"The ultimate goal of raising children is to help them out of our lives and into successful lives of their own. "

Rewards or consequences?

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Hi Ms. Fawcett,

Thank you so much for your prompt reply to my question about my shy daughter. I actually could use a little clarification, since you asked.

If we are out and about running errands, I ask my girls to say hello, thank you, goodbye to sales people, as well as hold doors and otherwise show concern for others. Like I said before, most of the time I need to prompt them. I was once a teacher so I know that children can become very dependent on verbal prompting and I would love to change this. I love your idea of the tickets but I don't want to turn a positive social exchange into something punitive. What are your thoughts? What about rewarding prosocial behavior since they are only 4 and 6?

The other thing is that when they do speak politely, sometimes they are barely audible, and I am once again telling them to speak up. It all just feels so micromanage-y!! It is just super important to me that they show respect towards others, especially those working in service and the elderly.

One positive thing that JUST happened is that my girls were eating lunch with me, their dad and their grandpa who had just stopped by for a visit. My oldest leaned over to my husband to whisper a question she wanted to ask her grandfather. I didn't catch her in time but the next time I told her she needed to speak up, she didn't have to whisper, and she actually DID it, no problem.

As her confidence has grown since we started following Mr. Rosemond's advice, I've begun to wonder how much of her behavior has been caused by my own anxieties and micromanaging tendencies.
If you don't mind, I'd love to hear your thoughts about the tickets vs a positive reward for doing the right thing.
Thanks!!

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