John's Articles

Teen's Hormones and Unruly Emotions

Posted on 2/1/2005

DON'T BLAME TEENAGERS' HORMONES FOR THEIR UNRULY EMOTIONS Q: During a recent talk show appearance, a psychologist said that runaway hormone levels often cause the rational part of the...

17-Year-Old Grades and Car Privileges

Posted on 1/11/2005

LINK 17-YEAR-OLD'S CAR PRIVILEGES TO HIS SUCCESS IN SCHOOLWORK Q: Our 17-year-old son - a junior in high school - received two F's on his last report card. Believe me when I say that while...

15-Year-Old Buying Inappropriate Clothing

Posted on 12/21/2004

CONFISCATE DAUGHTER'S LOW-CUT TOPS IT'S OK TO VETO ITEMS SHE BUYS WITH ALLOWANCE Q: Our 15-year-old daughter uses her allowance to buy some of her own clothes. She recently purchased some...

8th Grader Not Doing Well in School

Posted on 8/31/2004

SHOULD GIFTED CHILD GO BACK TO REGULAR SCHOOL? Q: Our daughter is in the eighth grade at a magnet school for gifted and talented students. Over the three years she's been there, her grades have...

16-Year-Old With Many Issues

Posted on 8/10/2004

KEEP STEPSON GROUNDED FOR COMMUNITY'S SAKE Q: Life with my 16-year-old stepson, who lives with my husband and me because his mother is a mess, has been a battle from day one. School has always...

15-Year-Old Has Older Friends

Posted on 7/27/2004

DON'T OVERREACT TO SON'S CHOICE OF FRIENDS THE BOYS ARE OLDER, BUT THEY SOUND LIKE THEY'RE GOOD AND RESPONSIBLE Q: Our 15-year-old son looks at least two years older and is more mature in...

14-Year-Old Has Friend Who is Trouble

Posted on 5/18/2004

PUT BALL IN SON'S COURT Q: Our 14-year-old son has been hanging around a friend who is constantly in trouble. Recently this kid and my son were out using their paintball guns, and the "friend"...

14-Year-Old Make-up Issue

Posted on 1/13/2004

EYELINER OK, BUT KEEP EYE ON IT Q: Our 14-year-old daughter is in her first year of high school. Eyeliner seems very common among her peers, but she is wearing too much of it for our tastes....

13-Year-Old Involved in New Age Religion

Posted on 10/21/2003

WICCAN FLIRTATION ISN'T MISBEHAVIOR Q: My 13-year-old daughter came home from boarding school last weekend and announced at a family dinner that she is a witch and a "wiccan." Then she told us...

15-Year-Old Refuses to Wear Bands on Braces

Posted on 8/5/2003

LIFE GETS SIMPLER WHEN PARENTS ARE STRICT I decided to depart from my usual format and let a reader write this column. Occasionally, I get letters from parents telling me how they've solved...

15-Year-Old Lying and Playing the Victim

Posted on 6/3/2003

SILENT TREATMENT IS TEENAGER'S METHOD OF PLAYING THE VICTIM Q: We grounded our 15-year-old daughter because she watched an R-rated movie with a girlfriend while we were out for the evening. Her...

16-Year-Old Refuses to Wear Glasses to Drive

Posted on 4/29/2003

TAKE DRASTIC ACTION WITH TEEN WHO DRIVES WITHOUT HER GLASSES Q: Our 16-year-old daughter needs to wear glasses in order to legally drive. It clearly says so on her driver's license. We have...

16-Year-Old Should Pay for Tutoring

Posted on 3/18/2003

Q: Our 16-year-old daughter was struggling with algebra, so we got her a tutor. She has a part-time job. Do you think she should pay for all or part of the tutoring? A: The best approach was...

16-Year-Olds are Too Young to Drive

Posted on 12/3/2002

16 TOO YOUNG AN AGE TO DRIVE, PERIOD Here's a thought exercise for you: Let's say that playing video games was the leading cause of death among preschool children. Researchers had found that...

Adopted 16-Year-Old Runaway

Posted on 10/8/2002

GIVE RUNAWAY CHILD SOME ROOM; MAYBE SHE'LL RETURN\ Q: Six months ago, our 16-year-old daughter ran away from home. We adopted Sasha when she was 10, and we know she is somewhere in the South...

19-Year-Old Drinking and Driving

Posted on 8/13/2002

GET TOUGH ON SON'S DRINKING, DRIVING Q: Our son is 19 and home for the summer from college. He goes out with his buddies and drinks and afterwards decides to drive home. We have talked with him...

16-Year-Old with Pornographic Material

Posted on 2/12/2002

SNOOPY MOM ERRED BUT DON'T IGNORE PORNO FIND Q: We recently found pornographic material under our 16-year-old's bed. Last year he battled depression, bad grades and drug use, but this year he's...

10-Year-Old Bullied by 13- and 15-Year-Old

Posted on 1/1/2002

LET THE LAW STEP IN TO HANDLE BULLIES Sometimes, I hear a parenting story that just warms my heart, that just makes me want to jump up and shout "Amen!" Sometimes, having forgotten that I am no...

16-Year-Old Academic Problems

Posted on 12/18/2001

EXPERIENCES OF FAILURE ARE NECESSARY FOR KIDS' GROWTH A mother recently asked for advice on her 16-year-old son's academic problems. He needed nightly help with his homework, she said, and she...

Teenagers and Drug Use

Posted on 12/11/2001

GETTING A TEEN OFF DRUGS TAKES FIRM HAND, NOT HAND WRINGING Over the past few months, quite a number of parents have asked my advice about teen-agers who are smoking pot, using hallucinogens...

16-Year-Old Charges Items on Parents' Account

Posted on 7/31/2001

MAKE BIG SPENDER PAY FOR GENEROSITY Q: During a recent outing at the club we belong to, I discovered that our 16-year-old son was treating five or six of his friends to goodies, charging them...

16-Year-Old Has Messy Room

Posted on 6/12/2001

LAY DOWN LAW TO CLEAN UP TEEN'S ACT Q. Our 16-year-old son's room is a perpetual pigsty. Clothes, CDs, electronic equipment, magazines, and an assortment of various other personal belongings...

12th Grader Doesn't Want to go to College

Posted on 11/28/2000

TRUST AN ABLE 12TH-GRADER TO STEER HIMSELF IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION Q. Our 12th-grade son, an honor student, has recently told us he doesn't want to go to college. Instead, he wants to become a...

14-Year-Old Argues and Wants Last Word with Parent

Posted on 9/26/2000

A WILY STRATEGY TO NIP ARGUMENTS IN THE BUD Q. My 14-year-old daughter is driving me nuts! Every single time I refuse to let her do something or give her something she wants, she starts an...

13-Year-Old Cuts Up Sister's Panties

Posted on 8/15/2000

YOUNG TEEN'S FETISH DOESN'T MEAN HE'LL BE A PERVERT Q. My wife and I recently discovered that our 13-year-old son, on two separate occasions, went into our 10-year-old daughter's room and cut...

13-Year-Old Homework Issue

Posted on 8/1/2000

TEENS WILL RESIST YOUR ATTEMPTS TO 'MICROMANAGE' THEIR LIVES Q. My 13-year-old son waits until the last possible moment to begin doing his homework. He no longer has a set bedtime, but he must...

Don't Micromanage Teenagers

Posted on 7/4/2000

TEEN-AGERS LEARN FROM EXPERIENCE, NOT NAGGING Q. In a talk you recently gave in Ohio, you warned of the pitfalls of trying to micromanage a teen-ager. This is a new concept to me. Can you...

Parent Snooping in Teen's Stuff

Posted on 3/14/2000

Q. Is it OK for me to snoop in my teen-ager's books, notes, book-bag, diary, etc., if I suspect he may be up to something? If I find evidence of wrongdoing, how should I handle it? What if I find...

14-Year-Old with Messy Room

Posted on 3/14/2000

Q. How does one get a teen-ager to keep a clean, neat room? My 14 year-old says it's his room to do with as he wants. Do you agree? A. Not on your life! From early on, my wife and I told our...

13-Year-Old Wants Out of Job Agreement

Posted on 3/7/2000

IF 13-YEAR-OLD WANTS OUT OF JOB AGREEMENT, RELEASE HIM Q. Our 13 year-old son, an only child, is generally well-behaved and does well in school. This past summer, the three of us decided that...

16-Year-Old Obsessed with Girlfriend

Posted on 12/7/1999

Q. Our 16-year-old has a steady girlfriend, and all he wants to do, it seems, is be with her and talk to her on the phone when he's not with her. He's a good kid and makes good grades, but we're...

16-Year-Old May Be Depressed

Posted on 11/30/1999

THIS TEEN-AGER NEEDS HELP, NOT DISCIPLINE Q. Our 16 year-old daughter has always been a moody, uncommunicative child, but in the last couple of years it's gone from bad to worse. She hangs out...

Teens and Hormones

Posted on 4/6/1999

HORMONE LEVELS AREN'T MAKING TEENS RUN AMOK Q. A TV newsmagazine recently ran a segment where an expert claimed that runaway hormone levels during the early teens often cause the rational part...

14-Year-Old Has Older Responsible Friends

Posted on 2/23/1999

SON'S FRIENDS RESPONSIBLE, OLDER? RELAX Q. Our 14-year-old son looks at least two years older and is more mature in many ways than most boys his age. He recently started hanging around with a...

14-Year-Old Always Asking for Money

Posted on 1/19/1999

14-YEAR-OLD NEEDS TO TAKE CONTROL OF HIS OWN MONEY Q. Our 14-year-old son is forever asking us for money. He wants the latest clothes, shoes, CDs. He wants money for movies, video arcades,...

Mom Keeps Telling Children Same Things Over and Over Again

Posted on 1/12/1999

PUNISHMENT SHOULD STOP THE CRIME, NOT JUST FIT IT "I keep having to tell my children the same things over and over again,'' said the mother of three. "Things like hang up your coat' and don't...

14-Year-Old is Disrespectful and Hostile Toward Mom

Posted on 11/10/1998

DON'T LET YOUR HOSTILE SON TURN YOU INTO HIS TARGET Q. I'm a single mother with custody of my 14-year-old son. His father, whom he sees infrequently, has mental problems stemming from battle...

14-Year-Old Hanging Out with Questionable Friends

Posted on 10/27/1998

HOW SON ERIC LEARNED TO PICK BETTER FRIENDS OK, enough already! Since my recent article on the controversy surrounding Judith Harris' book "The Nurture Assumption'' (which proposes that...

Teen Issues: Co-Ed Sleeping Party and Adolescent Health

Posted on 8/18/1998

COED SLEEP' FOR TEENS IS A PARTICULARLY DUMB IDEA Q. What's the dumbest thing you've ever heard concerning teen-agers? A. Actually, there are two dumbest things: The first was a story...

Teens Have No Fear

Posted on 6/23/1998

WHY SHOULD TEENS HAVE FEAR? ADULTS ARE IRRELEVANT While I was driving down the interstate the other day, a car flashed by on my left going at least 20 mph over the speed limit. For an instant,...

School Shootings: Guns are not the Problem

Posted on 6/9/1998

GUNS ARE NOT THE PROBLEM; NEW LACK OF DISCIPLINE IS For reasons obvious to all except those who've been on an extended media fast, the 1997-98 school year may well become known as the "Year of...

Boys Need Discipline, Not Talking

Posted on 5/19/1998

BOYS WILL BE BOYS' ISN'T VERY HELPFUL A "Nice Try, but Close Counts in Horseshoes'' award to Newsweek for its May 11 cover story, "How to Build a Better Boy.'' Staff writers Barbara...

Forget Timeout: Outrageous Behavior Deserves Outrageous Consequence

Posted on 4/14/1998

TO GET CHILD'S ATTENTION, BE AS OUTRAGEOUS AS CHILD IS The current generation of mental health professionals has given parents the impression that time-out, properly used, will end any...

Teenager Getting a New Car

Posted on 1/27/1998

IF TEEN-AGER GETS A CAR, RESPONSIBILITY HAS TO BE KEY Q. Most of the teens in our community, when they get their driver's licenses, are presented with new cars by their parents. As a...

Mom Has Lousy Relationship with 15-Year-Old

Posted on 12/30/1997

AN APOLOGY A WEEK MAY WORK WONDERS Q. My 15-year-old daughter and I have a lousy relationship, and I'm to blame. When she was about 12, I realized she had a mind of her own and wasn't going to...

Teen Doesn't Feel Accepted By Peers

Posted on 9/2/1997

WE SHOULDN'T ALWAYS SHIELD OUR CHILDREN FROM PAIN The depraved excepted, parents do not enjoy making children unhappy. Nevertheless, sometimes it is in a child's best interest that parents -...

Moms Suffer Verbal Abuse and Emotional Harrassment From Children and Still Serve Them

Posted on 6/24/1997

UPPITY CHILDREN STAND IN WAY OF MOTHERS' FINAL LIBERATION Several months ago, during a workshop I was giving somewhere in America, a woman remarked, "I'd have never spoken to my mother the way...

Today's Teens are More Prone to Serious Problems Than in Years Past

Posted on 5/27/1997

TEENS AND PARENTS AREN'T WHAT THEY ONCE WERE Q. Every week it seems, I hear yet another horror story about a teen-ager who's gone "off the deep end.'' In many cases, these are kids whose...

13-Year-Old Wearing Obscene T-Shirt Shows How Far Standards Have Fallen

Posted on 3/25/1997

OBSCENE T-SHIRT SHOWS JUST HOW FAR STANDARDS FOR PARENTS HAVE FALLEN There I was, walking the sidewalks of a fairly prestigious private school somewhere in America, biding time before a talk I...

16-Year-Old Smoking - Part 2

Posted on 11/28/1996

Then there's the matter of a column I wrote several weeks ago in which I advised the parents of a 16-year-old who was smoking with her friends to give thanks for a daughter who was well-behaved,...

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