Questions

Less Help May Be Better For 11YO

Posted on 4/3/2025

How can I help my 11 yo daughter take responsibility for her mistakes and care more about doing right than fear getting caught? Often, her apologies are insincere and she walks away as if she was...

Talking to an 11 year old not working

Posted on 3/3/2025

I am having issues with my 11 yo son. He recently got his phone taken away for looking up inappropriate things. He also isn't able to play video games on the weekend unless his teacher signs a...

Teachable moments

Posted on 1/25/2025

Wonderful advice. Thank you so much! Your books are amazing; we love them. I just purchased and listened to The 7 Biggest Mistakes Parents Make. Our problem is that we were more "buddy buddy"...

Managing high conflict parenting.

Posted on 1/23/2025

Per parenting plan 9y/o son & 12y/o daughter may contact dad at will. Recently, ex demanded I make sure the kids call every day, then started ordering them to call at certain times. He will...

Give Them an Inch...

Posted on 12/8/2024

We are in the process of resetting a slew of bad behaviors (sibling conflict, avoiding responsibility are currently the focus). I'm seeing an increase in defiance/disobedience, both directly and...

Mass Confusion Has Taken Over!

Posted on 9/27/2024

I need a reset with our boys, ages 11, 9, 6 & 5. After a season of intense caring for our baby and 2-year-old daughter, things have become a disaster. The top misbehaviors in the house are...

FRAGILE PRE-TEEN RELATIONSHIPS

Posted on 9/23/2024

My 11 year old daughter has had a falling out with one of her friends from church. She can usually resolve conflicts easily, but this one is much harder because it involved the other girl telling...

10 & 12 year old brothers, "highly sensitive" and "strong willed"

Posted on 8/17/2024

I am on board with all the traditional discipline "like grandma did it." We have 5 children ranging in age now 24 down to 10. The 10-year-old son has all the signs of being what I understand to be...

Micro Mom-Ager Neighbor

Posted on 3/30/2024

We live on a street where there are a lot of kids. My boys, 9 and 11 years old, are outside all the time playing and my house tends to be the place where all the kids play. If my kids or other...

The Grass Really Isn’t Greener on the Other Side

Posted on 3/25/2024

My 10-year-old daughter seems always to think the grass is greener somewhere else. For example, we homeschool, which she enjoys, but often expresses her wish to return to regular school, and when...

11 yo GIRL HAVING LOTS OF SCHOOL-RELATED BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS

Posted on 3/12/2024

I have an 11 yo daughter whose behavior has been digressing since September of 2023. She was attending a private Christian school. She did well the first 5 weeks then started exhibiting behaviors...

12 yr old boy acting up at school, then covering it up

Posted on 2/27/2024

Our 12 y/o son, who attends a small Christian school, was disciplined at school for crude jesters, at the lunch table in regards to a banana. In his meeting with principle, he was to write letter...

14 year old daughter is rude and mean

Posted on 2/17/2024

Recently I had asked a question concerning my 14 yr old daughter's manipulitive behavior. She now has been living with her dad primarily for almost 3 months. My family (outside members as well)...

11 GIRL ACTING BRASSY

Posted on 2/5/2024

My 11 year old daughter has recently been in trouble for swearing at a teacher, saying “f*** you” because she was embarrassed after her own disobedience to requests to be quiet resulted in a more...

How to use charts/tickets with 3 kids

Posted on 1/13/2024

How to decide to use chart or ticket system for 3 kids? 11 y/o and 9 y/o sons would have same misbehaviors #1 Do things 1st time asked #2 Clean up after yourself #3 Aggravating sibling (Sibling...

How to Use the Ticket System for Misbehavior at Home

Posted on 1/2/2024

Hello, we have 2 adopted kids (9yr boy/12yr girl). Our son was diagnosed with ADHD by his school at the age of 6. He has an IEP. He is well-behaved at school. However, at home is a different...

FOMO in ISO, and Bud-Nipping: Consequencing an 11-yr Old Bully

Posted on 11/18/2023

My 11 year old son frequently hits, pushes, his younger siblings, ages 6 and 5, when no adult is around. It is very much intentional in trying to hurt the others. He will provoke his siblings...

Be careful how you share info

Posted on 11/16/2023

Son, age 11 I think inadvertently we have created a bit of a boogie man- when we don't permit our son to watch certain things we have been open about why- which has opened the door to the...

Overspending Lunch Account

Posted on 11/16/2023

My son's school is using a new foodservice company. There have been some bumps as they navigate how to configure it. As of now 5-12 grades are allowed to bill whatever they want to the family...

Social Anxiety or Low Tolerance for Frustration?

Posted on 11/8/2023

How can I help my 12-year-old son deal with social anxiety when he is in large crowds of people? He is fine in setting with a small number of people but in large crowds he gets very stressed to...

Adjusting the Attitude

Posted on 10/13/2023

Are there any Rosemond certified therapists on the island of Oahu? I've read several of John's books and am still having trouble with my 2 kids, especially my soon to be 13 yrs old son. He was a...

Family spiritual beliefs are foundational.

Posted on 8/10/2023

We have three boys, ages 14, 11, and 7. We recently started attending a new church. I would like the older two to attend the Wednesday night youth group but am unsure how to approach it with them....

The Lying Game

Posted on 6/26/2023

Our 12 y.o. son has been lying to us, but most concerning is about injuries received on his face and neck after school. The first incident he had scratches on his neck which he blamed on tree...

KIDS ONLY ALLOWED TO BE SCREEN ADDICTS 1 - 2 HOURS A DAY

Posted on 6/5/2023

Hello! We have three boys, ages 10, 6 and 2. We’re having with my husband questions about what’s the right way to motivate our 2 older boys to be self motivated (the only thing that they seem to...

Technology and the Preteen Boy

Posted on 4/26/2023

Aloha, I want to use the weekly ticket system, or throwing the child out of the garden, to discipline my 12 year old son (6th grade). The problem lies in that much of the homework now is given...

KIDS RUINING SPRING BREAK VACATION

Posted on 3/15/2023

We are on Spring Break and our kids have not been listening/obeying. Thus, we took away dinners out and got a babysitter and also removed their privilege of playing tennis because that was where...

12YO's Rude Behavior Needs to Stop

Posted on 3/7/2023

6 yo daughter and a 12 yo daughter. 12 yo is acting rude toward her grandma. Grandma is loving, kind, interested and attends activities. 12 yo is a good kid, good grades, is respectful. We’ve set...

Why doesn't he hand in the homework?

Posted on 2/17/2023

We have a 12 year old son who is in the 7th grade (junior high) this year. He is a good kid who has lots of friends and is very active in sports and does quite well. Our problem this past school...

BOOKS ON PUBERTY AND REPRODUCTION

Posted on 1/14/2023

Have you any recommendations for books about puberty and reproduction that do not have underlying political or religious agendas? I am struggling to find just the right fit for my 10-year-old. One...

Anger Mismanagement

Posted on 1/4/2023

My 11.5 year old, quite academic son, is very respectful outside home and loved by his teachers. In past few years he is lacking anger management and becomes disrespectful (especially with mom)...

13YO Thinks She's All That and A Bag of Chips

Posted on 1/4/2023

My 13 year old has been very mean to her sisters for a while now. She is very smart and quick witted. She is constantly talking down to her sisters, belittling them and making one of them cry. We...

11 year old usurps parental authority

Posted on 12/9/2022

My 11y old son (adopted within our family) got diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder. We do a wholistic approach such as yours. Recently, he had been showing exemplary behavior for about a...

THE PUNISHMENT FITS THE CRIME.

Posted on 10/19/2022

I am a principal at a Christian School. I believe disciplinary actions should "fit the crime" and do not generally issue standard consequences. I recently had a student to speak ill of another...

10 Year Old with Violent Fits, Divorced Parents and "trifecta of diagnoses"

Posted on 10/13/2022

My 10 year old son has the adoptive trifecta of diagnoses: "on the autism spectrum", oppositional defiant disorder, and ADHD. Sometimes he has violent fits - although now they're down to 1 or 2...

Ditch the "Smart" Phones

Posted on 10/1/2022

Hello, After coming in contact with your blog, I (dad) am trying to be more macro manager and not micro with my two girls, ages 13 and 11. They have iPhones. Should I be setting a screen time...

Enforcement is difficult.

Posted on 8/11/2022

My son is 12 years old and has been confined to his bedroom for the past month and a half for getting F’s in school. My husband thought he was acting suspicious so he peeked in his window and...

KARL MARX HAD IT RIGHT!

Posted on 8/10/2022

It was the first day of school today for my 11-year-old (5th grade) and 8 year-old (3rd grade). An exciting day for all involved. My 11-year-old girl came home from school today and I asked how...

Keeping Kids off Friends' Electronic Devices

Posted on 8/8/2022

We live in an HOA community with small backyards, so we can't tell our boys to play in the backyard all day though we have a trampoline. Instead, we hoped that our kids would play with the...

FAMILY CONFLICT OVER DRINKING AND POT

Posted on 7/28/2022

As a kid, my dad & older brothers drank. My mom didn't, but allowed it. I started drinking at 17. My brothers smoke marijuana.I quit drinking at 28. I will occ. have a glass of wine, but not...

Natural Consequences Are EffectiveTeachers

Posted on 7/9/2022

My 9 year old boy frequently acts like a baby and very odd in a socially unacceptable way like a feral child. When leaving his friends he will say “bye friends” in a silly voice. He also was...

9 year old's Frequent Night Time Urinating Best Evaluated by Pediatrician

Posted on 6/26/2022

My 9-year-old frequently gets out of bed to go to the toilet at night. I don’t mind but our house is laid out that he has to leave his bedroom, come down the stairs, past our living room, dining...

Tween in need of self respect

Posted on 6/26/2022

Hi there, I have an 11 year old who is a pretty good tween most of the time - independently does her homework, and is helpful around the house, respectful with teachers and peers. However with...

Lazy Bones needs to Play

Posted on 6/21/2022

I have a twelve year old son. My concern is that he is incredibly lazy. He has no ambition to do anything. He finishes what we require of him and takes up his spot on the couch. Sometimes he reads...

11 YO DISRESPECTS STEPMOTHER

Posted on 6/11/2022

My husband and I need help dealing with my 11 year old stepdaughter's disrespectful attitude towards us. I have been in her life for 6 years and this is an area that has been an issue the entire...

TRANSGENDER TEENS AT FAMILY GATHERING

Posted on 4/28/2022

My children are 13, 11 and 8 years old. We are Christian, and being so, believe in treating others with respect, even when we don't agree with the other's lifestyle. We will be attending a...

Dealing With Teenager's Attitude

Posted on 4/11/2022

My 12-year-old daughter is not motivated to do school anymore. She is in 6th grade and has always been homeschooled. But now, she is just "dead in the water" and paddling no where. She constantly...

Don't bite off more than you can chew

Posted on 4/8/2022

I have a tickets question. Is it still workable to use tickets on three different children and use two target misbehavior issues? I could even reduce it to two children, but I was thinking it...

12 Year Old Daughter Unmotivated to do School Work

Posted on 4/6/2022

My 12 year old daughter is not motivated to do school anymore. She is in 6th grade and has always been home-schooled. But now, she is just "dead in the water" and paddling no where. She just lays...

It's Not About the Makeup: Time for a Garden Kick

Posted on 3/20/2022

15-year old daughter very obsessed with make-up. Used our Amazon account to buy makeup Products without our knowing till I looked up order history. Took away all her makeup products, went...

Don't Make a Mountain out of a Molehill

Posted on 3/18/2022

Ten year old son plays with his penis at bedtime. I go to his room at night time and finds him asleep with his hand in his pants. I've told him how wrong this is. Hoe can I get him to stop? He...

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