have been difficult. Now, I haven't spoken to her for 3 days because I...

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