John's Articles
3-Year-Old Cries When Disciplined
Posted on 3/11/2003
HELP SON LEARN TO CONTROL TANTRUMS Q: Our 3-year-old cries whenever we reprimand or discipline him. Whether we spank (occasionally), firmly redirect, or simply say, "No, you may not," he begins...
Read MoreChidren Will Change When Their Behavior Causes Them to Become Upset (Babysitting Story)
Posted on 2/25/2003
SOMETIMES A 'SHRUG' GETS RESULTS Every so often, I run across a story that qualifies for inclusion in my growing "Parenting at its Best" collection. These "bests" almost always involve...
Read MoreDivorced Parents of 8-Year-Old Should "Tag Team" Discipline
Posted on 2/18/2003
TAG-TEAM DISCIPLINE WORKS - IF IT'S WELL-COORDINATED Q: My husband's 8-year-old son lives with his mother. We see him every other weekend and for two weeks in the summer. He has major problems...
Read More4-Year-Old Stomps, Complains, Pouts Before She Obeys
Posted on 12/24/2002
DON'T LET BEHAVIORS ESCALATE Q: When I ask my 4-year-old, Lulu, to do something, she will do it, but not before she stomps, complains, talks under her breath, huffs and pouts, or all of the...
Read More32-Month-Old is Defiant and Disrespectful at Preschool
Posted on 12/24/2002
Q: I am the mother of two boys: 6 months and 32 months. The difficulty is with the latter. This well-mannered, easy-going, very loving child is having trouble at Mother's Morning Out. This is...
Read More8- and 10-Year-Old are Disrespectful to Dad and Step-Mom
Posted on 8/27/2002
VISITATIONS SHOULD END AT ONCE IF SONS DISOBEY Q: I am black and my husband is white. We have weekend visits with his sons, 10 and 8. The weekends are tortuous because in our home the children...
Read More7-Year-Old's Misbehavior Frustrates Family
Posted on 8/20/2002
HERE'S TICKET TO BETTER BEHAVIOR Q: My husband and I are raising a 10-year-old grandson and a 7-year-old granddaughter who was a "crack baby." She is very hyper, oppositional and interrupts...
Read MoreDiscipline: Two Different Stories
Posted on 4/23/2002
KIDS AREN'T WELL-INTENTIONED; THEY REALLY NEED 'STUBBORN LOVE' This is a two-part column involving two stories, each from the mother of a rebellious little girl. Concerning her daughter, the...
Read More3- and 4-Year-Old Refuse to Leave Preschool Class with Mom
Posted on 2/19/2002
SURPRISE CONSEQUENCES CAN CURE CHILDREN'S MISBEHAVIOR A mom recently asked me for advice concerning a discipline problem that had had a small beginning, but was getting completely out of hand....
Read MoreWhen Misbehavior Occurs, Punishment First, Then Talk Later
Posted on 1/15/2002
NAUGHTY CHILD? PUNISH FIRST, ASK QUESTIONS LATER When I misbehaved - and it didn't matter whether the misbehavior occurred at home, school or in the neighborhood - my parents rarely asked me to...
Read MoreMidde Child Syndrome Has Easy Cure
Posted on 9/18/2001
GIVE THAT MIDDLE CHILD A TICKET FOR EACH ACTING-UP INCIDENT Q. Do you believe in "middle child syndrome" and if so what are some ways to avoid it? My husband and I have three boys - 6, 3, and...
Read More7-Year-Old Hides Food in his Room
Posted on 9/11/2001
LET SON WHO SWIPES FOOD LEARN HOW TO COOK IT Q. Our 7-year-old son has been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder and oppositional defiant disorder (ADD/ODD). The problem is that he takes...
Read More7-Year-Old is Like a Compulsive Gambler
Posted on 8/14/2001
IF KIDS GET AWAY WITH IT, THEY TAKE A GAMBLE AGAIN How are an undisciplined child and a compulsive gambler alike? They both believe, despite objective evidence to the contrary, that they...
Read MoreLower the Boom on Misbehavior
Posted on 4/24/2001
'THE BOOM' NIPS MISBEHAVIOR IN THE BUD I've asked several recent audiences, "Raise your hand if you think the punishment should fit the crime." Every time, nearly all hands go up. There...
Read MoreMom Controls 8-Year-Old, Dad Rewards Her
Posted on 4/3/2001
DAD'S 'PRIZES' WILL BACKFIRE - BUT SO WILL MOM'S CONTROL GAME Q. My husband occasionally gives our very stubborn and manipulative 8-year-old daughter "prizes" for doing what she is told. The...
Read More5- and 9-Year-Old Behavior Problems
Posted on 3/13/2001
'INCORRECT' DISCIPLINE GETS RESULTS, CAUSES NO DAMAGE This week, I offer two true stories that illustrate the compelling nature of "psychologically incorrect discipline" (PID) - any corrective...
Read More4-Year-Old Agressive and Disrespectful
Posted on 3/6/2001
Happy Ending File: A good buddy pediatrician tells me he recently saw a 4-year-old who had suddenly become aggressive, disrespectful, and emotionally explosive after several major transitions,...
Read MoreNo Nonsense Approach to Parenting
Posted on 1/2/2001
WARNINGS CALL FORTH DISOBEDIENCE, AND YOU CAN'T LET THAT SLIDE Q. Do you recommend giving children choices when they don't want to do what they are told, as in, "You can either sit in this...
Read More26-Month-Old Diagnosed with ADHD
Posted on 12/5/2000
DON'T MEDICATE A 2-YEAR-OLD FOR NORMAL RASCALITY A friend of mine participates in a national network of pediatricians who share information and advice with one another through the World Wide...
Read More5-Year-Old Has Friend Who Is Bad Influence
Posted on 11/14/2000
SON'S LITTLE FRIEND MAY NOT BE ONLY MISCHIEF-MAKER Q. My 5-year-old son has a little friend who seems to have a bad influence on him and I don't know what to do about it. For example, I...
Read More14-Year-Old Argues and Wants Last Word with Parent
Posted on 9/26/2000
A WILY STRATEGY TO NIP ARGUMENTS IN THE BUD Q. My 14-year-old daughter is driving me nuts! Every single time I refuse to let her do something or give her something she wants, she starts an...
Read MoreLevy a Punishment That Does Not Fit the Crime
Posted on 9/19/2000
KIDS' PUNISHMENT MUST BE STRONG ENOUGH TO MAKE AN IMPACT Some time ago (the statute of limitations has passed), a good friend told me his 5-year-old, in complete disregard of the rules, rode...
Read MorePsycobabble Convinced Mom that 7-Year-Old is Depressed
Posted on 5/30/2000
PSYCHOBABBLE CAN OBSCURE THE NECESSITY OF DISCIPLINE Today's parents have been brainwashed by psychobabble dispensed in well-intentioned ways by parenting "experts." As a consequence, they...
Read MoreParenting Short Stories
Posted on 3/28/2000
ADD OR BAD? BOY'S BEHAVIOR COULD BE BOTH Here's a collection of "parenting shorts:" First, an absolutely true story from my "A Rose, By Any Other Name ... " file, told to me by the mother...
Read MoreAppropriate Punishment for 13-Month-Old
Posted on 2/29/2000
Q. What is the best approach to handling unwanted behavior from my 13-month-old? For example, one thing she likes to do is shake the dining room chairs. She pulled one over on her once, but...
Read MoreDiscipline is Best When Strict
Posted on 2/8/2000
WITHOUT CHILL FROM PUNISHMENT, STRICTEST WORDS ARE JUST HOT AIR I receive a fair number of letters and e-mails from people who are writing to affirm my belief that discipline is best when...
Read More9-Year-Old's Friends are Rude and Bad-Mannered
Posted on 1/4/2000
DON'T LET CHILD GET AWAY WITH RUDENESS Q. How should I deal with my children's friends, who are often rude and ill-mannered to my children, husband, and myself? Recently, for example, my...
Read More4-Year-Old Smart Comments, Glaring Looks, and Deliberate Disobedience
Posted on 12/7/1999
OBNOXIOUS BEHAVIOR GETS HIM A TICKET Q. Our son, who turns 4 soon, has been going through a personality change. His once-sunny disposition has turned sour, and I don't know how to turn it back...
Read More4-Year-Old Agressive Toward 30-Month-Old Sibling
Posted on 11/16/1999
4-YEAR-OLD MUST PAY FOR HITTING BROTHER Q. My 4 year-old is very aggressive, sometimes even violent, toward his younger brother, age 30 months. I don't think he's completely to blame for their...
Read More11-Year-Old Disobeys Mom Concerning Movie
Posted on 9/21/1999
MORAL OF THIS STORY: STAND FIRM, PARENTS The following is "Parenting at its Best" - a true tale of parenting courage under fire. Kate and Will (not their real names) have three children,...
Read MoreDiscipline is the Process of Creating a Disciple, Someone Who Will Follow Your Lead
Posted on 7/13/1999
PARENTS IN COMMAND MAY NOT NEED TO PUNISH Q. In The New York Times, I recently read, "While research has shown that children turn out best in families in which parental demands are enforced,...
Read More4-Year-Old Misbehaves in Public Places
Posted on 5/11/1999
GIVE TICKETS TO PUT AN END TO ACTING UP Q. Almost every time we take our 4-year-old into a store, he begins misbehaving. How do you discipline a child when the eyes of the world are upon you?...
Read MoreMom Keeps Telling Children Same Things Over and Over Again
Posted on 1/12/1999
PUNISHMENT SHOULD STOP THE CRIME, NOT JUST FIT IT "I keep having to tell my children the same things over and over again,'' said the mother of three. "Things like hang up your coat' and don't...
Read MoreKids No Longer Take Responsbility for Misbehavior
Posted on 9/8/1998
WE'VE TRAINED A GENERATION NOT TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY One of the mantras oft recited by the psychologists of my generation is "criticize the behavior, not the child.'' For example, instead of...
Read More3 Step Plan To Get Kids To Do What They Are Told To Do
Posted on 8/11/1998
3-STEP PLAN WILL GET KIDS TO DO WHAT THEY'RE TOLD "How can I get my children to do what they're told?'' More people ask me this question than any other. The answer is a relatively simple...
Read MoreBoys Need Discipline, Not Talking
Posted on 5/19/1998
BOYS WILL BE BOYS' ISN'T VERY HELPFUL A "Nice Try, but Close Counts in Horseshoes'' award to Newsweek for its May 11 cover story, "How to Build a Better Boy.'' Staff writers Barbara...
Read MoreMother Rewards 8-Year-Old for Misbehavior
Posted on 5/5/1998
MOTHER IS REWARDING CHILD FOR DISOBEYING A good friend told me the following story. She called it a joke, although I'm not sure everyone would agree. This couple owned a large dog named...
Read MoreForget Timeout: Outrageous Behavior Deserves Outrageous Consequence
Posted on 4/14/1998
TO GET CHILD'S ATTENTION, BE AS OUTRAGEOUS AS CHILD IS The current generation of mental health professionals has given parents the impression that time-out, properly used, will end any...
Read MoreConsequences for 6-Year-Old who is Testing Parent
Posted on 2/3/1998
TO GET CHILD'S ATTENTION, TRY SOME ENFORCEMENT WHEN IT'S LEAST EXPECTED Q. My 6-year-old daughter has started to test me at every possible opportunity. Every time I tell her to do something,...
Read MoreChildren Should Be Accountable For Their Behavior
Posted on 12/16/1997
WHEN CHILD GETS TO AGE 2, PUSH HIM OUT OF PARADISE In Genesis 2 and 3, Adam and Eve - after being told not to do so - eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. When God discovers what...
Read MoreIt is Everyone's Best Interest That a Child be Well-Behaved
Posted on 12/9/1997
TO GET GOOD BEHAVIOR, PARENTS MUST DEMAND IT A month or so ago, I put this question to an audience of some 500 people in Davidson: "How many of you are certain that your children are as...
Read MoreMust be Firm with 32-Month-Old
Posted on 10/28/1997
A LITTLE FIRMNESS GOES A LONG WAY Every so often, a parent is presented with an opportunity to create what I call a "defining moment.'' Such "moments'' set important precedents and resolve...
Read MoreParent Can't Think of Appropriate Consequences When Children Misbehave
Posted on 10/21/1997
NO NEED TO BE QUICK ON YOUR FEET WITH WAY TO DISCIPLINE Q. At a recent talk I attended, you said that when children misbehave, they should learn that misbehavior is not "free'' - it should...
Read MoreMoms Suffer Verbal Abuse and Emotional Harrassment From Children and Still Serve Them
Posted on 6/24/1997
UPPITY CHILDREN STAND IN WAY OF MOTHERS' FINAL LIBERATION Several months ago, during a workshop I was giving somewhere in America, a woman remarked, "I'd have never spoken to my mother the way...
Read MoreKindergartener is Wild at School, but Mild at Home
Posted on 4/8/1997
BILLY'S MILD AT HOME, WILD IN KINDERGARTEN Q. Shortly after our son started kindergarten in the fall, his teacher told us he was overly excitable. He runs, shouts, has difficulty waiting his...
Read More3-Year-Old Gags and Throws Up When Upset
Posted on 3/18/1997
NO WONDER ROLLO RETCHES - IT WORKS Q. I'll bet you've never gotten this question before. Our 3-year-old was premature and had some mild but nonetheless anxiety-provoking developmental...
Read MoreThird Grade Teacher Dealing with Boys Who Have Difficulty With Self-Control
Posted on 3/6/1997
OK, GIVE PRAISE A CHANCE, BUT DON'T GO OVERBOARD Q. I am a third-grade teacher who is dealing with several boys who have difficulty with self-control. Our school psychologist recommended an...
Read More7-Year-Old Is Very Argumentative and Demands an Explanation for Everything
Posted on 7/11/1996
YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF WHETHER CHILD ARGUES OVER DECISIONS Q. My 7-year-old daughter is very argumentative. She wants an explanation for every decision of mine she doesn't like, but no...
Read More8-Year-Old Misses Bus So Mom Makes Him Walk To School
Posted on 3/28/1996
DONE WITH LOVE, DISCIPLINE WORKS A reader in Birmingham, Ala., recently wrote to confirm that good old-fashioned discipline still works. Her incident started when she purchased a shirt for...
Read MoreTelling the Toddler "The Doctor Says" Isn't The Same As Lying
Posted on 3/21/1996
TELLING TODDLER THE DOCTOR SAYS' ISN'T SAME AS LYING Q. In a recent column, you advised communicating rules to older toddlers and 3-year-olds by telling them the rules are from their...
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