John's Articles

Parents, not Teachers, are the Reason for Decline in Education

Posted on 10/17/1996

THE PROBLEM WITH SCHOOLS? PARENTS Richard Louv, a columnist for The San Diego Union-Tribune, began a recent column as follows: "At the beginning of the school year, it's good to remember the...

Frantic Family Syndrome: After-School Activities - Part 2

Posted on 10/10/1996

QUESTIONS ABOUT FRANTIC FAMILY SYNDROME Several months ago, I wrote a column on the "Frantic Family Syndrome'' - the hectic lifestyle that results from racing children to and from various...

Parenthood and Family - Part 2

Posted on 8/29/1996

AUTHORITATIVE PARENT HAS SECURE CHILD Musings on parenthood and families, part two: * If there's one lesson the proponents of democratic, child- centered families have taught us, it's...

7-Year-Old Is Very Argumentative and Demands an Explanation for Everything

Posted on 7/11/1996

YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF WHETHER CHILD ARGUES OVER DECISIONS Q. My 7-year-old daughter is very argumentative. She wants an explanation for every decision of mine she doesn't like, but no...

Whole Language Method

Posted on 5/9/1996

WHOLE LANGUAGE' METHOD WORKS? NONSENSE In a letter to the Albuquerque Journal, a teacher says a recent column of mine on the "whole language'' approach to reading omits important information;...

Sibling Conflict: 3 Siblings Do Not Like One Another

Posted on 11/10/1995

SIBLING RIVALRY: YOU CAN CONTROL IT Q. Our three children, ages 15, 13, and 11, constantly bicker with one another. We've tried talking to them about how important it is to have good...

A Job Description For a Grandparent

Posted on 10/27/1995

I've been a grandparent now for nine months, and I think I'm successfully figuring it out. It helps that Nancy, Eric and Jack Henry live but 5 miles away and Nancy is our office manager. She...

Respect is a Two-Way Street

Posted on 2/24/1995

<b>Q. You emphasize the importance of children having respect for adults. I'm a teenager, and it seems to me that some adults have little respect for children. Isn't respect a two-way street?...

Allowances - Part 3

Posted on 8/19/1994

NEVER REWARD GOOD GRADES WITH MONEY Q. Should parents ever reward children with money for good grades? A. Not! School is for learning, not making money. When parents pay children for good...

Team-Building in Schools - Part 2

Posted on 3/4/1994

FUN IS NOT WHAT EDUCATION'S ABOUT Some readers may recall a column of several months back in which I turned my iconoclastic flamethrower on "team building'' in public schools. It's a concept...

Impact of Moving on 3-Year-Old

Posted on 12/31/1993

IF PARENTS HAVE GOOD ATTITUDE TOWARD MOVING, SO WILL CHILD Q.My husband and I recently read that researchers have determined that moving can cause psychological and academic problems. The...

Let Child Have the Last Word - Part 1 (12-Year-Old)

Posted on 10/29/1993

GO AHEAD, GIVE YOUR CHILD THE LAST WORD There was a look of desperation, I thought, a look of last resort, in this prematurely gray mother's eyes. "What can I do,'' she asked pleadingly, "with...

Disobedient Child Keeps Coming out of his Room

Posted on 4/16/1993

THIS PUNISHMENT WORKS JUST FINE Q. I read a recent article of yours in which you recommended sending a persistently disobedient child to his room for the remainder of the day and putting him...

25-Month-Old Asks "Why?" All the Time

Posted on 1/22/1993

BECAUSE ANSWERS TO YOUR CHILD'S NEVER-ENDING WHY?' ARE IMPORTANT Q. Our 25-month-old son has started asking me "Why?" about almost everything. He'll ask me a question, I'll answer and he'll ask...

Interview: Part 3 - Need for a Restoration of Child-Rearing Tradition

Posted on 11/6/1992

GOOD CHILD-REARING RULES DON'T CHANGE WE NEED TO LISTEN LESS TO PROFESSIONALS AND MORE TO GRANDMOTHERS This continues a four-part series based on conversations with various journalists. In...

Family Values

Posted on 9/11/1992

WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT FAMILY VALUES? LET'S STOP TALKING, START DOING What do I think about the family values "thing," she asked, the sixth journalist to do so since this rather nebulous "thing"...

Anti-Spanking Laws

Posted on 8/28/1992

MORE QUESTIONS ON SPANKING: IS IT ABUSE? SHOULD LAW CHANGE? Q. Since there's no way of knowing who will abuse and who will not, wouldn't anti-spanking laws eliminate the risk to children?...

To Spank or Not to Spank

Posted on 8/21/1992

SPANKING CAN SEND A MESSAGE, BUT ISN'T USUALLY NECESSARY In the last 6 months or so, journalists have asked me a disproportionate number of questions on spanking, the central theme of these...

Children Should Pay More Attention to Adults than Adults Pay to Children

Posted on 8/7/1992

CAN YOU PAY TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO A CHILD? YES, AND IT WILL SHOW Q. I heard you speak last month in Buffalo and took special notice when you said children should pay more attention to adults...

2-Year-Old is Agressive with Other Children

Posted on 7/24/1992

TO CALM A FIGHTING 2-YEAR-OLD, IT'S BEST TO TAKE HIM AWAY UNTIL HE SETTLES DOWN Q. My 2-year-old can't play with another child without biting or scratching or hitting. I'm at wit's end over...

8-Year-Old Diagnosed with Dyslexia

Posted on 6/26/1992

WHAT WE CALL DYSLEXIA MAY JUST BE A CHILD'S MATURITY LEVEL Q. Our 8-year-old son, a third-grader, was recently tested because of reading difficulties and found to be dyslexic. According to...

Children Should Not Interrupt Adult Conversation

Posted on 5/8/1992

EXPERT' ADVICE HAS LET CHILDREN RUN AMOK WAY TOO LONG As I crisscross the country in the paradoxical role of a so-called parenting expert who tells parents to stop listening so much to...

Mom Worries About 3rd Grader's Self-Esteem After Not Qualifing for Program

Posted on 10/4/1991

HER CHILD DIDN'T GET IN GIFTED' CLASS Late last month, during a break in a workshop I was conducting, a teacher of "gifted and talented" students asked how she should deal with the mother of...

Should I Send My Kids Outside to Play?

Posted on 5/19/1991

Q. You've said in your lectures and columns that parents should send children outside to play and entertain themselves. While I agree in principle, I have two problems with your advice. First,...

The ABCs of Effective Homework Management

Posted on 3/12/1991

Are you ready to extricate yourself from the never-ending, self-defeating, viciously circular trap of participating in your child's homework? Are you you ready to get out of the homework...

Children are Bored

Posted on 2/17/1991

WE'RE BRINGING UP A BORED GENERATION So, you went into major credit card debt buying toys for the kids this past holiday season and they're already complaining of boredom? So, what's new?...

2-Year-Old Hitting Parents

Posted on 12/9/1990

WHAT TO DO IF YOUR 2-YEAR-OLD HITS YOU Q: Our 2-year-old has started hitting us whenever he doesn't like something we do to him or doesn't get his way. Is it OK to spank him or pop his hand...

If You Think Your Child's Insecure, Try Less Attention, Not More

Posted on 10/14/1990

Few concepts in the last 40-odd years have confused our perception of children more than the myth of the insecure child. I don't mean that there's no such thing as an insecure child. If the phrase...

Parents, Take Center Stage in Rearing Children

Posted on 9/2/1990

Traveling around the country, doing talks and workshops for various parent and professional groups, I am asked a broad range of questions concerning the rearing of children, many of them having to...

Don't Reward Children for Good Behavior

Posted on 8/19/1990

REWARDS, PUNISHMENT DON'T HELP CHILDREN LEARN Q. You've written you are not in favor of giving rewards for good report card grades. Do you feel the same way about criticizing or punishing...

Good Communication Better Than Consequences

Posted on 6/17/1990

COMMUNICATION WORKS AS THE BEST DISCIPLINE Several weeks ago, while participating in a daylong public forum on parenting, I sat on a panel discussing disciplinary issues. At one point in...

2-Year-Old Modified Time-Out

Posted on 5/27/1990

TIME-OUT IS TOUGH FOR 2-YEAR-OLDS BUT FINDING A STRATEGIC MOMENT CAN BE WORTH THE WAIT Q: A few weeks ago, you wrote a column in which you described how time-out could be modified for use...

11-Year-Old Having Scary Thoughts

Posted on 5/13/1990

THOSE SCARY THOUGHTS OF PUBERTY ARE MOSTLY MENTAL GROWING PAINS Q: Our 11-year-old daughter recently told me she has been having "scary thoughts" lately, including thoughts of dying, us being...

Delaying Kindergarten for Summer Birthday Children

Posted on 3/25/1990

DELAYING KINDERGARTEN FOR LATE-BIRTHDAY CHILDREN IS COMMON Q. Most of the psychologists and pediatricians in our community are advising parents of children who turn 5 after June 1 to delay by...

Children Should be Seen and Not Heard

Posted on 12/24/1989

SOMETIMES PARENTS SHOULD BE SEEN, NOT HEARD "Children should be seen and not heard," was one of my parents' favorite sayings. It was one they seemed to relish saying whenever I'd forgotten...

Discipline Management: 3-Year-Old Getting Out of the Bed

Posted on 10/8/1989

TRICKS ARE A TRICK OF THE DISCIPLINE TRADE This is my third attempt in as many weeks to try and convince you, the reader, that the trick to successful discipline lies not in punishment, as...

Parent of 3-Month-Old Looking for Good Daycare

Posted on 9/17/1989

WANTED: DAY CARE THAT WORKS Q. Being the mother of 3-month-old girl, I read your recent article on infant day care with interest. My leave of absence from my job is almost over, and I've been...

7 Hidden Values of Homework

Posted on 9/10/1989

HERE ARE THE 7 WONDERS OF THE HOMEWORK WORLD What makes homework important enough to warrant three consecutive columns? Homework is important for obvious reasons and for reasons that are not...

Do Not Let Children be the Center of Attention

Posted on 8/20/1989

CHILD-CENTERED FAMILIES ARE INSECURE FAMILIES Q. My husband and I recently heard you speak in Connecticut and agreed with much of what you said. You lost me, however, with all the emphasis you...

6 Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children

Posted on 8/6/1989

6 COMMANDMENTS FOR PARENTS A reader from Albuquerque asks, "What is this Six-Point Plan' you wrote about several weeks ago?" Well, in addition to being in the title of my book "John...

7 Year-Old Homework Perfectionist

Posted on 2/12/1989

TURN 2ND-GRADE TORTOISE INTO HARE Q. Several years ago, you wrote a column on homework management that helped us a great deal. As a result, we've always expected our children, ages 9 and 7,...

Husband and Wife Do Not Agree on How to Discipline

Posted on 10/30/1988

FOR CHILDREN TO HEAR PARENTS' DISAGREEMENTS MORE GOOD THAN BAD Q: My husband and I don't always agree on how to handle situations that come up with our two children, ages 6 and 3. I'm...

Raising Children is not that Difficult

Posted on 10/16/1988

CHILD-REARING ISN'T HARD; IT'S BASED ON SIMPLE TRUTHS Over the past 40 years or so, we've taken the very practical and commonsensical job of raising children, dressed it in rhetoric and...

14-Year-Old Rude, Disrespectful and Obnoxious

Posted on 9/11/1988

HOW TO HANDLE RUDENESS IN A TROUBLED 14-YEAR-OLD Q. We are worried about our 14-year-old daughter. She's become extremely rude and disrespectful, and the more of an audience she has, the...

4- and 6-Year-Old Do Not Like Mom's Boyfriend

Posted on 6/5/1988

TELL CHILDREN IT'S NORMAL TO RESENT BOYFRIEND Q: I'm a single mother with two children, ages 6 and 4. Their father and I have been divorced for over a year, and I've been involved in a serious...

14-Year-Old Runaway

Posted on 12/27/1987

RUNNING OFF ISN'T QUITE THE SAME AS RUNNING AWAY Q. About two months ago, our 14-year-old son got mad at us and ran away from home. We finally found him two days later at the home of a...

Parents Don't Agonize over Decision-Making

Posted on 11/29/1987

DON'T AGONIZE OVER DECISION-MAKING Decisions, decisions. Raising a child certainly involves its share. From the moment of birth through 13 or more years of gradual emancipation,...

8-Year-Old Tells Tall Tales

Posted on 11/22/1987

DON'T ATTEMPT TO STOP CHILD FROM STORYTELLING Q. My neighbor's 8-year-old son is forever telling tall tales about himself. Some are partially true, but most are completely false. They range...

Custody Fights are Hard on Kids

Posted on 8/8/1987

Custody battles are no fun. They're almost always vicious, ugly little affairs that rarely fail to bring out the worst in people. As a psychologist frequently involved in custody...

Thoughts on Raising Children Again

Posted on 7/12/1987

PONDERING PARENTHOOD ONCE AGAIN I recently published two columns of "collected thoughts" on raising children. They generated lots of positive reader mail, so here's some more: * Many...

John's Articles

Search All Articles