John's Articles
The End of Mere Childrearing
Posted 2 days ago
“What went wrong, John?” asked a fellow boomer who, like many folks my age, are dismayed at what has happened within the American family over our lifetimes. Specifically, we have seen the end of...
Read MoreCommonsense Knows the Truth About Self Esteem
Posted 1 week ago
A fellow psychologist says I paint with too broad a brush concerning the devastating effect mental health professional advice has had on children. He claims that some of the changes in parenting...
Read More'The Doctor' Prevails Again
Posted 2 weeks ago
Regular readers of this column are no doubt familiar with my imaginary friend, The Doctor. I often call upon him to solve behavior problems of various sorts concerning young children. Well, The...
Read MoreDon't Make Santa Claus Into a Boogie Man
Posted on 12/6/2022
Okay, stop it! Enough, already! I guess we need some rules around here, beginning and ending with, “Don’t make Santa Claus into a boogie man.” I know him personally and he’s the...
Read MoreThe Importance of Manners
Posted on 10/18/2022
One of the characteristics of a truly civilized society is the ubiquitous use of proper social courtesies. Raising a child is all about civilizing the savage within; therefore, “manners,” as they...
Read MoreAlternatives to the High Five
Posted on 10/11/2022
Well, I must say I'm rather, uh, disappointed albeit my worst suspicions have been verified. I expected response to my recent column on the practice of high-fiving children, but I failed to...
Read More‘Gentle Parenting’ Appeals to Emotion, Not Reason
Posted on 10/4/2022
Q: My husband and I recently visited our son’s family. We live two thousand miles apart and with the pandemic and all, hadn’t seen one another in several years. We were appalled to...
Read MoreStop High-Fiving Kids
Posted on 9/27/2022
Arrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhh! Will you please just stop doing that, please? Every time I see it, I want to scream, and I’m not an emotionally hyperactive person. I’m talking about adults high-fiving...
Read MoreChild Mental Health Therapy: Any Proof It Does Any Good?
Posted on 8/30/2022
In a 6 – 3 decision, the Killingly, CT, school board recently said “no” to establishing a mental health center at its high school. I imagine most folks, upon hearing that, would be dismayed,...
Read More'Parenting' vs. Child-Rearing
Posted on 8/23/2022
“The goal of parenting is not to control, coerce or punish children into being ‘good.’ The goal of parenting is to grow children who can feel all of their feelings and become empathic...
Read MoreWhy Parenting Slot Machine Theory Is Wrong
Posted on 7/27/2022
Some parents, I have discovered, believe in the parenting slot machine theory. They hold fast to the notion that some parents are simply lucky, meaning that chance, and chance alone, determines...
Read More'Equal' vs. 'Fair'
Posted on 7/19/2022
Q: How can I explain to my kids, ages 6 and 9, that “fair” and “equally” are not the same. They complain constantly that I’m not fair. What they mean is I don’t treat them the same. A: ...
Read MoreResearch on Ultrasounds Is Murky
Posted on 7/5/2022
Correlation does not prove cause, drummed my grad school statistics professor. For example, a rise in the rate of American children who regularly consume lox and a concurrent rise in Type 1...
Read MoreBack Off on Daughter’s Eyeliner Use
Posted on 6/28/2022
Q: Our 14-year-old daughter is a rising high school sophomore. We let her wear eyeliner this past year, but she is wearing entirely too much. She is well-adjusted (plays sports, good grades) but...
Read MoreThe Ideal Time Spacing Between Children
Posted on 6/14/2022
Q: My husband and I have one child, age two. We’d like to have at least one more. What is the optimal spacing between children? A: Research puts ideal sibling spacing at three to four years....
Read MoreWhat Should Single Mom Do About Disrespectful Son?
Posted on 6/7/2022
Q: I’m a single mother with a 13-year-old son. His father, whom he sees infrequently, has PTSD from battle experiences. My son has anger toward his father, but I can’t get him to talk about it....
Read MoreChores for 3-Year-Olds? Yes!
Posted on 5/31/2022
Q: In certain of your books as well as your newspaper column, you have written that children as young as three should be doing daily chores around the home. Exactly what chores are reasonable for...
Read MoreToday’s Kids Have No Idea What They’re Missing
Posted on 5/24/2022
I grew up in the “You’re Making a Mountain of a Molehill” Era, also known as the Age of “Children Are Starving in (fill in the blank with some remote place)," and by golly, I’m a better person for...
Read MoreThe Age of Parenting Enlightenment
Posted on 4/26/2022
America entered what I call the Age of Parenting Enlightenment around 1970. That was the year, or thereabouts, when parents stopped listening to their elders when it came to childrearing matters...
Read MoreKeep Kids Away From Screen-Based Devices
Posted on 4/12/2022
Psychologist, author, and professor Russell Barkley, widely regarded as one of America’s leading ADHD experts, used to be (and may, for all I know, still be) fond of ridiculing me in his public...
Read MoreParents Should Trust Teachers About Children
Posted on 4/5/2022
If the following testimony, received from a thirty-eight year veteran of the teacher wars, was a one-off, it could be dismissed, but the sad, sad truth is that it is but one of hundreds of such...
Read MoreKids Need Parents Who Are Authentic Adults
Posted on 3/22/2022
The contemporary parenting ideal consists of equal parts fixer, go-fer, and friend, which is why, when it is encountered in the flesh by someone of my ancient age, the new definition of a “good...
Read MoreMake the Marriage Top Priority in Family
Posted on 3/15/2022
Okay, I’ve had it! I’ve reached my limit! My tolerance for well-intentioned nonsense is kaput! Over and done with! Maxed out! Stop it! Just stop it! I’m referring to the...
Read MoreAre You Trying to Be Liked by Your Child?
Posted on 3/8/2022
Is the following statement true or false? It is often the case that children like what is not good for them and do not like what is good for them. True, right? Right! ...
Read MoreRespect Is a Two-way Street
Posted on 2/8/2022
I just experienced a flashback, but fear not, it wasn’t freaky. I was thinking about the parenting revolution that began in the late 1960s and quickly overwhelmed America’s homes and schools....
Read More‘Parenting’ vs Childrearing
Posted on 1/25/2022
I often go looking for parenting ideas that illustrate the difference between so-called “parenting” and mere childrearing. They abound. My latest find came in the form of a 2018 article on...
Read MoreWhen To Use Time-outs
Posted on 1/4/2022
I was once an orthodox believer in the power of time-out—the practice of having a child sit in a somewhat isolated chair for five minutes or so immediately after said child has misbehaved. I...
Read MoreMoving From ‘Gentle Parenting’ to ‘Insistent Parenting’
Posted on 12/7/2021
My previous column concerned so-called “gentle parenting,” which is naught but a retreading of the parenting propaganda that has gushed relentlessly from the mental health professional community...
Read MoreNo New Tricks To Raising Kids
Posted on 11/30/2021
What is “gentle parenting”? It did not take much investigation for me to conclude that it is merely a rebranding of the same old, same old parenting babble America’s mental health establishment...
Read MoreThe Problem With ‘I Feel Your Pain'
Posted on 11/23/2021
“I feel your pain” passes as a virtue, but it is anything but. However well-intentioned, it is the gist of codependency. When someone else is in a state of emotional pain, it is one...
Read MoreHow To Stop Nitpicking
Posted on 10/19/2021
Q: A friend recently pointed out that I constantly nitpick my nine-year-old son’s behavior. Her words were, “You’re on his case all the time.” Why do I nitpick and how can I stop? A: ...
Read MoreJust 'Stop It!'
Posted on 10/12/2021
I often find myself telling parents that they need to stop doing something that is counterproductive and, in most cases, contributing significantly to whatever parenting problem is bedeviling...
Read MoreFixing Our 'Parent-View'
Posted on 9/28/2021
Most of the problems today’s parents are experiencing in the course of raising children are due to a faulty “parent-view.” Just as one’s worldview consists of attitudes, values, and expectations...
Read MoreWhy? Because I Said So
Posted on 9/22/2021
When I was a graduate student, one of the parenting memes then emerging from within the mental health professional community had it that “children deserved explanations.” The flip side of that...
Read MoreHow To Help Your Child Get More Grit
Posted on 9/7/2021
It’s all over the web, that “grit” thing. Seems like every day, I get some promo for a webinar on how to get more grit, project more grit, or get in touch with your inner grit. So, allow me to...
Read MorePsychological Parenting Is a Prescription for Enabling
Posted on 8/24/2021
Q: In your column, you have often spoken of “psychological parenting.” What, exactly, do you mean by that? A: Answering your question requires that we first unpack the word “parenting,” the...
Read MoreTalking About Children’s Fears Can Intensify Them
Posted on 8/17/2021
A stalwart friend recently called my attention to an online article titled “Two Things to Say to a Child Returning to In-Person School (& Two You Should Avoid).” I am choosing to provide...
Read MoreWith Parenting Young Adult Children, Less Is More
Posted on 8/3/2021
It seems to be generally true that as one gets older, the habit of reminiscing develops. Looking back seems to be a function of getting closer to the final curtain. The closer the latter, the more...
Read MoreHow To Stop Kids From Living Out Soap Operas
Posted on 7/6/2021
Will my profession, psychology, ever get it? Beginning in the 1960s, the psychological mainstream asserted that nearly all child mental health problems were caused by parents who...
Read MoreParenting Quiz: True or False?
Posted on 6/29/2021
We interrupt this weekly column with a three-question quiz, following which you will find the correct answers. 1. True or False? Telling a child that her feelings concerning a decision you...
Read MoreThe Better the Husband, the Better the Dad
Posted on 6/15/2021
Several columns past, I took to my bully pulpit and excoriated men who are married with children for being fathers first and husbands a distant second (maybe even third behind sports fans). My...
Read MoreKids Don’t Need Curing, They Need Correcting
Posted on 5/18/2021
No small number of today’s parents view their children through psychological lenses, especially when it comes to misbehavior. Instead of regarding a given misbehavior as simply an error that needs...
Read MoreThe Futility of Reasoning With Children
Posted on 5/4/2021
Many if not most if not almost all of today’s parents believe in magic words. They do so because the mental health professional community has for fifty years or so told them that children can be...
Read MoreBe the Best Father by Being the Best Husband You Can Be
Posted on 4/27/2021
Guys! Guys! Look, your wives, bless their hearts, are having enough trouble putting their children and priorities into proper perspective without you adding to the muddle. Keep it straight,...
Read MoreThe Drama of a Child's Feelings
Posted on 4/20/2021
One of the more unfortunate consequences of relying on advice from mental health “experts” concerning parenting matters has been a one-dimensional understanding of child discipline. Because of the...
Read MoreMom, Stop Checking Kid’s Homework
Posted on 4/6/2021
Many times have I warned parents of the pitfalls of micromanaging their children’s academic responsibilities lest said children deduce that the responsibilities in question are not theirs at all...
Read MoreMicromanagers Are Their Own Worst Enemies
Posted on 3/30/2021
To most folks, micromanagement has to do with tasks or performance. The micromanaging parent, for example, is generally thought of as one who hovers over a child’s homework or academics in...
Read MoreSmartphone Addiction Is Real
Posted on 3/10/2021
Concerning my prior use of the word “addiction” in association with smart phones and children (including teens), some people think I am speaking figuratively. To set the record straight: No, I am...
Read MoreWhat Is COVID Parenting?
Posted on 3/2/2021
What, pray tell, is COVID parenting? I need to know because over the past few months, several journalists have asked if I have any COVID-parenting suggestions. I went online and, sure enough, a...
Read MoreShy Child? Don’t Fret About It
Posted on 2/16/2021
Researchers have found what many personal testimonies will confirm: most shy children, even the most painfully shy of them, are not shy adults. The progression from introversion to extroversion...
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