Questions

Passwords to teenagers' phone, email, facebook?

Posted on 1/7/2014

As the parent of an 18 year old and a 16 year old, should I still have the passwords to their phones and Facebook accounts? ( I pay for the phones). When have I crossed the line between...

13 yo listens to rap garbage, which is redundant

Posted on 1/6/2014

My son has had an ipod for the last 3 years. (He is 13 1/2). I've always made use of the parental restrictions to make sure that he could only listen to "clean" music and movies etc. However,...

Boy can't handle video game

Posted on 12/16/2013

My son was playing video games, and I could hear the anger and frustration in his voice while he played. When his time was up he came down and started demanding things from me. I remained calm...

13 YO: Grades and Electronics

Posted on 12/14/2013

We are seeing a pattern with my 13 y/o sons grades. In 4 classes he is working below his ability. Now, his ability is A work and he is getting B's. We don't see him studying, although he says...

14 year old hates his sisters

Posted on 12/10/2013

Over the past year, the relationships of our 14 year old son with his other siblings ( 3 sisters - 17 year old twins and 12 year old with special needs-severe hearing loss,brain injury, epilepsy)...

13 yo with poor hygiene

Posted on 11/17/2013

My 13 year old son has poor hygiene. He doesn't brush his teeth except rarely, and he showers infrequently (once or twice/week). Sometimes he smells badly, and when I tell him that, he just...

Dad worries 15 year old will move back with Mom

Posted on 10/30/2013

Hi John. Thank you so much for your advice! I am somewhat conflicted though with the advice you gave me about my 15 yr. old son, his girlfriend and phone: as far as the girlfriend thing and my...

What is "Lowering the Boom?"

Posted on 10/30/2013

Hi John, one other question from my question about my 14-15 year old son and his girlfriend question: you state, "be prepared to lower it" concerning your intriguing advice that my son not get his...

9 year old with laptop computer issue

Posted on 10/29/2013

John. Our children attend a "Catholic" school. The school provides them with laptops for some homework assignments. Today, I discovered my 9-year old was not doing homework, but listening to...

15 yo son girlfriend and cell phone

Posted on 10/26/2013

I have a couple questions (at least), since this is my first time doing this on your site: 1) my 14, almost 15 year old, has been in a serious relationship with a girl (almost 15 year old). My...

Teenager : Snide comments

Posted on 8/22/2013

Our older daughter, 15, has started to make a lot of under-the-breath snide comments whenever she is either annoyed or doesn't want to listen. If her sister is telling a story, she can often be...

Pre-teen : Not following through with daily responsibilities

Posted on 8/22/2013

On school mornings, our children, 12 and 15, are required to make their beds, have their rooms relatively tidy, keep the bathroom counters free of clutter and turn out the lights as they come down...

Teenager thinks restriction on video games unfair

Posted on 8/6/2013

My 18 yr old son says it is unfair to restrict him doing internet video games when his 20 yr old sister watches a lot of television, ie Netflix episodes, etc. They are both on break from school....

Teenager : Profanity on social media

Posted on 7/26/2013

I stumbled upon a social media site of my 15-year-iold daughter's close friend that had obscene language on it. Complicating the issue is that among the profane postings, the friend posts...

Teenager : PC Mania

Posted on 7/26/2013

Our son is almost 18 and he is obsessed with his computer, gaming, Facebook, etc. We limit the time but how much is too much? He is taking an online class so he needs his computer for that, but he...

Teenager : Privacy and phone rules

Posted on 7/22/2013

Should I insist on having passwords to phones and computers? My children are 17 and 15? What other rules around personal devices do you advise?

12 year old : Xbox Fighting

Posted on 6/17/2013

My 10 yo and 12 yo can only play Xbox on the weekends. My 12 yo thinks he can play when he wants, so he will just say to my 10 yo "I am playing in the am". My 10 yo gets frustrated that the 12 yo...

Teenager : Almost 17 year old SON needs motivation to get job

Posted on 6/12/2013

For months we have been trying to get our son to get a part time job. He would much rather Facebook,SpongeBob or play his music/instruments. Attempts he has made are subpar at best (although he...

Teenager : What to do if you catch your child trying to sneak on to restricted devices

Posted on 5/7/2013

My 14 yo daughter cuts and has depression. I asked you about it earlier, and you recommended that I remove access to all devices and unnecessaries. Last night, I heard my laptop (in the kitchen)...

Teenager : Should I make him change schools?

Posted on 5/7/2013

My 15 yr old son is angry because after 12 years playing video games we removed them. The last 2 years he was playing violent military, zombie killing type games and being very disrespectful to...

Teenager : Teen's on-line "friend" is suicidal

Posted on 4/30/2013

Our 14-year-old daughter has been texting/skyping with another teen girl from a different State. This is the first we've heard of this "friend." Last night, Daughter tearfully refused to hand over...

Teenager : chewing tobacco

Posted on 4/24/2013

I have caught my 14 year old with chewing tobacco for the second time this year. The first time we grounded him for a week. We caught him with marijuana a year ago, but he has received counseling...

Teenager : Sexuality and Porn

Posted on 4/16/2013

I recently confiscated my 14-year-old daughter's MP3 player (this device has internet access). In the process of placing it out of temptation's way (hiding it from her), I looked at her "photos"...

6 year old : Kindle okay for kids?

Posted on 4/1/2013

I know TV and video games are bad for children, but I was wondering how you felt about kids reading books on a kindle. I thought about buying one because the books would be so much cheaper that...

6 year old : bad thoughts, rude comments

Posted on 3/27/2013

My son has recently began saying odd things at odd times. Like while carrying something to the garage he said "I could dump these on your head." I said "why would you do that." "because it would...

teenagers : Cell phone use

Posted on 3/16/2013

John- could you please advise on some basic rules/consequences for cell phone use for teens? Our well stated rules are no use past 9 pm and we can check texts at any time. I took the phones away...

Teenager : Teenage not recieving cash as punishment

Posted on 3/16/2013

It has been seven weeks since we stopped providing our teenage son his cell phone and internet access. He has not complied with our rules completely and he still smokes marijuana. For the past few...

Teenager : Teen Dating / Potential Sexual Activity

Posted on 3/12/2013

We allow our HS sr son a cell phone, w/understanding no texts are private. We saw texts w/HS soph girl who said she's had sex and wanted him, etc. He was very willing, as never dated. We discussed...

Teenager : Is It Too Late?

Posted on 3/5/2013

I am divorced from a diagnosed sociopath who is manipulating our 15 year old daughter. I have physical custody but her behavior deteriorates after each visit with him. She is addicted to her...

Teenager : iphone to a 13 YO

Posted on 11/1/2012

My daughter is in 8th grd and a straight A student since 3rd grd. She's turning 13 in a week and the iphone 5 is on top of her wish list. She said all of her friends have an iphone, and even some...

Pre-teen : In appropriate language

Posted on 8/3/2012

After reviewing my 13yr old son's cell phone texts, I discovered horrible language used with a female friend. I had no idea he uses this type of language and I'm highly disappointed that he used...

Pre-teen : Social Networking and Texting

Posted on 7/25/2012

I have read your books - Teen proofing, Parenting by the Book and Well Behaved Child. My 13 year old daughter has been acting mature for her age since she was 3 years old and she is in all...

Teenager : Responsible media use

Posted on 7/23/2012

My son is almost 14. We don't allow video games. He does not have a cell phone. We restrict the amount of time that he can spend on the internet, and keep close tabs on what he is doing online. I...

Pre-teen : Should we forbid music based on lyrics/language?

Posted on 7/16/2012

Our 13-year-old son loves rap music and even though he downloads the "clean" version, oftentimes it is as much the content as the language that we find objectionable. We have discussed our...

12 year old : cell phone for birthday

Posted on 7/16/2012

My daughter turns 12 July 21st, and wants a cell phone for her birthday. Help me tell her/explain that she is NOT getting one. She has an IPOD touch that enables her to text. She says she is "the...

Pre-teen : Limiting electronics?

Posted on 5/10/2012

I am reading "Teen-Proofing" and don't want to micromanage. I limit TV to 1 hour at night. My son only has a limited minute phone to call us. He needs to ask to text or play on the computer or...

Teenager : 13 y/o poor choices

Posted on 4/20/2012

About 1 year ago our 13 y/o son bought himself an I-phone. Not too long afterward we caught him using it in the middle of the night texting a girl and looking at inappropriate websites. We took it...

Teenager : Unfriended on Facebook by 16 yr old niece

Posted on 4/11/2012

Hi John, my question is about Facebook. My 16 yr old niece unfriended me on Facebook in January. This happened after I spoke with my brother and voiced concern about my niece's postings. I did not...

12 year old : how to start new rules in the house

Posted on 4/9/2012

If we have not had a system in place regarding cell phone/texting usage, how can we effectively start one without all hell breaking loose? I need some ideas on how to curb a 12 year old girl's...

Teenager : Internet and social media usage

Posted on 4/5/2012

I greatly appreciate your stance on TV and cellphones, John. In 1961, when we were old enough to read, our mom got rid of the TV. Instead we read like crazy and today I am a successful...

Teenager : 13 YO with racy pictures

Posted on 3/7/2012

We recently found racy pictures on my SS13's iPhone. Not nude, nor participating in sex acts, but teeny tiny bikinis, bent over in extremely short skirts, exposed "underboobs". What should we do?...

6 year old : What can I do as a grandmother?

Posted on 1/10/2012

My daughter and the father of her six year old son are divorced. My grandson has regular visits with his father and has mentioned the violent video games that they play together. My daughter has...

Pre-teen : triplet girl creating a personal drama

Posted on 10/20/2011

I have a triplet daughter that is almost 13. She and her sisters are different as any siblings, not looking or acting alike. My daughter does not feel that she "fits in" at school, and is trying...

Teenager : Privacy on Computer

Posted on 10/5/2011

Family laptop mainly used by kids for homework and limited "fun". The deal has been downstairs use only. Recently 13 yo took it to his room to do hw, and then used Skype. I told him no computer...

8 year old : Doing battle against video games

Posted on 10/5/2011

My husband and I despise video games My mother has always known this yet keeps trying to put our kids in front of a screen of some sort. The last time she visited she allowed the boys to play 3+...

Teenager : Secret Facebook Account

Posted on 10/5/2011

Our 15 1/2 yr son recently deleted the FB account we monitored (mostly church friends). Discovered he has had another FB under an alias for over a yr - he initially used it for about a month -...

13 year old : 8th grade homework

Posted on 8/17/2011

My 8th grade son brought home a note from his math class today, addressed "Dear Parents". It lists the concepts "your child will use and understand in Unit 1", and includes references, vocabulary,...

9 year old : What to say about sex to a pre teen?

Posted on 8/16/2011

I looked for questions about this and didn't find any. I found a Victoria's Secret postcard under my son's bookcase and caught him looking at inappropriate youtube videos. I discussed briefly with...

Teenager : drugs and sex

Posted on 8/4/2011

My husband and I have just discovered that our daughter has recently engaged in sex, drinking and smoking marijuana. She is 14 years old.Our hearts are broken. She says she feels a lot of peer...

11 year old : Less phone means better child

Posted on 8/3/2011

I submitted a question about a month ago which I have not been able to find the answer to. But, happily I've come up with my own solution and I wish to tell you since I think it's due to partaking...

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