John's Articles
Fixing Our 'Parent-View'
Posted on 9/28/2021
Most of the problems today’s parents are experiencing in the course of raising children are due to a faulty “parent-view.” Just as one’s worldview consists of attitudes, values, and expectations...
Read MorePutting Child First Can Ruin Marriage
Posted on 8/8/2018
Q: I am stepfather to my wife’s only child, age 8, from her first marriage. My wife always and in every way puts her son before our marriage. We went through counseling several years ago and...
Read MoreStepfamily or Just "Family"?
Posted on 11/7/2017
A journalist called me the other day wanting me to make some pithy, erudite comments on the subject of the so-called "stepfamily." I am eminently qualified, I propose, to remark on the subject...
Read MoreStepparents Should Have Authority over Teens, Too
Posted on 8/24/2016
Q: In a recent column, you advise that stepparents have complete disciplinary authority over all children who live in or visit the home, but do you feel the same policy should apply when the...
Read MoreStepfathers Must Have Complete Disciplinary Discretion
Posted on 8/2/2016
Q: The woman I’ve been dating—a single mom with two young boys—and I have decided to get married. My only reservation, and I’ve told her this, concerns the stepfather thing. I’m not clear and...
Read MoreDon't Let Ex's Parenting Shortfalls Influence Your Parenting
Posted on 4/19/2016
Q: We are a struggling blended family. My husband has three children (ages 7, 12, 17) from a previous marriage. Their mother's home is focused on the easiest way of parenting. She allows...
Read MoreStep-Family Issues: Parent From the Marriage
Posted on 11/15/2011
How to 'parent from the marriage' Q: Several years ago, I married a widower who never disciplined his children. They are now 9, 14 and 16 and he still has a very difficult time denying them...
Read MoreStepfamily or Just "Family"
Posted on 6/20/2011
A journalist called me the other day wanting me to make some pithy, erudite comments on the subject of the so-called "stepfamily." I am eminently qualified, I propose, to remark on the subject...
Read MoreStep-Family Recommendations
Posted on 6/7/2011
A stepfamily by any other name is a family A journalist called me the other day wanting me to comment on the subject of the "stepfamily." I was raised in one, although it was not called a...
Read MoreSon From a Previous Marriage
Posted on 10/26/2010
Who should tell son of half-brother? Q: My ex-husband and I aren't friendly. Ours was his second marriage. His first marriage produced a child, but when he and his first wife divorced, he...
Read More10-Year-Old Girl in Step-Family with Very Lenient Mom
Posted on 10/19/2010
Ultra-lenient mom Q: Our 10-year-old daughter goes back and forth between our house and her mom's. Our homes are run very differently. Bio-Mom gives her everything she wants (TV and DVD in her...
Read MoreEx-Wife Giving Lavish Gifts to 7-Year-Old Daughter
Posted on 1/12/2010
Stop lavish gifts from ex Q. Both my husband and I have 7-year-olds from previous marriages. My husband's ex-wife routinely sends her daughter home from visits with new presents. The last few...
Read MoreA Family is a Family
Posted on 3/20/2007
FORGET ADJECTIVES; ANY CHILD IS A CHILD, ANY FAMILY IS A FAMILY Parents frequently ask if I have written books on adjective-children (e.g. adopted children) or adjective-families (e.g. blended...
Read MoreTeen Wants to Live with Dad
Posted on 10/10/2006
TEENAGER WANTS TO GO LIVE WITH DAD Q: I have joint custody of my son who has threatened that when he turns 14 he is going to go live with his father, who's been encouraging this. My husband and...
Read More4-Year-Old is Indulged and Coddled
Posted on 11/26/2002
Q: I don't have children of my own yet, but I'm expecting soon. My lack of parenting experience is central to a discussion between my husband and me concerning what his 4-year-old son from his...
Read More8- and 10-Year-Old are Disrespectful to Dad and Step-Mom
Posted on 8/27/2002
VISITATIONS SHOULD END AT ONCE IF SONS DISOBEY Q: I am black and my husband is white. We have weekend visits with his sons, 10 and 8. The weekends are tortuous because in our home the children...
Read MoreMost Effective Discipline Comes From a Functional Marriage
Posted on 8/21/2001
It takes 2 to discipline Q. My second husband reads me your column every week. It's infuriating! He says I don't discipline my two children, which isn't true, and that I won't let him...
Read MoreSingle Mom of 4- and 7-Year-Old Considering Moving Away from Ex-Husband
Posted on 4/29/1997
IT MAY BE OK TO LET PARENT'S BEST INTEREST SWAY DECISION Q. I am a single mother with two children, ages 7 and 4. At present, we live in the same community as my ex-husband. The problem is,...
Read MoreHurdles of a Step-Family
Posted on 4/15/1997
STEP FAMILY SHOULD FOCUS ON MARRIAGE, AUTHORITY 1. I am a single mother with a 9-year-old son. Robbie's father sees him on a regular basis, and they have a good relationship. I've recently...
Read MoreStepparents Should Assume Full Authority Over Stepchildren
Posted on 12/5/1996
GIVE STEPPARENT AUTHORITY WITH KIDS Q. I have two children, ages 8 and 4, from my first marriage and am about to remarry. I recently read an article in which a psychologist who's written a book...
Read MoreIrresponsible for Unmarried Adults to Live Together When Children are Involved
Posted on 9/19/1996
HAVE KIDS? LIVING WITH BOYFRIEND IS NOT A GOOD IDEA Q. My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other steadily for two years and plan to marry as soon as our financial situation improves....
Read More9-Year-Old Does Not Obey Step-Mom
Posted on 1/29/1993
MAN'S STEPDAUGHTER OBEYS HER MOM BETTER: WHY? Q. My 9-year-old stepdaughter, who lives primarily with us, does not obey me as well as she does her mother. How would you suggest I deal with...
Read MoreEx Criticizes Spouse to 8- and 10-Year-Old Children
Posted on 11/27/1992
THERE'S A WAY TO DEAL WITH EX-HUSBAND (CALMLY) ABOUT TALES HE TELLS THE KIDS Q. My ex-husband sees our two children, ages 10 and 8, every other weekend. Ever since our bitter divorce, he has...
Read MoreDifferent Expectations at Homes of Divorced Couple
Posted on 11/20/1992
CHILDREN WHO LIVE IN MORE THAN ONE HOUSEHOLD CAN ADAPT JUST FINE Q. My husband's two young children live with us every other weekend, during certain holidays and for a month in the summer....
Read MoreMom of 7- and 9-Year-Old is Angry Toward Ex
Posted on 9/6/1991
EX-WIFE TRIES TO MANIPULATE KIDS, DAD SAYS Q. I am a divorced father of two boys, ages 9 and 7. They look forward to our every-other-weekend visits. Their mother has remarried, and their new...
Read MoreRebellious 13-Year-Old Wants to Go Live with Dad
Posted on 12/7/1986
DIVORCE INFLUENCES TWEEN' YEARS Q. I have two children by my previous marriage - an almost 13-year-old boy and a 7-year-old girl. I am remarried, but have no children, nor plans for any,...
Read More2 Important Considerations with Step-Families
Posted on 4/6/1986
THE MARRIAGE MUST BE PRIMARY IN STEPFAMILY SITUATION Q. I am a single mother with a 9-year-old son. My ex-husband and I divorced when Robbie was 3. Robbie's father sees him on a regular...
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