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Grandparent Etiquette and More

Question

Hi. I am a single mom with a 6 year old girl. I have both sets of grandparents close and she is very close to both of them. My question is two fold.
I am trying to teach her that when we visit, (and with any adult) she is to say hello, hug, etc to each one when we arrive. She fights me on this and goes to the one she prefers and then ignores the other; I react by reminding her to always say hello to both and she fights me. Any advice?
My other question. My little girl is very animated, opinionated and strong headed, which are attributes I admire at times; but her back talk to me is getting out of control, it usually is accompanied with the attitude of a tween! I remind, reprimand, punish, take away privileges and it doesn't seem to be getting better. Funny enough in front of her grandparents she tends to get worse with the back talk/disrespect, when it's just us she's more mindful. Any thoughts or recommendations? Thank you.

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