"To be an effective disciplinarian, you must be a model of self-discipline. "

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Hands Off!

Posted 2 days ago

My 7 year is always making stupid annoying loud noises and shouting and he keeps doing this in his 8 month old sisters face. He also constantly grabs her hands and smothers her. They seem to get...

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Pre-Teen: A Lingering Fever

Posted 1 week ago

We are having some trouble with our 12 year old son. I can see how things have progressed and how we haven't quite followed the Rosemond plan. He is very rude with his sisters, he talks back a lot...

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6 Strikes in 1 At-bat

Posted 2 weeks ago

Hi John, my 9yr old daughter has taken to raising her voice, screaming, arguing, sarcasm and just downright disrespect when things aren't going her way. We have a target misbehavior chart and she...

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Take Charge of Bedtime Shenanigans

Posted 2 weeks ago

Feeling frustrated. I have a 6 year old, and 2 year old. They are hanging up on me! For example- I say it’s time for bed, and I tell them to come brush their teeth, the older one starts to...

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Children do not make good parents.

Posted 2 weeks ago

Hello; My son is getting worse as he gets older. He refuses to listen or obey. He talks back at every turn. We took his toys away over a week ago and told him he could get them back after his...

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Spiraling Seven Year Old

Posted 4 weeks ago

I would like some advice on how to handle our 7 year old son. Our family has had an extremely tough season. We had to re-home the dog my children grew up with (my sons best buddy) due to my sons...

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Talking v. Action; Reacting v. Responding

Posted 4 weeks ago

We have discovered our 16-year daughter has experimented with alcohol twice that we know of, small amounts, and with no denial. She actually confessed to the 2 accounts when questioned about a...

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The Terrible Twos Part II: The Teen Years

Posted on 2/27/2020

my daughter is 14 years old and she thinks she is crazy in love for a boy in her school , same grade. She doesn't have a smart phone . But she bought an old phone from a friend for 80 dollars and...

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Chaos that calls for a coach.

Posted on 2/25/2020

My soon to be 11 year old daughter “accidentally” hurts my just turned four year old son. I finally got her to confess that she sometimes hurts her brother and then tells us it was an accident....

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Pre- teen sent to principal's office

Posted on 2/19/2020

My 11 y/o daughter was just sent to the principal's office for carving a middle finger out of an eraser and saying that it represented her teacher. Princial said that she and other kids are...

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3 years old doesn't pay attetion to stories.

Posted on 2/18/2020

My 3 year old has always had difficulty listening to stories. I know how terribly important it is to read to children daily so I keep reading, but he’s not paying attention. Is he still getting...

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Teaching 3 year old to listen the first time.

Posted on 2/9/2020

Is the targeted behavior (for the ticket system) “Refusing to do what we tell you to do” too general for 3.25 year old twins? We want to stomp out their habit of giving us push back/delaying/...

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10 Year Old Testing Boundaries

Posted on 2/8/2020

I have been using the alpha speech. I make mistakes sometimes, escalating my voice because I'm frustrated. On the most part I'm pretty consistent. I noticed in alpha speech you do no use...

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Ok To Believe In Your Son and Still Not Believe Him

Posted on 2/6/2020

My teenager has been caught with marijuana. He said he was done with it and a few days later, we found more. I have read Johns book on raising teens and remember that he said their is a time to...

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Ball is in the Parent's Court

Posted on 1/31/2020

Hello, My son, who is 5 years old has a strong will and constantly gets in trouble at TK for bad behavior. Since infancy it was hard to deal with him, because he would refuse to obey. I tried to...

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How to Tame the Whining

Posted on 1/29/2020

My 5-year-old has regressed with his whining. His baby brother is going through his terrible 2’s, and I’m not sure if he’s trying to copy that behavior. I am presently trying to send him to his...

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Toddler hits mommy

Posted on 1/23/2020

Hi. My 27 month old toddler recently started hitting me when I say no to her, sometimes my husband as well, but it is most often directed at me (her mother) in moments of frustration. How should I...

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Lower the Boom on School Misbehavior

Posted on 1/22/2020

Our seven year old got sent to the principles office today for telling another student "I'm going to kill you". He was already one night into a three night bout of being banished to his room due...

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Gone From The Garden.....Now What?

Posted on 1/17/2020

I have a clarification question. When a child had been kicked out of the garden, are they supposed to also stay in said room when not at school? And if so should we leave something in their room...

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Little Victories

Posted on 1/16/2020

Not a question; more of a comment of thanks. I started the Ticket Method (at home for both home and school behaviors) a week ago and today my son's teacher (1st grade) sent me an email stating...

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Toddler ignores grandma.

Posted on 1/14/2020

Lately my 2 year old has moments where he is very rude to my mom (his grandma) who helps with childcare. He blatantly ignores her or tells her no or that he doesn't want to do x, y or z. My...

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6 Year Old Laughs When She Gets In Trouble

Posted on 1/13/2020

Good Morning, We have been using the ticket system and it's worked well. I have a 6 year old girl, who seems to have thrived from it until recently. Now when she loses a ticket she says "i...

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Ticket to change.

Posted on 1/13/2020

My 7-year old son has this habit of expressing his frustration, questioning me, or complaining about what I've told him to do or said, “no” to. He asks, “Why not?” and I answer simply, “Because...

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Time for a Reset

Posted on 1/12/2020

Clarification to my follow up question: When you say impose consequences... often my consequences are extra chores. I do not know what else to offer as a consequence. They're too young to take...

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6 and 9 Year Olds Won’t Do Chores

Posted on 1/12/2020

Follow up question: After reviewing chapter 3, i do believe I was using the ticket system properly... my targets were 1. Not doing as told 2. Lying 3. Talking back. The targets were the same...

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Alpha Speech is Key for Getting Kids to Obey

Posted on 1/10/2020

I have 2 girls, 9 & 6. They will not obey. They’ll lie that they did something and I have to verify completion or it’s never done. I used the ticket system and I had to take away every privilege...

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Alpha Speech is Key to Parental Leadership

Posted on 1/9/2020

Hello. Our daughter just turned 5. She has started to argue, history, say she didn’t hear, that she forgot and any number of excuses when she has disobeyed us. If we ask her to go put her toy...

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Is Child's Threat of Suicide a Cry for Help or for Attention?

Posted on 1/9/2020

My oldest is eleven and started middle school this year. Overall it has been a smooth transition. She has a great group of friends and likes school. She does not have a phone and has very limited...

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Hold Me! Never Let Me Go!

Posted on 1/8/2020

My daughter (age 2) demands to be held an excessive amount. By "excessive amount", I mean hours in a row. The more holding I give her, the more she demands. She gets furious when put down before...

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No Way to Treat a 7 Year Old Boy

Posted on 1/8/2020

My son is 7 years old and in 1st grade. He's had some problems with negative self-talk and is disruptive in class. (I think he’s a perfectionist who’s big on justice and is bored). His grades are...

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The Age-Gap Triplicate

Posted on 1/1/2020

My kids (11-girl, 10-girl, 3-boy) were driving me crazy with all the squabbling. Especially as the 3 year old gets older. All 3 kids are on the ticket system. I’ve read a lot of the q & a on here...

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College Student Has Lesson to Learn

Posted on 12/31/2019

I am a single mom of ten years to one son. He just completed his first semester of college at a Christian school. His faith is stronger than ever, he met some great people, was selected to be a...

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Should we cancel Christmas?

Posted on 12/16/2019

We are a family with 4 kids (13 year old boy, 13 year old girl, 11 year old girl, 4 year old girl). None of them have any electronics (since October 2019). The three older ones did have cell...

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Argumentative two and a half year old

Posted on 12/14/2019

Our two and a half year old daughter is argumentative. There will be times when we’ve told her to do something in a clear manner and she will outright say “No, I will not do...” (fill in the...

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Mouthy Teens Ups the Vitriol

Posted on 12/9/2019

Okay, I’ve had this subscription for years now and have yet to write in with a question, as many, and as urgent, as I’ve felt they have been in previous years. So I hope you’ll give me a little...

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Relationship Reboot

Posted on 12/9/2019

This is a Part II to an early question submitted about a very strong-willed and increasingly mouthy 16-year old daughter. Please bear with someone who has subscribed for YEARS without submitting...

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Young Teenage Boy Has Problem To Solve

Posted on 12/2/2019

Finally: school and studies. Being in junior high now we are trying to encourage better study habits for our son. He has always found school easy and not brought work home to review while still...

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Kerfuffling Kids

Posted on 11/28/2019

Hi! I have a 9 year old daughter and boy/girl twin 7 year olds. The twins tend to play really nicely together. They are also in the same class and the same group on the swim team. My 9 year old...

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Argumentative 10-Year-Old Needs a Reality Check

Posted on 11/26/2019

Argumentative 10 year old- May daughter is pushing back on everything. When told to do something (anything) she grumbles, sighs, complains, etc. My husband and I have been working on "yes mom,...

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Ignoring Bad Habits

Posted on 11/25/2019

My 9-year-old daughter still puts things in her mouth and chews on them like a toddler: Lego pieces, wrappers, etc. It seems like she has an oral fixation and always needs to be chewing or sucking...

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Rebellious 25 monts old

Posted on 11/23/2019

Hi My 25 month old daughter is potty trained now. I started when she was 23 month old, and 3 weeks ago until she got completely trained even at night. since yesterday she has been having pee...

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Managing Misbehavior on Vacation

Posted on 11/16/2019

After a long string of troubling incidents involving our 7yr old (soon to be 8) son, we decided to try John's "kicking out of the garden" strategy. We are going on vacation (gone 9 days) next...

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Grounded means...

Posted on 11/13/2019

My son is 13. He has been lying fairly often. He got a detention at school but told me he was getting help from the teacher with his work he didn’t understand. Of course I found out when the...

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Nip Physical Aggression in the Bud

Posted on 11/8/2019

We have been doing the ticket system with our four-year-old for the last four days. He has one targeting behavior, “refusing to listen,” and five tickets. Every day since we started, he has lost...

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The Struggle is Real

Posted on 11/6/2019

We have struggled with our child being ashamed to be seen with either of us (her parents) in public, to the point that she acts in a way that hurts us. She is now in middle school (7th grade);...

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When Normal Becomes a Disorder

Posted on 11/6/2019

My son is six years old, and he started kindergarten this year. Somewhere around week three or four, I got a call from his teacher stating that he has "impulsivity issues". I did a quick google...

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Focus More on the Behavior than the Diagnosis

Posted on 11/6/2019

I have a 10 year old son who was once diagnosed as autistic. A few years later we had him tested again in which the doctor couldn't understand why he was labeled that way and said he was not...

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Prevarications, Pranks and Privileges

Posted on 11/1/2019

My 5 year old child seems to be developing a habit for lying. Last night, he stayed with a friend and her two kids while I attended a meeting. On our way home, he told me this..."Zachary did...

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Train Him Up

Posted on 10/24/2019

How do you deal with a 4 year old that when he is told “no” or asked to do something he does not want to do, ends up doing that specific thing or has a tantrum to some degree or another. How do...

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Harsh Consequences?

Posted on 10/24/2019

I have been using the ticket system with my 5-year-old for about a week now. When he loses his tickets he’s sent to his room for the remainder of the day. However, my son seems to be dealing with...

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