"Give your children regular doses of Vitamin "N," as in "No." "

10 Year Old Testing Boundaries

Question

I have been using the alpha speech. I make mistakes sometimes, escalating my voice because I'm frustrated. On the most part I'm pretty consistent.

I noticed in alpha speech you do no use "please." My 10 year old mimics everything I do with her younger siblings. If she "feels" I was stern with her, she then turns and demands (very unkindly) certain things from her siblings.

Also, she doesn't ask please to me. She just uses the same alpha voice to me. It's sly. Sometimes it's asking me to get her something that will put me out, but only a little. And sometimes if it is putting me out a little too much, she'll say "please."

When it's too much, I say no, she can do it herself. Oftentimes, she won't help her siblings (and if I ask her to later that day to so something for one -- simple mind you like pick up a toy or pass a piece of food at the table-- she will but really mean). It's her way to retaliate for me not doing her bidding earlier.

I know she is testing boundaries. She's starting puberty. What is the proper response? Do I worry that I'm not modeling please? Should I be?

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