John's Articles

5-Year-Old Friend Issue

Posted on 10/28/2003

LET 5-YEAR-OLD FIND OWN WAY TO DEAL WITH FRIENDS Q: My daughter is 5, going on 6. She is smart, outgoing, verbal, and very sensitive. The other day she told me that her very good friend was not...

5-Year-Old Scared During the Night

Posted on 10/28/2003

Q: Our 5-year-old daughter has recently been getting out of bed in the middle of the night and coming into our room telling us she is scared. When we question her, however, she can't tell us what...

Mom Does Not Use Sippy Cups

Posted on 10/14/2003

PARENTING NUGGETS' OFFER SOLUTIONS TO EVERYDAY CHALLENGES Every so often, through my Web site usually, a parent - well, actually, a mom - will send me an especially creative idea she stumbled...

5-Year-Old Needs to Occupy Self

Posted on 10/7/2003

SHOW KIDS THEY'RE SMART ENOUGH TO OCCUPY THEMSELVES Q: I'm a single mom who works full-time from home. At noon, I pick up my 5-year-old from her half-day kindergarten program. Unfortunately,...

4-Year-Old Refuses to Dress for School

Posted on 9/23/2003

A LITTLE DISCIPLINE WON'T DAMAGE CHILD Several columns ago, I related the story of an encounter with the mother of a defiant 4-year-old girl. The child had refused to dress for school in the...

Defiant 4-Year-Old

Posted on 9/2/2003

MOM WON BATTLE, NOT WAR AGAINST DEFIANCE The mother of a 4-year-old girl tells her daughter to dress for school. The child replies, with defiance dripping from every syllable, "I don't want to,...

5-Year-Old Birthday Party Should be Simple

Posted on 8/19/2003

KEEP KIDS' BIRTHDAY PARTIES MODEST, SIMPLE Q: My sister and her husband recently threw a birthday party for their 5-year-old daughter that included pony rides, a visit from Cinderella (who gave...

4-Year-Old Refuses to Take Nap

Posted on 7/22/2003

INSTEAD OF 'TAKE A NAP,' SET RULES FOR 'QUIET TIME' Q: For the last six months or so, my almost-4-year-old son has refused to take a nap for me. I know he's tired because he will fall asleep if...

Children and Computers

Posted on 5/27/2003

LIMIT KIDS' PC USE TILL THEY'RE LITERATE Were he alive today, Samuel Taylor Coleridge might well have written, "PCs, PCs in every class, and no child is made to think." Psychologist Jane...

5-Year-Old Being Aggressive with 10-Month-Old

Posted on 4/1/2003

GO EASY ON BIG BROTHER Q: When my husband and I realized we were guilty of having created a child-centered home, we began cracking down on our spoiled 5-year-old and began "centering" our...

4-Year-Old Stomps, Complains, Pouts Before She Obeys

Posted on 12/24/2002

DON'T LET BEHAVIORS ESCALATE Q: When I ask my 4-year-old, Lulu, to do something, she will do it, but not before she stomps, complains, talks under her breath, huffs and pouts, or all of the...

5-Year-Old Afraid of the Dark

Posted on 12/17/2002

MASTERING THE 'ACT' OF DISCIPLINE Many, if not most, of today's parents are convinced that nearly every child-rearing circumstance is fraught with apocalyptic psychological ramifications....

Dad Doesn't Wear Much Clothing around 3- and 5-Year-Old

Posted on 12/10/2002

KIDS SEEING TOO MUCH OF THIS DAD Q: We have two children, a 3-year-old girl and a 5-year-old boy. My husband daily goes around the house dressed in nothing more than underwear, if anything....

4-Year-Old is Indulged and Coddled

Posted on 11/26/2002

Q: I don't have children of my own yet, but I'm expecting soon. My lack of parenting experience is central to a discussion between my husband and me concerning what his 4-year-old son from his...

Mom Wants to Have Democratic Parent-Child Relationship, But It Does Not Work

Posted on 11/19/2002

TYRANTS NOT BORN; THEY'RE MADE I recently had a funny exchange with a person in the sales division of the company that manufactured my once-trustworthy laptop. I have to share it with the...

No Need to Tell 4-Year-Old That He Was Conceived Out of Wedlock

Posted on 11/5/2002

Q: When should we tell our son, now 4, that he was conceived out of wedlock, and how should we tell him? A: That today's parents think they must tell their children such things is borne of...

"Jump-Start" Programs are Worthless

Posted on 10/29/2002

MANNERS FIRST, THEN MOUSE PADS Q: What is your opinion of the spate of computer-driven academic "jump start" programs for children as young as 3, if not younger? All of the mothers in my...

4-Year-Old Will Not Swallow Food

Posted on 10/15/2002

LOTS OF KIDS HAVE CERTAIN ODDITIES Q: Our 4-year-old daughter at some point during a meal will decide that she can't swallow her food. When I tell her that she cannot spit it out, she will defy...

Potty Training

Posted on 9/10/2002

DON'T BE BRAINWASHED ABOUT POTTY TRAINING As most folks know, PC stands for politically correct, but the P could just as well stand for psychologically or pediatrically. In any case, what is...

5-Year-Old Mealtime Manners

Posted on 8/6/2002

DISCIPLINE MUST WORK IN LONG TERM Once upon a time, I thought discipline was all about punishment. This wrong-headedness had a lot to do with my graduate training in psychology, especially the...

4-Year-Old's Reaction to Death of Grandfather

Posted on 5/14/2002

KIDS CAN'T CONCEIVE OF DEATH UNTIL 5 OR 6 Q: I lost my father about 3 months ago, a very sudden and unexpected death. I am devastated, as he and I were very close, and he was my last surviving...

Sippy Cups

Posted on 3/19/2002

DISPUTE OVER SIPPY CUPS POINTS TO LAZY PARENTING The front page of The Wall Street Journal on Feb. 12 blared the shocking news: The sippy cup - the spill-free cup used by most American...

3- and 4-Year-Old Refuse to Leave Preschool Class with Mom

Posted on 2/19/2002

SURPRISE CONSEQUENCES CAN CURE CHILDREN'S MISBEHAVIOR A mom recently asked me for advice concerning a discipline problem that had had a small beginning, but was getting completely out of hand....

Toilet Training and Bedtime Issues

Posted on 11/20/2001

PARENTS ARE GOING BACK TO THE BASICS An analysis of the 3,000-plus questions submitted to date to my Web site suggests the two biggest problems besetting American parents concern the toilet and...

8- and 10-Year-Old Like to Discipline 4-Year-Old

Posted on 10/23/2001

AUTHORITY ISSUES? TRY ACTION, NOT 'YADA YADA' Q. We have three children, ages 10, 8 and 4. The problem is with the older two, who obviously feel they are qualified to discipline their little...

4-Year-Old Bedtime Issue

Posted on 10/16/2001

DON'T FORCE SICK CHILD INTO YOUR BED Q. We have an unusual problem: Our 4-year-old daughter refuses to sleep in our bed. Under normal circumstances, this is fine. We are not "family bed"...

Mom Worried about 4-Year-Old Preschool Anxiety

Posted on 10/9/2001

DON'T FEED CHILD'S PRESCHOOL ANXIETY Q: For purposes of convenience, I recently changed my 4-year-old son's preschool program. The new program is as highly rated and well staffed as the...

Midde Child Syndrome Has Easy Cure

Posted on 9/18/2001

GIVE THAT MIDDLE CHILD A TICKET FOR EACH ACTING-UP INCIDENT Q. Do you believe in "middle child syndrome" and if so what are some ways to avoid it? My husband and I have three boys - 6, 3, and...

Husband Slanders Ex-Wife When 5- and 8-Year-Old Come To Visit

Posted on 8/21/2001

JUST LET EX-SPOUSE'S SLANDER SLIDE AWAY Q. My two children, ages 8 and 5, visit my ex-husband every other weekend. Invariably, they come home with tales of nasty things he has said and lies he...

Children Want Foods They Love? They've Got to Eat Their Veggies

Posted on 7/17/2001

<b>Q. How, pray tell, does one persuade a 5-year-old to eat vegetables? We have tried every approach with our daughter, but nothing has worked. Help! A: </b>No doubt you've told your daughter...

5-Year-Old Bedtime Fears

Posted on 5/29/2001

AS USUAL, COMMON SENSE TRIUMPHS OVER PSYCHOLOGY One of contemporary parenting's stumbling blocks is the tendency to "think psychologically" about child-rearing difficulties. Doing so often...

Mom-Care is Generally Better Than Daycare

Posted on 5/22/2001

CLOSED MINDS SHUT OUT VITAL RESEARCH ON DAY CARE We live in the postmodern age, which is characterized by a rampant anti-intellectualism. It matters not, for example, that objective evidence...

4-Year-Old Sleeping Issue

Posted on 4/10/2001

FORCING CHILD TO SLEEP ALONE IS PAINFUL, BUT YOU MUST DO IT Q. My 4-year-old daughter cannot go to sleep unless I lie down with her, and she has rarely slept through the night in her own bed;...

5- and 9-Year-Old Behavior Problems

Posted on 3/13/2001

'INCORRECT' DISCIPLINE GETS RESULTS, CAUSES NO DAMAGE This week, I offer two true stories that illustrate the compelling nature of "psychologically incorrect discipline" (PID) - any corrective...

Pacifiers

Posted on 3/6/2001

A LITTLE COMMON SENSE YOU CAN FILE FOR LATER Good Ideas File: Responding to my recent article on pacifiers, a mother writes, "I have three children, ages 5, 7, and 9. When it came time for one...

4-Year-Old Agressive and Disrespectful

Posted on 3/6/2001

Happy Ending File: A good buddy pediatrician tells me he recently saw a 4-year-old who had suddenly become aggressive, disrespectful, and emotionally explosive after several major transitions,...

4-Year-Old Waking Up During the Night

Posted on 2/20/2001

LET 4-YEAR-OLD HAVE MOTIVE TO GET PAST IRRATIONAL FEARS Our normally very easy going 4-year-old daughter has started waking us up several times a night, wanting us to lie down with her so she...

Child Older Than 18 Months Should Not Be Allowed to Suck on Pacifier

Posted on 2/6/2001

PARENTS, IT'S TIME TO GROW UP AND PASS ON THE PACIFIER Please bear with me while I rant and rave: What is this business of allowing children older than 6 months to walk/ride/be carried around...

5-Year-Old Has Friend Who Is Bad Influence

Posted on 11/14/2000

SON'S LITTLE FRIEND MAY NOT BE ONLY MISCHIEF-MAKER Q. My 5-year-old son has a little friend who seems to have a bad influence on him and I don't know what to do about it. For example, I...

5-Year-Old Son Pretends He Is Pregnant

Posted on 10/31/2000

DON'T WORRY IF 5-YEAR-OLD PRETENDS HE'S PREGNANT Q. My 5-year-old son has a fascination with pregnancy. He has often put pillows in his clothing in order to appear pregnant. Last night, I...

Developmental Milestones for Social Behaviors

Posted on 10/17/2000

SOCIAL SKILLS HAVE THEIR MILESTONE AGES, TOO Almost everyone is familiar with the concept of milestones as they relate to a child's developmental "health." For example, the average age of...

Mom is Playmate to 4- and 6-Year-Old

Posted on 10/10/2000

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE, NOR SHOULD YOU BE, KIDS' PLAYMATE Q. I recently heard you speak in Wisconsin and realized that I have not made the transition from servantship to leadership with my two...

3-Year-Old Being Aggressive with 5-Year-Old

Posted on 8/22/2000

POLITELY 'SUSPEND' PLAYTIME WITH A CHILD WHO KICKS, BITES Q. Our 5-year-old daughter and our next-door neighbor's 3-year-old daughter play together a good amount. The problem is that their...

4-Year-Old Wants Mom to Quit Working - Part 2

Posted on 7/25/2000

I REPEAT, 4 IS TOO YOUNG TO RULE ROOST In last week's column, I responded to a mother who works outside of her home simply because that is her desire. Her 4-year-old, who is in a decent...

4-Year-Old Wants Mom to Quit Working - Part 1

Posted on 7/18/2000

WHAT DO YOU TELL A CHILD WHO BEGS YOU TO QUIT YOUR JOB? Q. Of the 40 mothers represented in my 4-year-old son's pre-K program, I am one of only three who work outside the home. I do so not for...

Day Care Issues

Posted on 7/11/2000

SCHLESSINGER TAKES OVERLY HARSH STAND ON DAY CARE It was, I suppose, inevitable that people, journalists included, would ask me what I think about the position on children and day care that...

Experts Recommend Young Children Not Be Allowed on Computers

Posted on 6/27/2000

PEN, PAPER BETTER THAN COMPUTER AS LEARNING TOOL A growing number of experts are recommending that young children not be allowed on computers for any reason at all. These people are not...

4-Year-Old Hitting Others

Posted on 6/13/2000

4-YEAR-OLD WHO HITS OTHER KIDS NEEDS IMPULSE SENT TO HIS ROOM Here's an interesting tale: A 4-year-old - I'll call him Bluto - has a habit of hitting other children in his preschool program....

3- and 5-Year-Old Can Entertain Themselves

Posted on 2/1/2000

STAND UP FOR YOURSELF: LET KIDS ENTERTAIN THEMSELVES Q. I have two sons, 3 and 5, with whom I'm at home during the day. How much time should I spend one-on-one, sitting down with them, and...

Optimal Time for Toilet Training lies between 18 and 30 Months

Posted on 1/18/2000

TOILET-TRAINING MAY HAVE A WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY, OPEN AT 18 MONTHS I have addressed the issue of toilet training in previous columns and books. My advice has been to time the initiation of...

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