John's Articles

Don’t Just ‘Settle’ Dispute, Solve It

Posted 3 weeks ago

Q: Our sons are six and four. When their same-age cousins, come over, they all go down into our basement to play. Invariably, within thirty minutes my youngest comes upstairs crying because his...

On Chores, Discipline, Potty-Training

Posted on 3/29/2022

Q: When I give my 5-year-old daughter a chore, she does it, but all the while she is muttering under her breath, huffing and puffing, and so on. Do I discipline that behavior or just let her...

Patience With Young Daughter’s Questions Will Pay Off

Posted on 3/1/2022

Q: I’m concerned that my 3-year-old – she’s nearly 4 – daughter has some sort of language issue. For example, even though my brother’s family moved away nearly two years ago, whenever we drive by...

In Defense of ‘Because I Said So'

Posted on 2/1/2022

Q: Concerning chores, another expert recommends giving a child a certain number of chips, like poker chips, every month and if he or she fails to do a chore or doesn’t do it properly, you take a...

Is This Battle Worth It?

Posted on 12/29/2021

Q: I have six-month- and thirty-two-month-old boys. The older one—well-mannered, easy going, very affectionate—attends a preschool program three mornings a week. This is his second year there. ...

Using the ‘Dry Run’ for Tantrums

Posted on 11/16/2021

Q: My almost four-year-old daughter is generally well-behaved except for screaming and running away from me when we leave a store, the library, etc. before she’s ready to go. She pulls away from...

Choose 1 of 2 Paths With Kids’ Anxieties

Posted on 11/9/2021

Q: I recently changed my almost 4-year-old son’s preschool. My son, once fearless, has become reluctant to simply get out of the car in the morning and go into the school. There’s always a...

Cure for Kid Who Hits

Posted on 10/26/2021

A 4-year-old – I’ll call him Popeye – had a habit of hitting other children in his preschool program. His teachers tried various approaches, including rewarding him with a treat on days when he...

Taking Back Control From Child’s Tantrums

Posted on 7/27/2021

Q: Our four-year-old, an only child, is giving us fits. As a toddler, he began ignoring us. That evolved into downright refusing to do what we ask, as in, “I’m not going to” and just plain “No.”...

The Biggest Problem Teachers Face Is Parents

Posted on 7/13/2021

When I ask a teacher, “What is the biggest problem you face?” the answer – there has never been an exception – is “parents.” That is certainly a recent phenomenon. My parents were...

How To Ensure Your Children Sleep on Their Own

Posted on 5/12/2021

Q: I’m a working single mom with a 4-year-old daughter who won’t go to sleep unless I lie down with her. Plus, if she wakes up in the middle of the night to find I’m no longer in her bed, she...

What's up With Tantrums at Age 5?

Posted on 3/16/2021

Q: My 5-year-old continues to throw tantrums when he doesn’t get his way. His father and I are divorced. I have primary custody. He is with his dad every other weekend, basically. My ex- has very...

Why Isn't Your Child Sleeping in Her Own Bed?

Posted on 2/2/2021

Q: In a recent column, you described our five-year-old daughter. She is in bed at 6:30 in the evening but usually wakes up during the night and wants to talk to us about whatever is on her mind....

Advice for Preschool Teachers

Posted on 1/5/2021

Q: I teach 3- and 4-year-olds in a childcare center in Australia. I always have a few difficult children in any group and the book in which you describe Alpha Speech [The Well-Behaved Child] has...

Helping a Child Worried About Death

Posted on 8/18/2020

Q: We have a five-year-old who obsesses about dying. This has been going on for six months, ever since a child in the neighborhood died of a congenital genetic condition. Our son knew the boy and...

A Proven Solution to 5-Year-Old’s Eating ‘Issues’

Posted on 3/12/2019

Q: My 5-year-old has had eating issues since he was an infant. When I introduced solid food at six months, he began rejecting most vegetables. His feeding problems have worsened since then to the...

The Great Pre-K Debate

Posted on 8/28/2018

It has long been known, but only spoken of in hushed tones by university professors sitting in darkened rooms wearing Fat Elvis masks, that pre-Kindergarten “jump-start” (aka, “push-down”)...

Use Patient Guidance With Son Who Prefers Solitary Play

Posted on 6/7/2017

Q: Our 4-year-old prefers solitary play over play with other children. It’s been this way from early on when I began arranging play dates for him. When those really didn’t work, I enrolled him in...

Comfort, Not Counseling, Is the Treatment for Nightmares

Posted on 12/21/2016

Q: Our 5-year-old has suddenly started waking up with nightmares. He's not able to describe them with any clarity, however, so we don't know what the content of them is. The most he's able to...

Use Godfather Principle to Nip Fear of Doctor in the Bud

Posted on 9/20/2016

Q: Over the past year or so, our 5-year-old has developed an extreme fear of going to the doctor or dentist. This came on suddenly, without a precipitating incident. The crying begins when we...

Selecting the Right Private School

Posted on 8/16/2016

Q: We are looking for a private school for our 4-year-old. Regardless of the school we ultimately choose, we want to keep him there through eighth grade at least. We live in an suburban area so...

Approaches to Dinner with 4-year-old

Posted on 7/14/2015

Bedtime Fears

Posted on 3/10/2015

Losing Tickets on the Ticket System

Posted on 12/16/2014

Q: I’ve been trying for two months with little to no success to get your “ticket” system to work on my 4-year-old daughter. The target behaviors are ignoring me when I tell her to do...

Newly Academic Nature of Most Preschools

Posted on 11/25/2014

Courtesy of my friend and parent coach Janet Carter (www.ourchildishways.com), comes an interesting story: The parents of a 4-year-old girl went to a preschool parent conference to...

Simple Curiosity?

Posted on 8/19/2014

Q: Our 5-year-old grandson sees his 5-year-old female first cousin from time to time. After they play for a while, he tells her he wants to “touch” her. This has happened twice in recent...

Sassy Children

Posted on 7/8/2014

Q: The "sassiness" that I have heard so much about from my friends started a few months ago with my 5-year-old daughter. She will say things to me that I actually find myself tongue-tied on how or...

To Help or Not To Help?

Posted on 6/3/2014

I recently asked a group of 50 teachers: “Raise your hand if you agree that when a child comes to an adult asking for help with an academic problem, the adult should help.” ...

Defiant behavior at school

Posted on 5/13/2014

Q: For the past few months, our usually compliant 4-year-old son has been having problems with defiant behavior at school. He often refuses to do what he is told by the teacher. What concerns us...

Four Year Old Baby Talk

Posted on 4/29/2014

Q: Our 4-year-old son (middle child with older and younger sisters) frequently uses "baby talk". It doesn't seem to be a way of seeking attention, because when we ask him to repeat in his "big...

"The Doctor" Makes House Calls

Posted on 4/28/2014

Shortly after I finished graduate school, a friend of mine shared with me a book called Indirect Hypnosis, written by Milton Erickson, a most unorthodox psychiatrist if ever there was one....

Don't laugh!

Posted on 3/25/2014

Q: Our 4-year-old daughter has a huge problem with being laughed at. She loves to be goofy and do funny things but as soon as someone, including one of us, laughs at her she becomes upset. She...

"Boy" Behavior

Posted on 3/11/2014

Q: My 6-year-old son is a bright and friendly kindergartner. Each day a color coded chart is sent home about his behavior. This year he's gone through several spells during which he will have a...

Daughter does not "Measure Up."

Posted on 2/11/2014

Q: My 5-year-old is the youngest of my 3 children. Her older boy/girl twin siblings clearly outshine her athletically. They're already very skilled at wakeboarding and snow skiing, for example. I...

Who cleans up?

Posted on 2/4/2014

Q: I have 3 kids ages 8, 6, and 4. I need help solving the "pick up the playroom" dilemma. When an area in which they've been playing needs to be picked up and straightened, the 8-year-old always...

Consequences

Posted on 12/3/2013

Q: My 5-year-old son is an only child whom I homeschool. He talks back, argues, and generally wears me down. I need help getting to him to realize that no is no, that I mean what I say. I know I'm...

Odd is just odd

Posted on 11/19/2013

The mother of a 4-year-old boy shared an interesting story with me the other day. At age 2, her son began chewing meat to the point where it became liquid, but would not swallow. The parents...

What No Child Has Ever Said!

Posted on 10/8/2013

Q: My 5-year-old daughter has developed a bad habit of arguing with me whenever I refuse her something, anything. Believe me when I tell you she is relentless. She will continue to argue until...

Thumb Sucking and Security Blankets

Posted on 8/13/2013

Q: My 5-year-old is going to Kindergarten soon and still sucks her thumb. We've tried everything to get her to stop, even a dental appliance, but she won't give it up. Do you have a solution for...

Toddlers in Restaurants?

Posted on 6/25/2013

Q: Help! We find it almost impossible to finish a restaurant meal when our 18-month-old twins are along, which is always. We give them toys to keep them busy, and they do well for about 30 minutes...

Boys goofing around

Posted on 1/1/2013

Q: Our son is in Kindergarten at a small private school. Most of the children in his class are boys. From the beginning, he's been somewhat of a behavior problem. Each time we get a notice from...

Five year old will not bring friends home.

Posted on 12/25/2012

Q: My 5-year-old daughter loves to play with other kids her age, but has not yet asked me to invite any of her school friends over for a play date. According to her teacher, she's a bit shy but...

Kindergarten Behavior

Posted on 12/18/2012

Q: Our son started full-day kindergarten in September. For the first three months he had no problem with his behavior at school, but for the past few weeks he has gotten in trouble for talking,...

Don't 'Jump the gun' on bullying.

Posted on 8/14/2012

Q: My oldest child starts kindergarten soon. I know there will be the class and/or bus bully who will cause her some distress, whether directly or indirectly. I want to know how to handle it...

4-Year-Old Girl - Using Ticket Method for Improved Behavior

Posted on 6/21/2011

Stick with the tickets and stay on track Q: Using the "ticket method" you have described, I began my 4-year-old daughter's rehabilitation program this week. When she loses all five of her...

Young Children Attending Funeral

Posted on 6/14/2011

Children at funerals? Q: My father-in-law has about one month to live. Should our children - ages 7, 5 and 2 - attend the funeral or viewing? A. Sit down with the older two children,...

4-Year-Old Boy Not Socializing with Other Children

Posted on 5/31/2011

Boy doesn't like playing with unfamiliar children Q. My son will be 4 years old in a couple of months. He is having problems playing and relating to groups of kids in social situations. For...

4-Year-Old Girl Disobedient Around Friend

Posted on 5/10/2011

Ill-behaved child = thoughtless parents Q. Our 4-year-old is fairly well-behaved, but her best friend is definitely not. We just got back from a weekend trip with that family, and I was...

5-Year-Old Girl Neediness

Posted on 4/5/2011

I'm-growing-up list for neediness Q: My daughter, who is 5, relies on me far too much. All through the day, she asks me to do simple things for her like get her a glass of water or help her put...

4-Year-Old Girl Clothes and Tantrums

Posted on 3/29/2011

Tantrums halted And now, on to a more uplifting topic: Several weeks ago, a mom wrote complaining that her 4-year-old daughter would not wear the clothes picked out the night before, even if...

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