Questions

BeFuddled Father Facing Four Females

Posted on 4/10/2023

Hello, I know you don't know the history at all with my step-daughters. However, we gave out Easter candy to our 3 daughters (2 step-daughter and one is my own). The 16 year old step-daughter...

Time to Turn the Tables on 4-Year-Old

Posted on 2/5/2023

My husband and I own and operate a private preschool. Our son is 4 1/2 years old is currently has been enrolled in our school since September 2021. Over the course of his enrollment, our son...

Anger Mismanagement

Posted on 1/4/2023

My 11.5 year old, quite academic son, is very respectful outside home and loved by his teachers. In past few years he is lacking anger management and becomes disrespectful (especially with mom)...

Who's in Charge?

Posted on 12/29/2022

I have a 4 year old and a 15 month old. About 6 months ago he was misbehaving and we did the card system. It worked well. He is very good at school (just preschool 3 mornings a week) and with our...

When It Comes to Clothes, 4-Year-Old Has a Mind of Her Own

Posted on 11/9/2022

HI! My daughter turns 4 in a month. She has a closet full of beautiful dresses but chooses the same 3 outfits of hand me down play clothes. Am I asking too much to choose her outfits? This was...

Call me they.

Posted on 9/3/2022

Two of my daughters, one jr. high the other a freshman declared they want to be addressed as they. This has taken me by surprise as I am close to my children. We monitor what they watch or read...

The Compass Points South: A 15-Year-Old’s Craving for Independence

Posted on 8/29/2022

I have a 15 year old daughter that I used to call my "compass" as she was such an easy child to raise. But, the last 2 years have been difficult. Now, I haven't spoken to her for 3 days because I...

It's Not About the Makeup: Time for a Garden Kick

Posted on 3/20/2022

15-year old daughter very obsessed with make-up. Used our Amazon account to buy makeup Products without our knowing till I looked up order history. Took away all her makeup products, went...

Smartphones and "Smart-mouthed" Teen

Posted on 2/18/2022

Mr. John: We need your advice. My son just turned 15 and never had video games or a smartphone. He had a flip phone, and watches Tv on weekends. This school year we gave him a Smartphone for him...

You're in Charge Now

Posted on 1/21/2022

Okay so I’m ready to administer a discipline plan for my daughter. My questions are; 1. How much is too much? I’m ready to take a lot of her favorite things away. But, what about life...

Parent Apologies: Choosing Relationship Over Being Right with Adult Child

Posted on 1/19/2022

This question builds off of a prior one answered by Gretchen Slover. Last summer, my 18-year-old daughter lost about 15-20 pounds. She was at about 130 at her peak and in good shape. My ex-wife...

Perfect time for a reset

Posted on 1/18/2022

Our 9yo girls currently rule the roost. They speak to us flippantly, complain constantly, whine and pester after receiving a "no" answer, expect others to fetch/carry for them, ignore directives...

8-Year-Old Ruling the Roost (Follow-up)

Posted on 11/24/2021

Okay in regards to my prior question. I purchased the book. Thank you. Can you please tell me some examples of what you mean right now so I can start turning the tables ASAP! Instead of...

Bossy 4-Year-Old Not Giving Up

Posted on 10/30/2021

Four year old thinks he’s the boss. He’s physically abusive, has no respect for anyone’s sleep including his two younger brothers and is completely defiant. Everything is an argument. Once...

Who Are You? (And what have you done with our daughter?)

Posted on 10/26/2021

Since June 2020, my daughter (who is now 14) has become someone I no longer recognize. When school was closed due to COVID-19, I made the terrible choice and let her have her phone 24/7, which has...

Define "Disciplined"

Posted on 9/23/2021

Whenever we have friends or family over or we’re at an event with other kids our 4 year old daughter very rarely engages in playing with the children and constantly wants to be where the adults...

Tickets, Strikes and Keeping the Peace

Posted on 6/22/2021

I’ve attempted using the ticket system, but I’m getting confused. I have a 4 yr old and 7yr old. They fight, and argue about EVERYTHING. I put 3 tickets on the fridge- no tattling, no disturbing...

Taming 5 year Old Stubbornness

Posted on 6/21/2021

My 5 year old daughters stubbornness cannot be tamed and I’m not sure what to do. I completely emptied her room 10 days ago. She had 2 blankets and a pillow and that’s it. She had shown great...

Teaching the Difference Between Inside and Outside Voice

Posted on 5/17/2021

Both my children are blessed with loud voices. My efforts to stop them screaming inside our house and car have failed. Do you have any ideas on how to stop it or a good consequence every time they...

Be the Mean Mum!

Posted on 4/11/2021

My 8 year old son has came back from spending the weekend with his dad and dad's family. He said I’m a strict mean mum because his 8 year old cousin has an iPhone, TikTok and YouTube channel...

How To Deal With Constant Complaining

Posted on 2/26/2021

I have seen a rise in grumbling, complaining, arguing (with each other and with us) from our older boys, ages 4 and 6. I submitted a separate question about the conflict between the boys, but...

When Getting Dressed Becomes Game of Chase

Posted on 2/16/2021

Hi, my daughter, will turn 3 in 2 months recently started defying us when it comes to changing her clothes. Whenever she is told it’s time to do it, she thinks its some sort of game, runs away or...

Why Do My Kids Hate Getting Dressed So Much?

Posted on 2/7/2021

Why do my kids hate getting dressed so much?! They are 2 and 5. It inevitably causes a battle, and when we finally depart someone is crying. I can’t get the diaper changed or clothes on, and the 5...

She's (M)Asking for Trouble--the 9-yr old and the 3 D's

Posted on 1/21/2021

My 9 year old daughter called me dumb this morning because we had a disagreement about the way you put on a mask. I was very upset and blew up and lost it on her. She was right about the mask and...

Discipline Now, Get Along Later

Posted on 1/10/2021

My husband and our 4 year old daughter do not "get along" very well and today we found out we are having our 3rd child that is another girl! (We have one boy, and now two girls). Does John have...

Alpha Speech is Needed - 3 Year Old Never Satisfied

Posted on 1/6/2021

Hello, We have 3yo twins, boy and girl. So let’s say there are good days and bad days: good days means he is in good mood, smiling, playing, and behaving - this is 20-30% of the time. The bad...

Fostering responsible decision making in your teen

Posted on 12/29/2020

Dear Mr. John. My almost fourteen years old is a very musical talented boy. He can play piano and guitar by ear. However, he barely play the instruments, or practice enough to learn a complete...

Taming Hitting Between Younger Siblings

Posted on 11/4/2020

My two year old and my 4 year old are constantly hitting each other what should I do ?

Parenting a Disrespectful Teen with Divorced Parents

Posted on 10/10/2020

Almost two years ago my husband left (affair) and we are in a very difficult divorce. We are not friendly and don’t communicate other than texting. We have four children together and have 50/50...

Disrespectful 8-Year-Old

Posted on 9/19/2020

We have noticed more ungrateful and entitled behavior in my 8 year old son recently. During a trip to the zoo, he became upset and was rude and disrespectful when I would not buy him food and ice...

Tween Not Playing By the Rules

Posted on 8/10/2020

I have sent in a request for a coach, as you can see I have been having a difficult time with my 13 year old. I just experienced a tantrum again, it’s nightly for about a week now, how he is still...

Backtalking 8-Year-Old

Posted on 8/10/2020

I have a question about the ticket system. We are using tickets to focus on talking back from our 8 year old. Often when he loses a ticket for talking back, he continues as he makes his way to...

Cutting the Mealtime Cord

Posted on 7/18/2020

Hello! Our second and youngest daughter is going on three in a month. I am wondering about realistic expectations at the dinner table for her; especially if she is able to eat herself and can...

Big Sister 11 wants some space from 8 year old brother

Posted on 6/24/2020

Thank you so much for the thoughtful and helpful ways you've equipped me as a parent since signing up to this site. I've come to understand that I should let my kids resolve issues they have with...

Parenting Material is for Parents, Not Kids.

Posted on 6/1/2020

Is it ok to go through your material with our 12 year old son listening? It seems like he would understand better this way?

Misbehavior list increases

Posted on 4/14/2020

Please help! Our almost 5-year old daughter behaves terribly and we do not know where to start. We read the book Well-behaved Child but we also need individual consultation with you. A little...

Helping Kids Develop Good Habits Without Nagging

Posted on 4/14/2020

My 7 year old has a habit of leaving lights on when he leaves the room, leaving the toilet seat up, not flushing the toilet chain, leaving rubbish out, not putting his laundry in basket etc. How...

Children, Vitamins and The Doctor

Posted on 3/11/2020

Any tips on getting 12 and 8 year olds to take supplements? We’ve tried everything to mask the taste but it seems more of a power struggle. Thanks!

When 'Because I Said So' Isn't Working

Posted on 2/9/2020

I have the audible version of Parenting by the Book, which I love & has been very helpful. In one part of the book Dr. Rosemond gives a few simple explanations that are ok to give to children,...

10 Year Old Testing Boundaries

Posted on 2/8/2020

I have been using the alpha speech. I make mistakes sometimes, escalating my voice because I'm frustrated. On the most part I'm pretty consistent. I noticed in alpha speech you do no use...

"Note to self"

Posted on 1/31/2020

I recently showed my 3 year old daughter a video of me nursing her when she was a baby. What I thought would be a sweet moment of her watching herself bonding with me as a baby didn't exactly...

How to Tame the Whining

Posted on 1/29/2020

My 5-year-old has regressed with his whining. His baby brother is going through his terrible 2’s, and I’m not sure if he’s trying to copy that behavior. I am presently trying to send him to his...

8 Year Old Loves to Argue with Mom

Posted on 1/21/2020

My almost 8 year old boy has become quite skilled at arguing. In addition to arguing things that are easily proven false, he also contradicts you in casual conversation. I'm not sure if it's just...

Stay the Course.

Posted on 1/14/2020

I used N75 with my first child and it was a snap. At 22 months she was without accidents within a few days. My second child was 22 months before the holidays. With traveling etc. etc. we...

4 Year Old Biting Must Stop

Posted on 1/13/2020

Our 4 year old son's teacher called home today after school to tell us that he got into an argument with a peer over a toy. While pulling back and forth for the toy, our son bit the other child....

Time for a Reset

Posted on 1/12/2020

Clarification to my follow up question: When you say impose consequences... often my consequences are extra chores. I do not know what else to offer as a consequence. They're too young to take...

6 and 9 Year Olds Won’t Do Chores

Posted on 1/12/2020

Follow up question: After reviewing chapter 3, i do believe I was using the ticket system properly... my targets were 1. Not doing as told 2. Lying 3. Talking back. The targets were the same...

Alpha Speech is Key for Getting Kids to Obey

Posted on 1/10/2020

I have 2 girls, 9 & 6. They will not obey. They’ll lie that they did something and I have to verify completion or it’s never done. I used the ticket system and I had to take away every privilege...

Is Child's Threat of Suicide a Cry for Help or for Attention?

Posted on 1/9/2020

My oldest is eleven and started middle school this year. Overall it has been a smooth transition. She has a great group of friends and likes school. She does not have a phone and has very limited...

Relationship Reboot

Posted on 12/9/2019

This is a Part II to an early question submitted about a very strong-willed and increasingly mouthy 16-year old daughter. Please bear with someone who has subscribed for YEARS without submitting...

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