John's Articles
7-Year-Old is Like a Compulsive Gambler
Posted on 8/14/2001
IF KIDS GET AWAY WITH IT, THEY TAKE A GAMBLE AGAIN How are an undisciplined child and a compulsive gambler alike? They both believe, despite objective evidence to the contrary, that they...
Read More7-Year-Old Resents 8-Year-Old Handicapped Sister for Commanding Attention
Posted on 5/8/2001
ACTION, NOT TALK, PUTS A LID ON GRIPING Q. We have two children, ages 8 and 7, the older of whom is severely handicapped. Ever since her younger brother realized the nature and extent of her...
Read MoreLower the Boom on Misbehavior
Posted on 4/24/2001
'THE BOOM' NIPS MISBEHAVIOR IN THE BUD I've asked several recent audiences, "Raise your hand if you think the punishment should fit the crime." Every time, nearly all hands go up. There...
Read MoreMom Controls 8-Year-Old, Dad Rewards Her
Posted on 4/3/2001
DAD'S 'PRIZES' WILL BACKFIRE - BUT SO WILL MOM'S CONTROL GAME Q. My husband occasionally gives our very stubborn and manipulative 8-year-old daughter "prizes" for doing what she is told. The...
Read More5- and 9-Year-Old Behavior Problems
Posted on 3/13/2001
'INCORRECT' DISCIPLINE GETS RESULTS, CAUSES NO DAMAGE This week, I offer two true stories that illustrate the compelling nature of "psychologically incorrect discipline" (PID) - any corrective...
Read More4-Year-Old Agressive and Disrespectful
Posted on 3/6/2001
Happy Ending File: A good buddy pediatrician tells me he recently saw a 4-year-old who had suddenly become aggressive, disrespectful, and emotionally explosive after several major transitions,...
Read MoreNo Nonsense Approach to Parenting
Posted on 1/2/2001
WARNINGS CALL FORTH DISOBEDIENCE, AND YOU CAN'T LET THAT SLIDE Q. Do you recommend giving children choices when they don't want to do what they are told, as in, "You can either sit in this...
Read MoreEffective Discipline is Nothing More Than Loving Leadership
Posted on 12/26/2000
PARENTS NEED TO LEARN ART OF LOVING LEADERSHIP Effective discipline - the essence of effective child rearing - is not a set of techniques properly used. It is not spanking or time out or...
Read More26-Month-Old Diagnosed with ADHD
Posted on 12/5/2000
DON'T MEDICATE A 2-YEAR-OLD FOR NORMAL RASCALITY A friend of mine participates in a national network of pediatricians who share information and advice with one another through the World Wide...
Read More5-Year-Old Has Friend Who Is Bad Influence
Posted on 11/14/2000
SON'S LITTLE FRIEND MAY NOT BE ONLY MISCHIEF-MAKER Q. My 5-year-old son has a little friend who seems to have a bad influence on him and I don't know what to do about it. For example, I...
Read More14-Year-Old Argues and Wants Last Word with Parent
Posted on 9/26/2000
A WILY STRATEGY TO NIP ARGUMENTS IN THE BUD Q. My 14-year-old daughter is driving me nuts! Every single time I refuse to let her do something or give her something she wants, she starts an...
Read MoreLevy a Punishment That Does Not Fit the Crime
Posted on 9/19/2000
KIDS' PUNISHMENT MUST BE STRONG ENOUGH TO MAKE AN IMPACT Some time ago (the statute of limitations has passed), a good friend told me his 5-year-old, in complete disregard of the rules, rode...
Read MoreParents Should Tell Children What To Do, Not Ask.
Posted on 9/12/2000
Today's parents frequently complain that their children don't do as they are told. That simply isn't true. Almost every child will do what he or she is told, most of the time. (I estimate the...
Read MorePsycobabble Convinced Mom that 7-Year-Old is Depressed
Posted on 5/30/2000
PSYCHOBABBLE CAN OBSCURE THE NECESSITY OF DISCIPLINE Today's parents have been brainwashed by psychobabble dispensed in well-intentioned ways by parenting "experts." As a consequence, they...
Read More7-Year-Old is Poor Sport
Posted on 4/11/2000
POOR SPORT NEEDS TO BE TAKEN OUT OF THE GAME Q. My 7 year-old is a poor sport, gloating when he wins a game and crying when he loses. My husband's entire family shares this trait with him, so...
Read MoreParenting Short Stories
Posted on 3/28/2000
ADD OR BAD? BOY'S BEHAVIOR COULD BE BOTH Here's a collection of "parenting shorts:" First, an absolutely true story from my "A Rose, By Any Other Name ... " file, told to me by the mother...
Read More26-Month-Old Screams When Upset
Posted on 2/29/2000
PUT THE SCREAMER IN HIS PLACE, AND MAKE IT JUST FOR TANTRUMS Q. My youngest, a boy, is 26 months old. When we visited relatives recently, my nephew - three months older - was very aggressive...
Read MoreAppropriate Punishment for 13-Month-Old
Posted on 2/29/2000
Q. What is the best approach to handling unwanted behavior from my 13-month-old? For example, one thing she likes to do is shake the dining room chairs. She pulled one over on her once, but...
Read MoreDiscipline is Best When Strict
Posted on 2/8/2000
WITHOUT CHILL FROM PUNISHMENT, STRICTEST WORDS ARE JUST HOT AIR I receive a fair number of letters and e-mails from people who are writing to affirm my belief that discipline is best when...
Read More9-Year-Old's Friends are Rude and Bad-Mannered
Posted on 1/4/2000
DON'T LET CHILD GET AWAY WITH RUDENESS Q. How should I deal with my children's friends, who are often rude and ill-mannered to my children, husband, and myself? Recently, for example, my...
Read More4-Year-Old Smart Comments, Glaring Looks, and Deliberate Disobedience
Posted on 12/7/1999
OBNOXIOUS BEHAVIOR GETS HIM A TICKET Q. Our son, who turns 4 soon, has been going through a personality change. His once-sunny disposition has turned sour, and I don't know how to turn it back...
Read More4-Year-Old Agressive Toward 30-Month-Old Sibling
Posted on 11/16/1999
4-YEAR-OLD MUST PAY FOR HITTING BROTHER Q. My 4 year-old is very aggressive, sometimes even violent, toward his younger brother, age 30 months. I don't think he's completely to blame for their...
Read More11-Year-Old Disobeys Mom Concerning Movie
Posted on 9/21/1999
MORAL OF THIS STORY: STAND FIRM, PARENTS The following is "Parenting at its Best" - a true tale of parenting courage under fire. Kate and Will (not their real names) have three children,...
Read MoreMost Essential Element of Successful Discipline is Good Communication
Posted on 7/20/1999
Q. Overall I feel you place too much emphasis on strict discipline and not enough on the need to be a relaxed, affectionate parent. Don't you agree that being relaxed is essential to good...
Read MoreDiscipline is the Process of Creating a Disciple, Someone Who Will Follow Your Lead
Posted on 7/13/1999
PARENTS IN COMMAND MAY NOT NEED TO PUNISH Q. In The New York Times, I recently read, "While research has shown that children turn out best in families in which parental demands are enforced,...
Read MoreRandom Parenting Thoughts
Posted on 6/8/1999
NO EXCUSES, PARENTS; A DIFFICULT CHILD IS NOT BORN THAT WAY A few random thoughts occurring at 35,000 feet, on my way to Hollywood for a guest appearance on "Politically Incorrect.'' Who? Me?...
Read More4-Year-Old Misbehaves in Public Places
Posted on 5/11/1999
GIVE TICKETS TO PUT AN END TO ACTING UP Q. Almost every time we take our 4-year-old into a store, he begins misbehaving. How do you discipline a child when the eyes of the world are upon you?...
Read More8- and 10-Year-Old Bicker Constantly
Posted on 4/20/1999
GIVE KIDS INCENTIVES TO STOP THEIR BICKERING Q. Do you have any ideas on how to stop two children, ages 10 and 8, from bickering constantly with one another? A. If you have more than one...
Read MoreChallenge Miss Tardy to Beat Inspection Bell
Posted on 3/30/1999
<b>Q. Our 6-year-old drags her feet every school morning. I end up helping her dress, brushing her hair, etc., in order to get out the door on time. I've tried everything from rewards to spanking....
Read MoreParenting Philosophy
Posted on 3/16/1999
CHILD LEARNS BEST WHEN HE SUFFERS FOR HIS MISTAKES Several journalists have recently asked me to describe my parenting philosophy, so I thought I'd share my answer with my readers. Where...
Read MoreAdoptive 4-Year-Old Steals From Parents - Part 2
Posted on 3/2/1999
HOLDING CHILD RESPONSIBLE IS A LESSON In a recent column, I advised the parents of a 4-year-old girl who was stealing from them to hold the child responsible for any possession of theirs that...
Read MoreAdoptive 4-Year-Old Steals From Parents - Part 1
Posted on 2/16/1999
TRY THIS TO DEAL WITH YOUR YOUNG DAUGHTER'S STEALING Q. Two years ago, we adopted an intelligent, creative, outgoing 4-year-old girl whose birth parents had been neglectful and often homeless....
Read MoreChild-Rearing Myths - Part 2
Posted on 2/9/1999
MORE MYTHS ABOUT RAISING A CHILD Last week's column dealt with several contemporary child-rearing myths, beginning with the notion that "good self-esteem is always good.'' This week, I...
Read MoreChild-Rearing Myths - Part 1
Posted on 2/2/1999
PAYING THE PRICE FOR BAD BEHAVIOR IS FAIR, EFFECTIVE Thirty or so years ago, experts began telling parents that high self-esteem would lead to better grades and better behavior, and prevent...
Read MoreMom Keeps Telling Children Same Things Over and Over Again
Posted on 1/12/1999
PUNISHMENT SHOULD STOP THE CRIME, NOT JUST FIT IT "I keep having to tell my children the same things over and over again,'' said the mother of three. "Things like hang up your coat' and don't...
Read MoreChild-Rearing and Family Life - Part 2
Posted on 1/5/1999
WITHHOLDING DISCIPLINE LETS FRUSTRATION BUILD TO A BOIL More musings on child rearing and family life: * Proverbs says the parent who holds back the rod of discipline hates his child. This...
Read MoreChild-Rearing and Family Life - Part 1
Posted on 12/29/1998
MUSINGS ON FAMILY LIFE IN '99 CONSIDER THIS ON MONEY, SCHOOL, GUILT A few musings: * A family financial counselor tells me that two parents who both work outside the home are usually...
Read MoreThoughts on Children, Parenting, Families, and People in General - Part 2
Posted on 10/20/1998
LET'S BE HONEST: WELL-BEHAVED KIDS ARE THE ONES WE LIKE TO HAVE AROUND More random thoughts on children, parenting, families, and people in general, written during a speaking trip to...
Read MoreThoughts on Children, Parenting, Families, and People in General - Part 1
Posted on 10/13/1998
TOILETS, LIKE OBLIGATIONS, MAY FINALLY FADE AWAY Random thoughts while winging my way to recent speaking engagements in Daphne, Ala., and Birmingham, Ala. * Responding to the fact that...
Read MoreKids No Longer Take Responsbility for Misbehavior
Posted on 9/8/1998
WE'VE TRAINED A GENERATION NOT TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY One of the mantras oft recited by the psychologists of my generation is "criticize the behavior, not the child.'' For example, instead of...
Read More3 Step Plan To Get Kids To Do What They Are Told To Do
Posted on 8/11/1998
3-STEP PLAN WILL GET KIDS TO DO WHAT THEY'RE TOLD "How can I get my children to do what they're told?'' More people ask me this question than any other. The answer is a relatively simple...
Read MoreBoys Need Discipline, Not Talking
Posted on 5/19/1998
BOYS WILL BE BOYS' ISN'T VERY HELPFUL A "Nice Try, but Close Counts in Horseshoes'' award to Newsweek for its May 11 cover story, "How to Build a Better Boy.'' Staff writers Barbara...
Read MoreMother Rewards 8-Year-Old for Misbehavior
Posted on 5/5/1998
MOTHER IS REWARDING CHILD FOR DISOBEYING A good friend told me the following story. She called it a joke, although I'm not sure everyone would agree. This couple owned a large dog named...
Read MoreForget Timeout: Outrageous Behavior Deserves Outrageous Consequence
Posted on 4/14/1998
TO GET CHILD'S ATTENTION, BE AS OUTRAGEOUS AS CHILD IS The current generation of mental health professionals has given parents the impression that time-out, properly used, will end any...
Read MoreConsequences for 6-Year-Old who is Testing Parent
Posted on 2/3/1998
TO GET CHILD'S ATTENTION, TRY SOME ENFORCEMENT WHEN IT'S LEAST EXPECTED Q. My 6-year-old daughter has started to test me at every possible opportunity. Every time I tell her to do something,...
Read More7-Year-Old Won't Dress Herself on School Mornings
Posted on 1/20/1998
PUT BURDEN OF DRESSING ON AMANDA'S SHOULDERS Q. Our 7-year-old daughter won't dress herself on school mornings. After we wake her up, Amanda goes into a "limp dishrag'' routine. I usually...
Read MoreChildren Should Be Accountable For Their Behavior
Posted on 12/16/1997
WHEN CHILD GETS TO AGE 2, PUSH HIM OUT OF PARADISE In Genesis 2 and 3, Adam and Eve - after being told not to do so - eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. When God discovers what...
Read MoreIt is Everyone's Best Interest That a Child be Well-Behaved
Posted on 12/9/1997
TO GET GOOD BEHAVIOR, PARENTS MUST DEMAND IT A month or so ago, I put this question to an audience of some 500 people in Davidson: "How many of you are certain that your children are as...
Read MoreMust be Firm with 32-Month-Old
Posted on 10/28/1997
A LITTLE FIRMNESS GOES A LONG WAY Every so often, a parent is presented with an opportunity to create what I call a "defining moment.'' Such "moments'' set important precedents and resolve...
Read MoreParent Can't Think of Appropriate Consequences When Children Misbehave
Posted on 10/21/1997
NO NEED TO BE QUICK ON YOUR FEET WITH WAY TO DISCIPLINE Q. At a recent talk I attended, you said that when children misbehave, they should learn that misbehavior is not "free'' - it should...
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