John's Articles
Common Sense Comes From Heart, Not Head
Posted on 1/28/2020
Q: I’m new to reading you, but it appears that you don’t have much in common with other psychologists. You don’t agree much with their approach to children and parenting. Correct? A: ...
Read MorePunishing Children for Bad Behavior Is Not Bad Parenting
Posted on 1/7/2020
This is the last (for a while, anyway) of three columns in which I take on the absurd notion that punishing children for bad behavior is bad parenting. There is commonsense and there is nonsense...
Read MorePunishment Does Not Cause Mental Health Issues
Posted on 12/31/2019
This is the second in a series on “parent-babble,” as in the same-old, same-old nonsense the mental health industry has been passing off as sound parenting advice since the late 1960s. ...
Read MoreMindful Parenting Is Nothing More Than Postmodern Psychobabble
Posted on 12/24/2019
I am often asked how long I intend to keep this up, as in writing this column, writing books, and speaking on childrearing and family matters. My answer: As long as they keep it up; “it” being the...
Read MoreMr. Rogers Epitomized Adult Who Wants to Be Friend to Children
Posted on 12/17/2019
With the release of “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood,” inquiring minds want to know: What did I think of Mr. Rogers? I never met the man, but in the early days of my...
Read More"The Doctor" Is the Tool Every Parent Needs
Posted on 10/15/2019
I have good news for parents: You do not need more than a few tools in your disciplinary tool-bag. One especially valuable tool, one that belongs in every modern home, is the “Doctor.” The Doctor...
Read MoreReplace Psychological With Old Fashioned Parenting
Posted on 9/24/2019
As my regular readers know, I am a certified heretic in my field: child and family psychology. To the point, I am convinced that psychological parenting theory, which began to inform American...
Read MoreWhat's in a Name?
Posted on 9/17/2019
Q: I want to legally change our daughter’s name. No one pronounces it correctly and I think it’s going to cause her more problems as she gets older. My husband doesn’t want to, however. He says...
Read MoreAlpha Speech: Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say
Posted on 8/6/2019
Q: Some friends of ours who’ve read a couple of your books and attended one of your talks told us that they solved some major discipline problems with their 4-year-old just by using what they...
Read MoreTeach Child to Gain Control of Feelings
Posted on 7/30/2019
As I crisscross the country in public speaker mode, I poll people in various demographic categories. I ask how they were raised, what their parents were like, how their parents disciplined, how...
Read MoreFathers as Important to Parenting as Mothers
Posted on 6/9/2019
I am the father to two grown children, so I know a few things about fatherhood. I know, for instance, that fathers are just as important as mothers to the raising of children. I also know fathers...
Read MoreEmancipation of Adult Children Can Be Messy
Posted on 6/4/2019
When children were raised, reared, or simply brought up, they emancipated “on time.” Upon high school graduation, children went to college, into the military, or became employed. Some, like my...
Read MoreScience Doesn't Have All the Answers When It Comes to Raising Children
Posted on 5/28/2019
Q: I appreciate your traditional, call it old-fashioned approach to child rearing, but I’m a tad confused and hope you can help straighten out my thinking. I’ve been reading your column for maybe...
Read MoreFreedom Lost on the Children of Today
Posted on 4/30/2019
My wife and I spent two days in my hometown of Charleston, South Carolina, recently. As we always do, we walked around my boyhood neighborhood – the South-of-Broad historic district (back then,...
Read MoreChild Raising vs Parenting
Posted on 4/23/2019
There is child raising and there is “parenting.” America replaced the former with the latter in the 1970s and it’s been downhill ever since. My mother – a single parent during...
Read MoreKey to Effective Discipline Is Right Attitude
Posted on 4/9/2019
“We’ve tried everything!” is one of the more common testimonials I hear from parents who’ve just described persistent and highly vexing discipline problems with a child or children. ...
Read MoreOn Attachment Parenting
Posted on 3/19/2019
“So, what do you think of attachment parenting? My inquisitor was a 30-something mom. I sensed she was testing me, trying to determine whether I was worth her time. “Not...
Read MoreYou Can't Win 'Em All
Posted on 3/5/2019
I’ve been writing this column for forty-three years and speaking publicly for nearly as long. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that when it comes to my subject matter, you can’t win ‘em...
Read MoreParenting Should Not Be About Instant Gratification
Posted on 2/24/2019
A friend of mine named Scott shared an absolutely brilliant thought with me when I dropped in on him unannounced at his workplace, a bank, the other day. Everyone thinks all I...
Read MoreA Look at the Biggest Mistakes Parents Make
Posted on 2/18/2019
A journalist recently asked me for the single biggest mistake being made by today’s parents. I was tempted to say, “Having children,” but stopped myself because even if I’d followed up with “Just...
Read MoreSchool Discipline in Steady Decline
Posted on 2/12/2019
I receive a steady stream of missives from teachers, ex-teachers, and other folks who have insider knowledge of America’s schools. They all say the same thing – classroom discipline is falling...
Read MorePublic Education Myths and Facts
Posted on 2/6/2019
As regards nearly every public policy topic these days, myths abound, but few mythologies rival that of public education. A sample: <b>Myth: Smaller classrooms promote better...
Read MoreOut With 'Parenting,' in With Child-Rearing
Posted on 1/29/2019
There is “parenting” and then there is bringing up, rearing, or raising children. The difference is night and day; so are the outcomes, short- and long-term, to all concerned, meaning every single...
Read MoreThe Children-Need-Lots-Of-Attention Myth
Posted on 1/22/2019
One of the more difficult facts for today’s parents, as a rule, to wrap their heads around is the…I’ll say it again, with emphasis…FACT that children do not need (as a general rule) a lot of...
Read MoreLet Your School-Aged Kids Dress Themselves
Posted on 1/9/2019
“So, anyway, after they take showers I lay out their school clothes for the next day. And then….” “Hold on right there,” “How old are your girls again?” “Um,...
Read MoreFeelings: To Express or Not to Express?
Posted on 1/2/2019
Feelings are a wild card. On the one hand, the ability to experience deep emotion is one of the things that defines us as human. On the other, feelings can be and often are destructive to...
Read MoreSeparating Feelings From Facts
Posted on 12/25/2018
Rosemond’s Pithy Philosophical Snippet of the Week: Crazy is believing that feelings – yours and other’s – define and should therefore govern external reality. It is one thing...
Read MoreParenting of the Past Is Better Than Today
Posted on 12/19/2018
A Wisconsin pediatrician wants his newspaper to eject my column, giving as one of his complaints that I hew “to the idea that the world of the 1950s was the be-all and end-all of...
Read MorePublic Schools in Decline Thanks to Discipline Fads
Posted on 11/13/2018
For the record, I believe in the concept of public (aka, taxpayer-funded, government, “free”) schools. I attended public schools and obtained an excellent education that challenged my intellect...
Read MoreGo Ahead and Send Kids Outside
Posted on 11/11/2018
Several years ago, I wrote that my mother's favorite after-school activity for me was "go outside and find something to do." I said it was then, and still is, the most valuable way a child can...
Read MoreThere’s Something Happening Here …
Posted on 11/7/2018
One of my favorite rock songs of all time (“Hello, I’m John, and I’m a rock ‘n’ roll addict”) is “For What It’s Worth,” written by Stephen Stills and originally recorded by Buffalo Springfield. It...
Read MoreFoundation to Parenting Begins With Marriage
Posted on 10/31/2018
In an opinion piece recently featured on FoxNews.com, Jonathan Pokluda explicates his Ten Habits of Extraordinary Parents. Pokluda, a teaching pastor at a mega-church in Texas, and his wife are in...
Read MoreDeterminism Muddies Parental Judgement
Posted on 10/24/2018
As the current school year kicked off, I began hearing the same-old, same-old report from teachers and principals: children who have never lied. At least, that is what the parents of said children...
Read MoreThe Realities of Parenting
Posted on 10/10/2018
PARENTING REALITY, PART ONE: It is all but inevitable that after rattling off a list of provocative, sociopathic stuff his or her child is doing and usually has been doing for quite some time, a...
Read MoreMore Musings Over Morning Coffee
Posted on 10/2/2018
More musings over morning coffee: FROM THE TRUTH VS. “YOUR TRUTH” DEPARTMENT: The former is grounded in verifiable facts; the latter is the deceptive product of emotion. The...
Read MoreA Few Thoughts Over Morning Coffee
Posted on 9/18/2018
A few thoughts over morning coffee… From the Feedback Department: Certain recent columns of mine have drawn a spike in reader responses, both pro and con. My comments on the...
Read MoreThe Problem of Parent-Child Codependency
Posted on 8/22/2018
An early childhood educator of thirty-eight years standing left a message asking if I had advice for encouraging cooperation from parents. She reports what every veteran teacher (defined as having...
Read MoreFriendship Isn't a Vital Aspect of Parenthood
Posted on 8/1/2018
When Baby Boomers get together we often talk about our observations of parenting in these postmodern times, one of which is that today’s parents seem, as a rule, to want to be liked by their...
Read MoreKids Acting Up? Relax, It's Normal
Posted on 7/24/2018
Most of the stuff today's parents worry about - and let's face facts...the worrier in question, the worrier supreme, is almost always the mother (not because of some weakness, but simply because...
Read MoreLet’s Revisit ‘Psychological Thinking’
Posted on 7/17/2018
I call it “psychological thinking,” referring to the tendency among parents of the last fifty years or so to attribute bad behavior on the part of a child to so-called “issues” that are thought to...
Read MoreI Spy Toilet-Training Atrocities
Posted on 7/10/2018
Strolling through my go-to grocery store the other day, I happened down the Baby Products aisle where I spied packages of toilet-training pants featuring pictures of happy children who looked at...
Read MoreAdults, Children Must Maintain Relationship Boundaries
Posted on 6/20/2018
A column of mine that originally appeared in January of 2017 has been circulating on the Internet ever since, accumulating over a million hits to date. In a nutshell, its message is simply that...
Read MoreShould You Ask Your Baby's Permission Before Changing Their Diaper?
Posted on 5/23/2018
Competition amongst the membership of the International Association of the Weird and Even Weirder for the Most Bizarre Idea of All Time has finally, after more than five decades of...
Read MoreChildren's Hearts Rule Their Heads
Posted on 5/16/2018
When I was in college and grad school, other students – mostly the “jock” and fraternity crowds – called me all sorts of names because, being the lead singer in a popular campus rock band, I...
Read MoreWe Have a Child, Teen Mental Health Crisis in U.S.
Posted on 4/11/2018
Do we – here in the USA, that is – or do we not have a child and teen mental health crisis and if the answer is yes, we do, then what should be done about it? Without doubt, the...
Read More'Gentle Parenting' Just a Rebrand of 'Parenting'
Posted on 4/4/2018
Upon arrival on-site for a recent speaking engagement, I am told that several rather vocal parents refused to attend because I am not an advocate of “gentle parenting.” That implies that I...
Read MoreThe Power of Words
Posted on 3/21/2018
When I began reading “The 9 Words Parents Should Never Say to Their Kids” (January 5, 2018, www.fatherly.com), I was skeptical that essayist Patrick Coleman’s point of view would line up with my...
Read MoreYes, I Am "Old-Fashioned"
Posted on 3/6/2018
An individual who occupies a fairly high-level position in the mainstream media recently told one of my associates that I’m “old-fashioned.” She meant it as a slight, but I hardly took it that...
Read MoreChild Talk Therapy Is Largely Unproductive
Posted on 2/13/2018
Q: You seem to be opposed to putting children into any sort of psychological therapy. That’s curious, especially given that you’re a child psychologist. What is your explanation for this and are...
Read MoreIn Gun Debate, Therapy Is No Substitute for Firm Discipline
Posted on 1/31/2018
We’re a month, more or less, into the new year and America has already suffered two school shootings. As usual, the usual voices are calling for increased restrictions on the buying and selling of...
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