John's Articles
Teen Son's Problems Related to Video Games
Posted on 12/17/2013
Q: Over the past year, the relationship between our 14-year-old son and his sisters has deteriorated markedly and is causing major problems in our family. He won't speak to them and says he hates...
Read MoreHurt Feelings
Posted on 12/17/2013
Q: My 6-year-old daughter has recently learned to say "You're hurting my feelings." This is part of her school's anti-bullying program. The problem is she's now saying it to me when I discipline...
Read More150 Word Toilet Training Program
Posted on 12/10/2013
Q: My 18-month-old kicks me and hits me when I try to change his diaper. He doesn't do this for his father or grandparents. Should I hold his legs down until he gives up or will this worsen...
Read MoreConsequences
Posted on 12/3/2013
Q: My 5-year-old son is an only child whom I homeschool. He talks back, argues, and generally wears me down. I need help getting to him to realize that no is no, that I mean what I say. I know I'm...
Read MoreCooperation
Posted on 11/5/2013
One of the most problematic words in America's post-1960s parenting language is "cooperate." "I want my children to cooperate," a parent tells me. She tells me this in the midst of...
Read MoreExplaining School Shootings
Posted on 10/29/2013
A radio talk show recently called to ask how parents should explain school shootings to their kids. My answer: It depends. I prefer, for the most part, for parents to say nothing unless their...
Read MoreToilet Training Without Tantrums Note
Posted on 10/25/2013
Editor's Comment: John gets so many questions about toilet training. I am reprinting a column from two years ago; with an additional note. Almost every question received about toilet training has...
Read MoreKicking Out of the Garden of Eden [Explained]
Posted on 10/6/2013
Kicking the child out of the Garden of Eden John's "Garden of Eden" statement: Other Q and A or articles about this method may be searched by using the keyword "Garden" Below is detailed...
Read MoreDiscipline Problems
Posted on 10/1/2013
Most parents describe discipline problems as if they are "coming out" of their kids, that the problems in question reveal facets of their kids' personalities-things like "strong-willed."...
Read MoreBiggest Mistake Parents Make
Posted on 9/24/2013
A journalist recently asked "What is the biggest mistake parents make?" I had to think about that. Which parents? The biggest mistake made by some parents is they pay entirely too much attention...
Read MoreWhat News to Tell a Child
Posted on 9/17/2013
A 13-year-old Washington state boy was recently arrested, then released to the custody of his parents after making online threats of shooting up and blowing up his middle school. He also...
Read MoreThumb Sucking - Revisited
Posted on 8/27/2013
In a recent column I said thumb-sucking is not, as was once thought, a sign of insecurity or other psychological problems. Well-adjusted children suck their thumbs and grow up to be...
Read MoreGood Old Days
Posted on 8/6/2013
Sometimes, the so-called "good old days" really were better. For example, if the data is correct, then the state of parenting in America has been in slow but steady decline since the...
Read MoreYelling - Not Good for Parent or Child
Posted on 7/16/2013
"I'm a yeller," she said, she being the mother of three young children. "No," I replied, "you're not. There is no genetic predisposition toward yelling, and no biochemical or...
Read MoreNanny Interaction
Posted on 7/9/2013
A mom asked me a most interesting and currently pertinent question the other day: "How much one-on-one interaction should take place been a nanny and a child under her supervision?" The...
Read MoreDealing with Electronics
Posted on 7/2/2013
I often hear real-life parenting stories that evoke two equally strong feelings: on the one hand, sorrow; on the other, gratefulness. I am saddened to hear these stories, always told to me...
Read MoreToddlers in Restaurants?
Posted on 6/25/2013
Q: Help! We find it almost impossible to finish a restaurant meal when our 18-month-old twins are along, which is always. We give them toys to keep them busy, and they do well for about 30 minutes...
Read MoreRadical Parenting Philosophies
Posted on 6/18/2013
If my parents told me once, they told me at least one hundred times, "Don't talk to anyone about their religious or political beliefs." They meant, of course, that those topics are likely to...
Read More"Like" This
Posted on 6/11/2013
"Are you trying to tell me something?" I asked my pre-teen grandson. "Um, uh, yes." "Then don't use that word. You know how I feel about it." "Okay." And the conversation proceeded...
Read MoreGifted and Talented Programs
Posted on 6/4/2013
Q: Our 9-year-old daughter is going to the fourth grade next school year. She loves school and has always done very well. She recently took a series of tests and we've learned that she qualifies...
Read MoreAuthority
Posted on 5/28/2013
Q: My 3-year-old started preschool 3 days a week (private sitter other two days) about 2 months ago. He did great. However, this week he began being defiant, not following directions then kicked,...
Read MoreSchool Start and Birthdays
Posted on 5/21/2013
Q: Our son's fifth birthday is in August. He did just fine, socially and academically, in preschool, but the counselor at the school he's slated to attend has recommended that we hold him back a...
Read MoreMy Son Hates Me
Posted on 5/14/2013
Q: I went into my 17-year-old's bedroom to wake him this morning. After some urging, he eventually got up and then told me he hated me. What is the appropriate consequence for this sort of...
Read MoreParenting Stone Age
Posted on 5/7/2013
When I was a child, back in the Parenting Stone Age (a.k.a. the Parentocentric Era), your parents were the most important people in the family. They paid the bills, bought your clothes, prepared...
Read MoreShould I Let My 17-Year-Old Son Go on 'Senior Beach Week'?
Posted on 3/12/2013
<b>Q: In our city, most of the high school seniors participate in “Senior Beach Week” during spring break. They rent beach houses and condos and party like there’s no tomorrow. Alcohol, marijuana...
Read More18-Month-Old is a Table Terror!
Posted on 2/26/2013
Q: Our 18 month old is a table terror! While I'm preparing dinner, she walks around acting like she's starving, but as soon as we sit her in her highchair she takes a few bites and then wants...
Read MoreThink Like Me
Posted on 2/19/2013
Someone recently told me she wanted her children to "think for themselves." Not me, I said. If I was still in my active parenting years, I would most definitely want my children to think...
Read MoreWhat is Bullying, Exactly?
Posted on 2/12/2013
The principal of a middle school recently confided in me that "this bullying thing has gotten completely out of hand." He wasn't referring to bullying itself, although that's certainly out of...
Read MoreLast Chance for Major Change
Posted on 2/5/2013
Q: Our 17-year-old is a highly spoiled underachiever. As a junior in high school, he's failing two classes and borderline in the rest. We know that his problems are largely due to our parenting...
Read MoreNine year old: Homeschooling problem
Posted on 1/28/2013
Q: Our 9-year-old (only child) is home-schooled. He starts out well for about one hour, but then the wheels start falling off. He has to constantly be told what to do, but if you don't stand over...
Read MoreMother-Son-Dance?
Posted on 1/28/2013
Q: Our two sons are in the fifth and sixth grades at a private school that just held a father-daughter dance. Now the school has announced that it's putting on a mother-son dance so as not to...
Read More3 Year Old has bedtime problems
Posted on 1/22/2013
Q: For the past several weeks, our just-turned 3-year-old has been waking up and coming into our room at all hours of the night with the usual excuses. He's scared, hungry, thirsty, lonely, can't...
Read MoreNine year old Refuses to go to her room
Posted on 1/15/2013
Q: What should I do when my 9-year-old daughter loses all of her privileges because of her misbehavior but refuses to go to her room? I tried to physically force her, but she put up too much of a...
Read More7 year old twins fighting
Posted on 1/8/2013
Q: How can we help our 7-year-old twin girls stop fighting? They constantly provoke and antagonize each other. We thought this was just normal sibling conflict, but it seems to be developing into...
Read MoreBoys goofing around
Posted on 1/1/2013
Q: Our son is in Kindergarten at a small private school. Most of the children in his class are boys. From the beginning, he's been somewhat of a behavior problem. Each time we get a notice from...
Read MoreFive year old will not bring friends home.
Posted on 12/25/2012
Q: My 5-year-old daughter loves to play with other kids her age, but has not yet asked me to invite any of her school friends over for a play date. According to her teacher, she's a bit shy but...
Read MoreKindergarten Behavior
Posted on 12/18/2012
Q: Our son started full-day kindergarten in September. For the first three months he had no problem with his behavior at school, but for the past few weeks he has gotten in trouble for talking,...
Read MoreAttitude is everything!
Posted on 12/11/2012
Q: Our 7-year-old has always been a great, respectful, funny little kid. However, recently he started lying and become a little sneaky. We punished him by taking his television privilege away and...
Read MoreAdult Child: What to do?
Posted on 12/11/2012
Q: We have an adult child who doesn't want to grow up. She quit college after two years and moved across the country. As we anticipated, she's having difficulty supporting herself. In fact, she...
Read MorePotty Training 201: Nighttime
Posted on 12/4/2012
Q: This past August, when our son was a mere 22 months of age, it took him two weeks to learn to use the potty successfully. He was dry even at night. We were thrilled! However, now that the...
Read MoreElectronic Media: From Bad to Worse
Posted on 8/21/2012
Q: Our 13-year-old daughter has been mature for her age from early on. She takes advanced classes and makes straight A's. She's also very talented musically. We think, however, that she has become...
Read MoreChores: Start Early
Posted on 8/21/2012
Q: I know you think children as young as 3 should be doing chores around the home. That seems awfully young, but can you recommend several age-appropriate chores I can try with my 3-and-one-half...
Read MoreUnconditional Love and Unequivocal Leadership
Posted on 8/7/2012
In the late 1960s, as psychologist B. F. Skinner's behavior modification theory made the jump from academia into popular culture, the focus in child rearing shifted from molding character to...
Read MoreFeelings Are Not as Important as Thoughts
Posted on 1/4/2012
When I was growing up, it was said that one should not engage in discussions of religion or politics. These days, engaging in conversation concerning how someone raises their children is just as...
Read More16-Month-Old Son - Read to Child When Ready
Posted on 6/14/2011
Read to toddlers when they're ready Q: In your book on 2-year-olds, you recommend reading to a child from early on. My problem is that every time I attempt to read to my 16-month-old son he...
Read MoreYoung Children Attending Funeral
Posted on 6/14/2011
Children at funerals? Q: My father-in-law has about one month to live. Should our children - ages 7, 5 and 2 - attend the funeral or viewing? A. Sit down with the older two children,...
Read MoreRaising Children to be Good Neighbors and Good Citizens
Posted on 5/3/2011
I'm reasonably certain that my parents never used the term "John's needs." Since having this thought, I've asked a handful of folks my age, "Do you think your parents ever talked about your needs...
Read More19-Year-Old Girl Dating Sarcastic Boyfriend
Posted on 3/15/2011
Is it verbal abuse or just snide humor? It appears that a recent column of mine had an effect similar to a Rorschach inkblot: People read their own personal experiences and/or biases into it...
Read More19-Year-Old Girl Dating Negative Boyfriend
Posted on 3/1/2011
Boyfriend just needs to grow up Q. Our 19-year-old daughter is dating a 19-year-old, who, in general, we like. He's not a partier, he's serious about his education, etc. The problem is that his...
Read MoreLearned Helplessness
Posted on 2/1/2011
'Tiger mom' says she was kidding? Please Stop the presses! I interrupt this column with an important update: Infamous Chinese Tiger Mother Amy Chua, whose account of her parenting methods...
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