"As children grow older, parents must give them greater freedom, including greater freedom to make mistakes. "

Prevailing not Travailing

Question

My 14 year old daughter was mad at me about a consequence I gave her after clearly telling her what the expectations were. She knew what the rules were and broke them so I gave her the consequence I told her would happen. She then texted a friend and said "jokes on the b**ch of a mom I have. I will try to call you without her knowing". My daughter was a very compliant child but when she hit puberty that all changed and she is now defiant, rude and disrespectful to me regularly. I understand that this is somewhat "normal" for a teenager, but her calling me the B word sent me over the edge. In the past I've taken her phone away for months at times but that hasn't seemed to help anything. I felt a more severe consequence was in order this time so I told her I would not be paying for her to play travel basketball.

I am a single mother with an unsupportive ex husband who just wanted to make excuses for her behavior (excuses like she's on her period) and told me to be an adult and get over getting called the B word.

My question is am I being too harsh by taking the one sport that she loves to play away? Is there a more effective consequence I should consider? I should mention that she also suffers from depression and has been hospitalized for talking about suicide. She needs to keep busy so I'm not sure I'm doing the right thing by taking away something that is good for her and gives her confidence; however, she needs to learn some respect and other methods of discipline haven't worked. Any suggestions?

Thank you!

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