Questions

How to Get a Child to Understand the Value of Things

Posted on 8/18/2023

How do you go about your child working off a debt? Our 6-year-old has an old iPhone that he uses like an iPod. it basically only has music on it (and he loves music). He changed the passcode,...

How Much is Too Much?

Posted on 7/14/2023

My son is turning 13 years old this month. I'm seeking advice on how to limit/guide his screen time. Since he was 3 years old, after watching a NOVA episode, he has been enthusiastic about...

KIDS ONLY ALLOWED TO BE SCREEN ADDICTS 1 - 2 HOURS A DAY

Posted on 6/5/2023

Hello! We have three boys, ages 10, 6 and 2. We’re having with my husband questions about what’s the right way to motivate our 2 older boys to be self motivated (the only thing that they seem to...

SMART PHONES, SOCIAL MEDIA, AND NARCISSISM

Posted on 5/8/2023

How can I teach my 16 year old daughter to think of others? We have just started limiting and putting boundaries on her phone time, which we know we were wrong in waiting to do. We try to model it...

Technology and the Preteen Boy

Posted on 4/26/2023

Aloha, I want to use the weekly ticket system, or throwing the child out of the garden, to discipline my 12 year old son (6th grade). The problem lies in that much of the homework now is given...

BeFuddled Father Facing Four Females

Posted on 4/10/2023

Hello, I know you don't know the history at all with my step-daughters. However, we gave out Easter candy to our 3 daughters (2 step-daughter and one is my own). The 16 year old step-daughter...

What Do I Do if My Child Is the Bully?

Posted on 4/1/2023

What do you do when you find out your child is the bully? Recently, I read my 13-year-old son's text thread and learned he was verbally bullying another child. Reading further, he also...

"Milquetoastness": the Bane of a Father; plus, a 15-Year Old's Enslavement

Posted on 10/12/2022

15 y.o. son is in a split living situation- one week with Mom, one week with Me. I am trying to figure out what to do with him and technology. Video gaming has become an addiction. I am okay with...

Ditch the "Smart" Phones

Posted on 10/1/2022

Hello, After coming in contact with your blog, I (dad) am trying to be more macro manager and not micro with my two girls, ages 13 and 11. They have iPhones. Should I be setting a screen time...

Keeping Kids off Friends' Electronic Devices

Posted on 8/8/2022

We live in an HOA community with small backyards, so we can't tell our boys to play in the backyard all day though we have a trampoline. Instead, we hoped that our kids would play with the...

Get Creative

Posted on 7/24/2022

Greetings! Our usually cheerful and happy 4yo daughter does not seem to react normally to punishment. At first she gets upset and cries, but very shortly into a time out or being sent to her room...

Posted on 5/27/2022

.Our 16-year daughter is the last of three children. Our son is 29 and resides in South Africa with his wife. Our daughter, 20, has returned from college this summer. My husband believes in...

Time for a Reboot

Posted on 5/18/2022

Since the first email our son (8yrs) was operated on for septic arthritis 6 months ago. The pain returned 2weeks ago (now gone). His hip bone has a small weakness and he needs to ensure he has no...

Fifteen-Year-Old Screen Addict

Posted on 4/18/2022

Our 15-year-old recently threw a fit, including punching, cursing and breaking things during the following incidents: 1) Took away make up after sneak purchase of $200 worth of make up without...

FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SCREEN ADDICT

Posted on 4/15/2022

Our 15-year-old threw a fit, including punching, cursing and breaking things during following incidents: 1) Took away make up after sneak purchase of $200 worth of make up without our...

Smartphones and "Smart-mouthed" Teen

Posted on 2/18/2022

Mr. John: We need your advice. My son just turned 15 and never had video games or a smartphone. He had a flip phone, and watches Tv on weekends. This school year we gave him a Smartphone for him...

What to Say, What to Do?

Posted on 1/4/2022

How much to say of what we know? We randomly review our 15 year old daughter's school laptop. We just did so for the first time this school year a few days ago. We found screenshots of messages...

Battle over devices

Posted on 12/22/2021

My son is 11 and this is his first year in middle school. He has to use an ipad for school and this thing has been nothing but a nightmare. He is currently grounded right now (confined to his room...

Clarifying the Garden Kick

Posted on 12/4/2021

Does kicking out of the garden mean the child is confined to their new boring room for the duration of the time? Do you restrict them from playing outside with sibblings or friends? Can they...

Who Are You? (And what have you done with our daughter?)

Posted on 10/26/2021

Since June 2020, my daughter (who is now 14) has become someone I no longer recognize. When school was closed due to COVID-19, I made the terrible choice and let her have her phone 24/7, which has...

Who's in Charge?

Posted on 5/10/2021

I gave my son (15) liberty to listen to music via YouTube. He likes rap and for awhile listened to clean versions of songs. But that recently changed. He told me that the song Rap Star by Polo G...

Too Much?

Posted on 4/26/2021

I have two daughters, ages 9 and 11. I have noticed that they have a short attention span when it comes to their free-time activities. For example, they may play with Legos for 20 minutes and...

Be the Mean Mum!

Posted on 4/11/2021

My 8 year old son has came back from spending the weekend with his dad and dad's family. He said I’m a strict mean mum because his 8 year old cousin has an iPhone, TikTok and YouTube channel...

Reducing Stress in an 8yr old Boy

Posted on 3/17/2021

Hello again! My 8 year old son was diagnosed with tics at age 3. A major trigger to these tics is anxiety. Having anxiety myself it is no surprise I’ve raised an anxious kid. That coupled with the...

Another electronic challenge

Posted on 3/6/2021

I have a 12 year old daughter who i think is addicted to electronics. She makes it known she is bothered by members of the family and doesn’t want to participate in anything family related. I used...

Encouraging Resourcefulness

Posted on 2/26/2021

My husband thinks I need to provide more structure for our 2, 4 and 6 year old. This has risen out of increasing complaints about boredom, fighting between the kids and increasing misbehavior...

How much screen time for pre teen boy?

Posted on 1/17/2021

How long should a 11 1/5 year boy be allowed on electronics for pleasure a day.

Grandson Needs to be Held More Accountable

Posted on 1/15/2021

I just pulled an old John article out of my drawer that I have had for years. It was about how therapy can be detrimental to a child and rarely works. Also talked about kids emotions and feelings...

Avoid Micromanaging Tweens Peer Group

Posted on 12/15/2020

What should I do if my daughters only friends are bad influences on her and not people I want her being friends with? One is a lesbian, one has anxiety issues and they both are obsessed with Tik...

Who pays for what - the college years

Posted on 11/8/2020

19 yr old in college on substantial scholarship not taking her academics seriously and, given the trajectory, will lose the scholarship come year's end. From her history, I think she's just a...

Teens and Technology: Education is Key for Safety

Posted on 10/14/2020

We have not allowed our 3 children ages 12, 14 and 15 to have cell phones. They also do not have Social Media accounts. They are allowed to text or FaceTime friends or cousins using our phones. ...

Unwell Mom Struggles with Screen Time Abuse

Posted on 9/19/2020

I am really unwell at the moment and my son is being kept home from school, I also have a 1 year old. I am trying to look after both while I get through this illness. Discipline has slided and...

Address the elephant in the room with teens.

Posted on 9/1/2020

Your previous advice has been very good and I am seeing improvements. Thank you. But my question today relates to school holidays and if I should leave my 2 kids home alone (age 13 & 15) while I...

Music Matters

Posted on 9/1/2020

My son is 14. I let him have Spotify music not realizing the horrible explicit music. Rap. I recently found where he was listening to it. We don’t allow that in our home. I’m going to block the...

Night Owl Habit

Posted on 8/28/2020

Still a daily struggle here and school is about to start. I gave in and allowed the computer back, but I cannot get this kid on a schedule of getting up for the day and sleeping at night. He is...

Only an Adult Chronologically

Posted on 7/12/2020

Our 19 year old daughter is living at home and working full time as a nursing aide at a local hospital. She has quit nursing school (the co-vid online situation did not work out well for her). In...

What to Do About Screen Addiction?

Posted on 7/5/2020

My 11-year-old son is obsessed with screens. If we tell him to do something while he is on his phone or iPad he huffs and puffs or we are told, “in a minute." Then he only gets 2 out of 3 chores...

Son hits himself when he loses TV privileges

Posted on 6/18/2020

When my son loses his tv privileges he starts hitting himself, screaming, saying he’s stupid, he hates himself etc and beginning he will do anything to earn tv back (I say no). There clearly is an...

Hands Off!

Posted on 3/29/2020

My 7 year is always making stupid annoying loud noises and shouting and he keeps doing this in his 8 month old sisters face. He also constantly grabs her hands and smothers her. They seem to get...

Trac phone boundaries for 18 year old

Posted on 1/28/2020

I asked a question about cell phones last June; “Going With Your Gut.” I have allowed my daughter, now 18 to have a tracphone with internet capability. Could you give some boundaries I should set?...

Does a 12yo really need a cellphone?

Posted on 12/2/2019

Our 12 year old entered junior high this year and is one of only about 3 kids in his grade that I know does NOT have a cell phone. We do not think he needs one and he has finally got off our back...

End Micromanagement of Grades by Lowering the Boom

Posted on 10/15/2019

I have two sons (13 and 14 years old) and one step son (12 years old). They've gone to a Christian school their whole lives and are all saved. My issue is with my 13 year old. He is very smart as...

Rules for Smartphone Use

Posted on 8/7/2019

My 10-year-old daughter has a smartphone - I know, I know, mistake #1. Her dad is overseas, so this allows her to FaceTime him. I'm trying to backtrack here because she has no motivation to do...

Will Tablet Contribute to Budding Addiction?

Posted on 5/12/2019

My 11-year-old son wants a tablet. He gets great grades and we let him play some video games on his Wii. We notice he seems to be addicted. When we tell him to stop, he does what we say and...

iScreen, uScreen, We all Scream 4 more Screens

Posted on 3/22/2019

Notwithstanding the answer to my preview question, my 11-year-old son exhibits an addiction to computers and we restrict his exposure because of this. Currently, we have one computer in the house...

Life After College is Too Comfortable- Time to Adult

Posted on 3/11/2019

Hello, My stepson in 23 and a recent college graduate with a communication degree. His father and I have been married 2 years. His parents are concerned about his seemingly lack of motivation to...

Kindergarten Homework Hassles

Posted on 3/7/2019

I have a young kindergartner (won't turn six until this summer), although he is doing good enough in kinder, he is very easily distracted - bright light distraction. During school and homework at...

In Control without Controlling

Posted on 3/5/2019

We seem to be stuck on screen time issues in our house. Our kids, 11 and 7 are allowed 20 min a day once they have completed all their chores. Markedly less than many children are allowed (as my...

Lowering the Boom

Posted on 3/1/2019

I have been seeking help from this site for a long time and would appreciate you looking through our history for insight and understanding. My now seven year old son is still having behavior...

The Terrible 12's

Posted on 2/7/2019

A few months have passed. This school year seems to have been a big step for my now 12 year old. We have been struggling most of the school year and just got his grades for the second quarter. The...

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