"If; when your child does something "bad," you feel bad about it, your child won't. "

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Teen Proofing with Cell Phones

Posted 1 week ago

I am currently reading John's book Teen Proofing. In chapter 3 he discusses the six C-words, curfew, cash, car, cohorts, conflict, and consequences. He gives detailed explanations of how he and...

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phone use for 23 yo

Posted 1 week ago

HI, My husband and I have been married 2 years. I have 2 boys, 15 and 17, who live with us half the time. He has 2 boys, 23 and 20, who are rarely at our house because they are in college. All 4...

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Adult Children Moving Back Home

Posted 4 weeks ago

What would be your set of household rules for 2 adult children living with you (one recently returned home after living 2 years with friends who is currently working part time and finishing school...

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Find aFriend for college student

Posted on 8/9/2018

What is your opinion about phone apps like "Find My Friends" that allows parents to know their children's location? I had never heard of this but when my oldest left to college, she introduced me...

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Figuring things out isn't easy.

Posted on 7/6/2018

I have been married for more than 25 years. My husband came with a daughter from his first marriage and we have two of our own. He is very permissive-extremely guilt ridden and operates from the...

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'Tis the Season of Leaving and Cleaving

Posted on 7/3/2018

My son has joined my practice which was always our plan. He brought his girlfriend (also a dr & now is wife) back. They lived with us for 2 years. I trained them, shared my practice & they kept...

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Husband and 19 yr old step son have no relationship

Posted on 6/4/2018

My husband and 19 year old son seem to have absolutely no relationship. (My husband adopted my kids) I’ve been urging them for years to go do stuff together, whatever. 2 weeks ago, our counselor...

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19 year old living at home

Posted on 5/24/2018

Our 19-year-old son went to college for 1/2 of his freshman year - then quit & came home when he realized he was in over his head. Since then, he's worked but not a ton. He owes about $10k in...

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Get everything in writing when it comes to loaning adult children money

Posted on 5/2/2018

Two and a half years ago my 37 year old daughter and her husband needed a car to move from New York to California since he had lost his job but had another in California. So I sold my daughter...

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19 year old has alcohol related issues at college

Posted on 4/29/2018

Our 19 year old college freshman daughter, lives at school, 45 minutes away. We just found out that she has been sexually assaulted on campus. Alcohol was involved. Until this point, she has been...

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Homesteading adult son.

Posted on 3/21/2018

Our son is a 27 year old college graduate, (major is business/management) who still lives at home. He does have a full time job working at a K-5 school, but does not make anywhere near enough to...

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Emancipation Proclamation

Posted on 3/18/2018

My 22 year old son graduated recently with excellent grades and a degree in computer science. He’s moved home but shows no signs of wanting to find a job. He’s never had a job except for cutting...

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WWJR do?

Posted on 3/17/2018

My son is a junior in college and lives on campus which is about 40 minutes from our home. He gets good grades and has worked a part-time job the last couple of years. Up until recently he was...

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Problems with live-in adult stepdaughter continue

Posted on 2/10/2018

My 43 year old stepdaughter and her 9 year old daughter have been living with us for almost 3 years because her husband is an alcoholic and was violent when they were living in CA. They moved back...

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Shyness not a problem

Posted on 1/29/2018

I am concerned that my 20 year old son, who is a sophomore in college, is having trouble making friends. He has roommates but doesn't really hang around with them. He tried a fraternity but it...

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Smoking Weed

Posted on 12/4/2017

I have heard that it is so common along kids in college to smoke weed, it is absolutely normal for this generation. How to react if i know my child does smoke it and has find it as her relaxing...

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College students and control.

Posted on 10/16/2017

Our 21 year old son is on a full ride academic scholarship at an out of state university. When he was born, we set up a UGMA account for his college education, but he hasn’t needed it. He has...

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When an Adult Child Needs Help

Posted on 7/20/2017

Our 29 year old son was essentially a model child growing up- a good student with very few behavior issues. He graduated college in 2010, during which time he was was charged twice for...

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Require respect from college-age daughter

Posted on 7/16/2017

Our college student, who holds down a full time job in the summer and a 20-hour part-time job during the school year when she lives on campus, seems incapable or unwilling to follow through on the...

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Should Mom Monitor College Child's Tech Use?

Posted on 6/27/2017

I have a 19.5 year-old daughter in college and living at home. She is responsible about everything except her computer and cell phone use. She uses social media and texting more than is good for...

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Adult children taking sides.

Posted on 6/1/2017

We have 2 adult kids, 23 & 19 and they are being brainwashed & siding with my ex regarding a very critical & legal matter regarding a business/financial agreement for my elderly father of 87. My...

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19 yo Narcissist Revisited

Posted on 5/24/2017

We need more help in dealing with the daughter that I have asked questions about in the past. She is continuing her pattern of bitterness. She made no contact with me on a recent birthday and no...

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Safety first.

Posted on 4/23/2017

On 4/19/17 I asked a question about my 18 year old step son saying he would hit me. I also said that my husband stated he would divorce me if I called the police on the boy if he does hit me. I...

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Being responsible for adult children.

Posted on 4/20/2017

Our 19 year old son from my husband's first marriage returned home after his first college semester because he was having problems. We soon realized he had been on drugs. Our suspicion was...

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Unresolved marital issues impact parenting.

Posted on 4/19/2017

My 18 year old step son caused a horrible scene at our family Easter gathering this weekend. His younger brother was in trouble for being rude and disrespectful to both his father and me. However...

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Adult child's negative influence on minor siblings.

Posted on 3/29/2017

Dear John, What is your solution to this? We have an older, out of the house child (30 years old), who is sowing seeds of discontent with his younger siblings (teens) who still live at home. He...

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Finances and the Bank of Mom and Dad

Posted on 3/28/2017

We have our first child in college. We are giving her a monthly stipend to pay for incidentals. Room, board and tuition are paid for both with money we saved and a scholarship she earned. She also...

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Reestablishing Relationships with Rebellious Young Adults

Posted on 3/21/2017

Unsuccessful in how I stated this a week ago, so trying once more. Have one of our ten children, adopted from Eastern Europe, who after many infractions, was thrown out of the house by my husband,...

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College student lessons.

Posted on 3/21/2017

Against our advice, our college student chose a roommate known to be prone to histrionics. Before the decision was made, we outlined all the potential ramifications but let her make the final...

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Adult children continue to be parented.

Posted on 2/22/2017

Do you have any advise on how to recconect with an estranged adult child who is in their 30's? And yes, I made all the "giving your child self-esteem" mistakes in the 1980-2000 that you speak...

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What to Do When Older Sister Is Mean to Younger Sister

Posted on 2/5/2017

Our older daughter continues to be a source of hurt to her younger sister. They are three years apart and both teens. They are both well liked in the community, praised by teachers, active in...

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Can you change your adult child's destructive behavior?

Posted on 1/23/2017

What is the order of priority to hold adult children (21 age) accountable to who live at home while attending college? We have a 21 year old daughter who was kicked out of college for drugs. ...

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19 yo Telling Parents Off

Posted on 12/20/2016

Same daughter - More issues. This is related to the daughter that I have asked about in previous posts. She continues to be distant in her relationship. She will never return a "I love you" and...

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Parenting the Terminally Ill

Posted on 12/8/2016

Do parenting rules change when parenting a young adult (19) with a chronic/terminal illness. My husband's son (and 16 yr old daughter) have cystic fibrosis. While their health is generally good...

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Parenting Adult Children

Posted on 12/5/2016

I am the parent of a new, 18-year-old adult, the oldest of my 4 children. What are your thoughts on parents giving children unsolicited advice and unsolicited help? At what age of the child...

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Parenting Adult Children, Follow Up

Posted on 12/1/2016

To follow up on my last question (Parenting Adult Children). When my son admitted he started smoking cigarettes about 2 months ago and says he does not do it very often, my husband told him he...

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Parenting adult children.

Posted on 11/28/2016

My son is 19 and a sophomore in college. His school is 45 minutes away from our home and he lives on campus. We pay for his college and housing. When he comes home occasionally on the weekend we...

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Problems with live-in adult stepdaughter

Posted on 11/26/2016

My stepdaughter, Mary, and her 7 1/2 year old granddaughter, Ann, moved in with us in NY since her husband is an alcoholic and in rehab in CA. She finally landed a good job here in her...

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Too Late

Posted on 10/5/2016

Our daughter recently graduated from college and did well and has a good paying job. She lives with us ( 1.5 months now) but is actively looking for her own place closer to work. She has never...

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Paying for College?

Posted on 9/4/2016

After graduating from high school we could tell our son was not really ready for college. When looking and applying for schools it was all about the location (New York, Chigaco etc and finding...

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Pot-Smoking 19 Year Old Unemployed and Living at Home

Posted on 8/17/2016

My 19 year old son lives at home, smokes pot, is currently unemployed. He struggled all through school- we didn't know until the last week of school whether he was graduating or not (I don't think...

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21 year old moves back home

Posted on 7/20/2016

My daughter Larisa was born almost 21 years ago. Her father just disappeared when he found out I was pregnant. I wanted to abort her but by Gods grace he spoke to my heart and changed my mind. I...

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18-Year-Old Being Inconsiderate

Posted on 6/22/2016

Should we expect any structure in the home when our 18-year-old returns weekends from a summer job? She usually heads straight to her boyfriend's family home and rolls in around 3 a.m. both...

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Dad Rewards Freshman College Student

Posted on 6/7/2016

Our son just finished his first year of college and earned a 3.8 GPA. My husband and I pay for all his college expenses and he lives at home with us year round. He works a part time job on the...

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19 yo Narcissist

Posted on 5/22/2016

More drama with our daughter - Followup I thought they maybe we were making some headway until tonight. We met as a family for ice cream and she expressed her concern about some choices that...

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18 Year Old Bank Account

Posted on 3/19/2016

Our 18 (soon to be 19) year old son lives at home with us, attends university full time and earns stellar grades has a part time job and a few friends but spends most of his free time at home. We...

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17 and won't take responsibility

Posted on 1/21/2016

My almost 17 year old son is a Junior in high school. We need help parenting him. And I feel the hourglass is quickly running out--he's supposedly 18 months from graduation/launching into...

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Mom wants teens to reach out to grandparents

Posted on 1/6/2016

Once in awhile I will ask my teen daughters to write a short note or give a call to their grandparents or aunt. Usually the letters are when they are thanking them for gifts and otherwise, they...

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19 Year Old Home for the Holidays, follow up

Posted on 1/3/2016

Okay - I took your advice because I feel like it was good advice. However, it didn't end with "sunshine and roses". When I asked about what I could do to make things right, she said that it was a...

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19 Year Old Home For the Holidays

Posted on 12/22/2015

This is another question concerning our daughter (just turned 19). She is home for the holidays as she continues to attend a Bible College. She has seemed to continue to be "distant" - not coming...

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