Miscellaneous Discipline Problems

John's Most Recent Articles

Help Son Learn to Give and Take In Conversation

Posted on 11/15/2022

Q: My just-turned four-year-old repeats things he has heard or has said before. For example, even though my brother’s family moved away nearly two years ago, whenever we drive by their...

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School Principal Asks About Discipline

Posted on 10/25/2022

Q: I am a principal at a private church-affiliated school. Contrary to my graduate school training and most of my peers’ practice, I believe disciplinary actions should "fit the crime."...

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'Parenting' vs. Child-Rearing

Posted on 8/23/2022

“The goal of parenting is not to control, coerce or punish children into being ‘good.’ The goal of parenting is to grow children who can feel all of their feelings and become empathic...

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What Should Single Mom Do About Disrespectful Son?

Posted on 6/7/2022

Q: I’m a single mother with a 13-year-old son. His father, whom he sees infrequently, has PTSD from battle experiences. My son has anger toward his father, but I can’t get him to talk about it....

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Kids Need Parents Who Are Authentic Adults

Posted on 3/22/2022

The contemporary parenting ideal consists of equal parts fixer, go-fer, and friend, which is why, when it is encountered in the flesh by someone of my ancient age, the new definition of a “good...

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‘Parenting’ vs Childrearing

Posted on 1/25/2022

I often go looking for parenting ideas that illustrate the difference between so-called “parenting” and mere childrearing. They abound. My latest find came in the form of a 2018 article on...

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No New Tricks To Raising Kids

Posted on 11/30/2021

What is “gentle parenting”? It did not take much investigation for me to conclude that it is merely a rebranding of the same old, same old parenting babble America’s mental health establishment...

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Fixing Our 'Parent-View'

Posted on 9/28/2021

Most of the problems today’s parents are experiencing in the course of raising children are due to a faulty “parent-view.” Just as one’s worldview consists of attitudes, values, and expectations...

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How To Help Your Child Get More Grit

Posted on 9/7/2021

It’s all over the web, that “grit” thing. Seems like every day, I get some promo for a webinar on how to get more grit, project more grit, or get in touch with your inner grit. So, allow me to...

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Psychological Parenting Is a Prescription for Enabling

Posted on 8/24/2021

Q: In your column, you have often spoken of “psychological parenting.” What, exactly, do you mean by that? A: Answering your question requires that we first unpack the word “parenting,” the...

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Recent Questions

Should My Teen Miss Prom?

Posted 1 week ago

What is your advice regarding grounding teenagers such that they miss major milestone events or rites of passage? I would greatly like to avoid punishments such as missing prom or graduation;...

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Micro Mom-Ager Neighbor

Posted 3 weeks ago

We live on a street where there are a lot of kids. My boys, 9 and 11 years old, are outside all the time playing and my house tends to be the place where all the kids play. If my kids or other...

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Not Listening the First Time

Posted on 3/20/2024

We believe in the necessity of our children obeying the first time they are told-without challenge, delay or excuse. However, we also wish to walk the tightrope of a loving, nourishing home,...

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Help for HIgh Self-esteem Seizures

Posted on 1/24/2024

Six-year-old daughter has been kicked out of the garden twice for nighttime issues: screaming, throwing things, manipulating us to try to sleep with her or give her x,y,z. She was “kicked out” at...

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How to use charts/tickets with 3 kids

Posted on 1/13/2024

How to decide to use chart or ticket system for 3 kids? 11 y/o and 9 y/o sons would have same misbehaviors #1 Do things 1st time asked #2 Clean up after yourself #3 Aggravating sibling (Sibling...

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Time for a Visit From the Doctor

Posted on 12/29/2023

I'm at a loss for direction. I tried lumping my kids together with a chart just to find how different they are. My 4 y/o loves to relentlessly antagonize my 5 y/o whiner, and my 7 y/o loves to...

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How much to expect from toddlers

Posted on 12/5/2023

How do I know where to draw the line between what to expect for proper behavior and what is too advanced for the kids (girl 2.5 and boy 1.5) to learn? My husband and I have high standards of what...

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Tickets. I’ve got your tickets!

Posted on 11/4/2023

Hello - we have been using some form of the ticketing system with our 5 year old daughter for about a year now. It doesn’t seem like we have made much progress. She is still consistently...

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Troubled Teen/Perplexed Parents

Posted on 10/30/2023

Hello, We have a problem dealing with our 15 yr old son's violent behavior when we take his phone or he gets grounded. He has been caught taking his older brother's car late at night (without...

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An Inconvenient Phobia

Posted on 10/27/2023

Our oldest daughter just turned six. She’s always had a hard time at the doctor & dentist. At almost 3, she was put under to put caps on her front teeth, and when one of them developed an abscess...

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