John's Articles
6-Year-Old Tantrums
Posted on 2/15/1996
WHY IS OUR 6-YEAR-OLD PITCHING TANTRUMS? Q. Our 6-year-old son, Waldo, has recently started throwing tantrums when he doesn't get his way. By tantrums, we mean he yells at us, stomps his feet,...
Read MoreBecause I Said So 7
Posted on 2/8/1996
THE OLD BECAUSE I SAID SO': BACKWARD OR MERELY HONEST? Q. I am in the midst of reading your latest book, "A Family of Value,'' which is the first of yours I've ever read, and I'm appalled at...
Read More13-Year-Old Strong-Willed Teenager
Posted on 1/4/1996
ENLIST DAD TO DISCIPLINE SASSY TEEN-AGE SON Q. My 13-year-old son is giving me fits. Daniel ignores me, sasses me, refuses to do what he is told and refuses to cooperate in any punishment I...
Read MoreHow to Handle Children's Outbursts of "I Hate You!"
Posted on 12/28/1995
HOW TO HANDLE I HATE YOU!' OUTBURSTS I was looking through my library of columns recently and came across one from The Observer, When kids say I hate you!' they don't really mean it.'' (For you...
Read More5-Year-Old Wild Temper Tantrums
Posted on 12/21/1995
TIMEOUT IS NOT A CURE-ALL WHEN IT COMES TO DISCIPLINE A psychologist recently wrote a letter to the Savannah News-Press in which he argued that sending a child to his room for an entire day, as...
Read More5-Year-Old Temper Tantrums
Posted on 7/28/1995
CONFINEMENT AND CONSEQUENCES CALM A WILD CHILD Q. We have three children, ages 7, 5, and nearly 2. The 5-year-old, our only boy, has always thrown wild temper tantrums whenever we don't let...
Read More3-Year-Old Hits Parents
Posted on 6/23/1995
YES, YOU CAN TEACH CHILD NOT TO HIT Q. When our 3-year-old daughter gets mad at us, she sometimes tries to hit us. We're concerned because we read an article that said children who hit their...
Read MoreHow to Handle Child's Outbursts of Frustration
Posted on 12/16/1994
KIDS WILL BE KIDS, AND PARENTS MUST BE PARENTS Adults take children and the childish things they do entirely too seriously. Take, for example, the child who - because he doesn't get his way -...
Read MoreDiscipline and Punishment are not the Same
Posted on 10/14/1994
IF YOU START EARLY, DISCIPLINE CAN BE EASY I was talking to high school seniors in Carroll, Iowa, the other day when a young woman raised her hand and asked if I felt teens should be punished...
Read More6-Year-Old Doesn't Follow Parent's Instructions
Posted on 7/1/1994
END POWER STRUGGLES - QUIT HOVERING "I have to literally stand over my 6-year-old to get him to do anything,'' said a mother, obviously at wit's end. "How so?'' I asked. "Oh, I ask him...
Read More6-Year-Old Tells Mom "I Hate You!"
Posted on 5/13/1994
WHEN KIDS SAY, I HATE YOU!' THEY DON'T REALLY MEAN IT Q. When my 6-year-old gets angry with me, he often says he hates me. This usually happens when I speak to him in a firm tone of voice or...
Read MoreLower the Boom on Persisent Discipline Issues
Posted on 4/29/1994
IF YOU REALLY MEAN BUSINESS, YOU'VE GOT TO LOWER THE BOOM Sometimes, a child's misbehavior can be effectively dealt with by using time-out, or taking away privileges for short periods of time,...
Read MoreParents Don't Agree on How to Handle Discipline of 3- and 6-Year-Old
Posted on 4/8/1994
PARENTS WHO DISAGREE ON ISSUES SHOULD AGREE ON HOW TO ARGUE Q. My husband and I don't always agree on how to handle situations that come up with our two children, ages 6 and 3. I'm concerned...
Read MoreConfusion Rules When Children Rule
Posted on 2/25/1994
PARENTS CAN'T WIN WHEN THEY PLAY LET'S MAKE A DEAL If I were allowed but three words to say to America's parents, they would be, "STOP ACTING CONFUSED!'' When our children, now 25 and 21,...
Read More11-Year-Old is Angry and Resentful Toward Mom
Posted on 2/4/1994
DAUGHTER IS JUST PLAIN DISRESPECTFUL Q. My 11-year-old daughter has recently started expressing a lot of anger and bottled-up resentment toward me. Just this morning, for example, I remarked...
Read More9-Year-Old Draws Parents into Conflict with Him
Posted on 12/24/1993
GIVE YOUR CHILD LAST WORD'; CONSEQUENCES WILL CHANGE HIS WAYS Q. Our 9-year-old son has a way of drawing us into conflict with him, and it's driving us close to crazy. The "game'' generally...
Read MoreLet Child Have the Last Word - Part 3 (Teen)
Posted on 11/12/1993
THOUGH STILL RUDE, TEEN DOES AS SHE IS TOLD My last two columns, both extolling the advantages of letting children have "the last word,'' have struck a familiar chord among some readers....
Read MoreLet Child Have the Last Word - Part 2 (15-Year-Old)
Posted on 11/5/1993
WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THAT KIDS COMPLY; GOOD ATTITUDE' ISN'T NECESSARY In last week's column, I said that when a child doesn't like a parental decision, the parent should let the child have the...
Read MoreLet Child Have the Last Word - Part 1 (12-Year-Old)
Posted on 10/29/1993
GO AHEAD, GIVE YOUR CHILD THE LAST WORD There was a look of desperation, I thought, a look of last resort, in this prematurely gray mother's eyes. "What can I do,'' she asked pleadingly, "with...
Read More5-Year-Old Refuses to go to Timeout
Posted on 10/8/1993
YOU SAY TIMEOUT DOESN'T WORK? TIE IT IN WITH PRIVILEGES, AND IT WILL Q. My 5-year-old simply refuses to go into timeout after she's misbehaved. We've actually gotten into physical struggles in...
Read MoreQuestions About Sending Children to Their Rooms for Extended Periods of Time
Posted on 6/18/1993
TIME-OUT IN ROOM TEACHES CHILD FREEDOM-RESPONSIBILITY LINK Q. In the last few months, you've written two columns in which you recommended sending children to their rooms for extended periods...
Read MoreDon't Just Wait Until Father Gets Home; Make Kid Obey Mom, Too
Posted on 6/4/1993
Q. Our 11-year-old will not obey his mother. In addition, he refuses to accept time-out (in a dining room chair) from her and becomes physical if she tries to make him go. There's not a weekday...
Read More9-Year-Old Complains of Favoritism
Posted on 5/21/1993
FAVORITISM'S A FAVORITE COMPLAINT Q. The oldest of my two children, ages 9 and 3, was born out of wedlock. His skin is considerably darker than that of his sister, and he's recently...
Read MoreDisobedient Child Keeps Coming out of his Room
Posted on 4/16/1993
THIS PUNISHMENT WORKS JUST FINE Q. I read a recent article of yours in which you recommended sending a persistently disobedient child to his room for the remainder of the day and putting him...
Read More6-Year-Old Does Not Respond to Ineffective Time-Out Discipline
Posted on 3/26/1993
I'LL SAY IT AGAIN: IT'S TIME TO CALL TIME-OUT ON INEFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE Q. After reading an article on discipline in a parenting magazine, I began using time-out with my 6-year-old son, who...
Read MoreParents Change Mind About Discipline Decision
Posted on 1/8/1993
PARENTS: DON'T WORRY IF YOU CHANGE YOUR DISCIPLINARY DECISIONS Q. You frequently stress the need for disciplinary consistency. Is it inconsistent for parents to change their minds if they...
Read More4-Year-Old Tantrums in Public Places
Posted on 12/25/1992
HOW TO STOP SHOPPING TANTRUMS Q. Every time - and I do mean every time - I take my 4-year-old son into a store, he quickly finds some reason to create a disturbance or throw a tantrum. I've...
Read More8-Year-Old is Disruptive, Demanding, and Center of Attention
Posted on 8/14/1992
IF ONE OF YOUR KIDS ACTS LIKE A TYRANT, EXAMINE YOUR FAMILY'S PRIORITIES Q. We are two working parents with three children, one of whom, the 8-year- old, is constantly disruptive. He demands...
Read More11-Year-Old Has Issue with Anger
Posted on 7/10/1992
FOCUS ON DISOBEDIENCE, NOT ANGER, IN 11-YEAR-OLD Q. Our 11-year-old son has a problem with anger. This has always been an issue, but the older he gets, the worse it becomes. Within the last...
Read MoreAppropriate Consequences for 12-Year-Old
Posted on 1/17/1992
AUTOMATIC PUNISHMENT FITS EVERY MISBEHAVIOR Q. We're having a problem coming up with appropriate punishments for our 12-year-old son. He's not a big problem, but like all children his age, he...
Read More3-Year-Old Difficult and Uncooperative
Posted on 1/10/1992
UNRULY CHILD? DON'T GIVE IN OR GIVE UP Q. My husband and I have two children: an eager-to-please 8-year-old and a hell-on-wheels 3-year-old. The second child has always been difficult, but...
Read More16-Year-Old Disrespectful Toward Parents
Posted on 11/22/1991
Several weeks ago, in Miami, a woman in the audience asked how she and her husband could make their 16-year-old son stop talking disrespectfully to them. So far, she said, they'd complained,...
Read More6 C's of Parenting the Strong-Willed Child - Part 4
Posted on 11/15/1991
SOLUTIONS FOR STRONG-WILLED CHILD? THE 6 C'S CAN PROVIDE GUIDANCE (This is the final installment in a four-part series on raising the strong-willed child.) The term "strong-willed child"...
Read More6 C's of Parenting the Strong-Willed Child - Part 3
Posted on 11/8/1991
CHILDREN NEED TO LEARN TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE FAMILY (This is the third in a four-part series of columns on parenting the strong-willed child.) The challenge that faces parents of...
Read More6 C's of Parenting the Strong-Willed Child - Part 2
Posted on 11/1/1991
<b>Make Your Expectations Clear to Your Child</b> So, since reading last week's column - the first in this series on the Six C's of parenting the Strong-Willed Child - you have all taken the...
Read More6 C's of Parenting the Strong-Willed Child - Part 1
Posted on 10/25/1991
TAKE STEPS TO CALM YOUR WILLFUL CHILD Parents ask me more questions about the so-called "strong-willed" child than any other topic. Actually, they're not so much questions as urgent calls for...
Read More4th Grader's Refusal to Complete Schoolwork
Posted on 2/10/1991
IF IT'S NOT ASSIGNED, HE WON'T DO IT Q. My son's fourth-grade teacher recently gave the class a cumulative spelling test covering an entire four-week unit. At one point during the test, she...
Read More10-Year-Old Overreacts at School
Posted on 9/30/1990
THIS WAS THE TEACHER'S FAULT, BUT DON'T SAY THAT TO A CHILD Q: We recently had a problem with our 10-year-old son, Elmer, and we don't know how we should handle it. He told a friend at school...
Read More2-Year-Old Friends Fight When Around Each Other
Posted on 9/16/1990
PALS WHOSE KIDS FIGHT: FRIENDSHIP'S SEPARATE Q: We are best friends, writing to you about our two girls, ages 22 months and two years. Both children are easygoing - until they are in the same...
Read MoreParents, Take Center Stage in Rearing Children
Posted on 9/2/1990
Traveling around the country, doing talks and workshops for various parent and professional groups, I am asked a broad range of questions concerning the rearing of children, many of them having to...
Read MoreConsequences for 5- and 7-Year-Old Misbehavior
Posted on 7/8/1990
TRY THIS: COMBINE TIME OUT AND PRIVILEGES LOST Q: When I have to punish one of my children, ages 5 and 7, I either use a 10-minute period of time-out in the bathroom or take away a privilege,...
Read MoreProactive Discipline
Posted on 6/3/1990
PLAN RESPONSE BEFORE PROBLEM HAPPENS I place great emphasis in my workshops on the need for proactive discipline. I refer to it as "striking while the iron is cold." "Unless you strike...
Read More2-Year-Old Modified Time-Out
Posted on 5/27/1990
TIME-OUT IS TOUGH FOR 2-YEAR-OLDS BUT FINDING A STRATEGIC MOMENT CAN BE WORTH THE WAIT Q: A few weeks ago, you wrote a column in which you described how time-out could be modified for use...
Read More2-Year-Old Misbehaving
Posted on 4/15/1990
START SLOWLY WHEN USING TIME-OUT AS DISCIPLINE Q: I am the besieged parent of a 2-year-old. Our pediatrician has recommended that when our daughter misbehaves, we make her sit in a chair for...
Read More7-Year-Old Ignores, Complains, and Argues with Parents
Posted on 10/1/1989
PARENTS, PLAN YOUR DISCIPLINE STRATEGY Q. We read with interest your column of last week on the differences between managerial and punitive discipline. We want to know how we can use a...
Read More8-Year-Old Can't Explain His Behavior
Posted on 7/2/1989
CHILDREN USUALLY CAN'T EXPLAIN THEIR BEHAVIOR It always strikes me as funny the credibility big people lend to the things children say about themselves, particularly the things they come up...
Read More14-Year-Old Rude, Disrespectful and Obnoxious
Posted on 9/11/1988
HOW TO HANDLE RUDENESS IN A TROUBLED 14-YEAR-OLD Q. We are worried about our 14-year-old daughter. She's become extremely rude and disrespectful, and the more of an audience she has, the...
Read More5-Year-Old Tells Mom "I hate you!"
Posted on 9/4/1988
HANDLE HATE' FIRMLY BUT WITHOUT FURY Q: Whenever I make my 5-year-old angry, she tells me she hates me. This happens when I make her do something she doesn't want to do or refuse to give her...
Read MoreMost Effective Time for Dealing with Misbehavior is Before it Occurs
Posted on 4/5/1987
IN CHILD REARING, STRIKE WHILE IRON IS COLD Most of us have heard the saying: "Strike while the iron is hot." It means you should seize opportunity when it's first presented. It's another way...
Read More2-Year-Old is Determined to Have His Way
Posted on 2/8/1987
DISCIPLINING TODDLER PRESENTS PROBLEMS, BUT CAN BE DONE Q. Our 2-year-old is determined to have his way all the time. If we tell him to do something, he gives us this defiant glare and...
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