John's Articles
‘Parenting’ vs Childrearing
Posted on 1/25/2022
I often go looking for parenting ideas that illustrate the difference between so-called “parenting” and mere childrearing. They abound. My latest find came in the form of a 2018 article on...
Read MoreFour Steps To Give Argumentative Teenager the Last Word (and Restore Sanity)
Posted on 6/8/2021
Q: My fifteen-year-old daughter is slowly driving me insane! She argues with me about everything and always wants the last word. No matter how well I explain the “why?” of a decision to her, she...
Read MoreMoodiness Is Merely a Bad Emotional Habit
Posted on 10/27/2020
Living with an emotionally dramatic child is no fun. They throw wet blankets over nearly every family gathering or outing. Little is right in their lives and attempts to cheer them up generally...
Read MoreIt Takes Two
Posted on 7/14/2017
The storm gathered upstairs while I sat reading the paper. It began as a rumbling confusion of voices, suddenly punctuated by a gruff, insistent, “GET OUTTA HERE!” Then came a piercing screech....
Read MoreTake a Time-Out Before Engaging With Argumentative Child
Posted on 11/22/2016
Q: In last week’s column, you advised parents not to argue with teenagers. That’s fine and dandy advice, John, but you failed to tell your readers how to stay out of or end these arguments. For...
Read MoreA Non-Argumentative Teen Is a Happy One
Posted on 11/15/2016
My advice to The Wall Street Journal, the only news source to which I subscribe: Stop trying to be all things to all people. Specifically, stop giving parenting advice. The latest attempt by...
Read MoreAn Example in Parenting Minimalism
Posted on 11/4/2014
Q: My 6-year-old son argues with me about everything I tell him to do. He comes up with reason after reason why he shouldn’t have to or can’t, why it’s unfair, or why, at the least, I...
Read MoreSimple Solutions
Posted on 7/29/2014
I absolutely love it when people begin to realize that the problems they’re having with a child are of their own making; when they begin to realize, in other words, that the child is not the...
Read MoreGood Parenting Decisions
Posted on 5/20/2014
Q: For the first five years of her life, it was just me and my now 13-year-old daughter. I didn’t have a clue as to what I was doing. I wasn’t consistent; I didn’t hold her accountable; I was an...
Read More"The Doctor" Makes House Calls
Posted on 4/28/2014
Shortly after I finished graduate school, a friend of mine shared with me a book called Indirect Hypnosis, written by Milton Erickson, a most unorthodox psychiatrist if ever there was one....
Read MoreBe the Parent Your Child Needs
Posted on 4/1/2014
Q: My 14-year-old daughter says I don't trust her because unlike her best friend's parents, I won't allow her to stay home alone for several days while I go out of town. Her friend's parents do...
Read More"Boy" Behavior
Posted on 3/11/2014
Q: My 6-year-old son is a bright and friendly kindergartner. Each day a color coded chart is sent home about his behavior. This year he's gone through several spells during which he will have a...
Read MoreInterpersonal Snot Wiping Behavior
Posted on 2/25/2014
Q: We are having a problem with our 32-month-old son. He picks his nose-most often in a public setting-and then proceeds to wipe it on other family members. It's disgusting. We have tried ignoring...
Read MoreChild Argues with EVERYTHING
Posted on 1/7/2014
Q: What suggestions do you have for disciplining a 7-year-old girl who argues with every single thing her parents say? We don't try to reason with her and we frequently say "Because I said so" but...
Read MoreWhat No Child Has Ever Said!
Posted on 10/8/2013
Q: My 5-year-old daughter has developed a bad habit of arguing with me whenever I refuse her something, anything. Believe me when I tell you she is relentless. She will continue to argue until...
Read MoreKicking Out of the Garden of Eden [Explained]
Posted on 10/6/2013
Kicking the child out of the Garden of Eden John's "Garden of Eden" statement: Other Q and A or articles about this method may be searched by using the keyword "Garden" Below is detailed...
Read MoreLast Chance for Major Change
Posted on 2/5/2013
Q: Our 17-year-old is a highly spoiled underachiever. As a junior in high school, he's failing two classes and borderline in the rest. We know that his problems are largely due to our parenting...
Read More7 year old twins fighting
Posted on 1/8/2013
Q: How can we help our 7-year-old twin girls stop fighting? They constantly provoke and antagonize each other. We thought this was just normal sibling conflict, but it seems to be developing into...
Read MoreBoys goofing around
Posted on 1/1/2013
Q: Our son is in Kindergarten at a small private school. Most of the children in his class are boys. From the beginning, he's been somewhat of a behavior problem. Each time we get a notice from...
Read MoreUse Chair of Wisdom for 8-Year-Old and 10-Year-Old Girls
Posted on 1/27/2009
IF 'NO' DOESN'T WORK, GET THE CHAIR OF WISDOM Q. Our 8- and 10-year-old daughters came to me and asked if they could go to the movies with two friends from school that they wanted to "get to...
Read More6-Year-Old Boys - Moaning, Eye Rolling, Door Slamming, Stomping
Posted on 7/22/2008
TRY '3 STRIKES' WITH REBELLIOUS 6-YEAR-OLDS Q: How should we handle the noises (moaning), the gestures (eye rolling) and the posturing (door slamming, stomping) that ensue so often around here...
Read More7-Year-Old Boy Talking Back, Arguing, and Lying
Posted on 3/4/2008
PARENTS SHARE THEIR 3 STORIES OF 'TOUGH LOVE' TURNAROUNDS It's one thing to give advice on the rearing of children, which is what I do through this column. It's quite another to share...
Read MoreKindergartener with Attitude and Sassy Talk
Posted on 2/6/2007
Little Jekyll and Hyde Q: Every morning, I send my sweet, well-behaved son to kindergarten and every evening I face a teenager. When I tell him to do or stop doing something, he gives me an...
Read MoreEmotional Outbursts of Hate
Posted on 1/18/2005
The love-hate thing Q: Is it disrespectful for a child to yell "I hate you!" at a parent? A: Most people, it seems, think so. I don't. The difference between a disrespectful statement...
Read More8-Year-Old Tells Mom "I Hate You!"
Posted on 1/13/2004
Q: Occasionally, when I discipline my 8-year-old daughter by, say, taking away a privilege because she's disobeyed me, she screams that she hates me. It seems to me that this is disrespectful....
Read More14-Year-Old Argues and Wants Last Word with Parent
Posted on 9/26/2000
A WILY STRATEGY TO NIP ARGUMENTS IN THE BUD Q. My 14-year-old daughter is driving me nuts! Every single time I refuse to let her do something or give her something she wants, she starts an...
Read More7-Year-Old Is Very Argumentative and Demands an Explanation for Everything
Posted on 7/11/1996
YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF WHETHER CHILD ARGUES OVER DECISIONS Q. My 7-year-old daughter is very argumentative. She wants an explanation for every decision of mine she doesn't like, but no...
Read More6-Year-Old Tells Mom "I Hate You!"
Posted on 5/13/1994
WHEN KIDS SAY, I HATE YOU!' THEY DON'T REALLY MEAN IT Q. When my 6-year-old gets angry with me, he often says he hates me. This usually happens when I speak to him in a firm tone of voice or...
Read More11-Year-Old is Angry and Resentful Toward Mom
Posted on 2/4/1994
DAUGHTER IS JUST PLAIN DISRESPECTFUL Q. My 11-year-old daughter has recently started expressing a lot of anger and bottled-up resentment toward me. Just this morning, for example, I remarked...
Read More6-Year-Old Does Not Respond to Ineffective Time-Out Discipline
Posted on 3/26/1993
I'LL SAY IT AGAIN: IT'S TIME TO CALL TIME-OUT ON INEFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE Q. After reading an article on discipline in a parenting magazine, I began using time-out with my 6-year-old son, who...
Read More8-Year-Old is Disruptive, Demanding, and Center of Attention
Posted on 8/14/1992
IF ONE OF YOUR KIDS ACTS LIKE A TYRANT, EXAMINE YOUR FAMILY'S PRIORITIES Q. We are two working parents with three children, one of whom, the 8-year- old, is constantly disruptive. He demands...
Read More7-Year-Old Ignores, Complains, and Argues with Parents
Posted on 10/1/1989
PARENTS, PLAN YOUR DISCIPLINE STRATEGY Q. We read with interest your column of last week on the differences between managerial and punitive discipline. We want to know how we can use a...
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