Problems with live-in adult stepdaughter


My stepdaughter, Mary, and her 7 1/2 year old granddaughter, Ann, moved in with us in NY since her husband is an alcoholic and in rehab in CA. She finally landed a good job here in her industry....started in March and by July during the 4th weekend while her CA girlfriend and daughter were visiting us for a week she said she wanted to invite some guys from work to our friends’s lake house for the day. Well, only one male ( Joe) came from work and the other two we her high school buddies. The next week I heard her tell her father ( my husband) “Well, since you are sick now can can’t take care of me I like “ Joe” and I want you to like him”. My husband didn’t even know what she was talking about. She said Joe was divorced and no kids. Then that night I noticed this “Joe” was on our patio massaging her feet and legs around 9:00 pm while my 7 1/2 granddaughter was upstairs getting ready for bed. I was upset and tried to get my wits about me because I had a weird feeling about him. Just a gut feeling. Anyway, I tired to go to sleep around 11 and finally around 2:00 the light on the patio was still on and shining in my bedroom so I went to turn it off and saw his shoes near the door which meant he was upstairs! Now I don’t know if they were playing “checkers or if Mary went to sleep with Ann in Ann's room and he stayed in Mary’s room” but he was 20 feet from Ann's room! Ann tends to go into her mother’s room many nights so I was upset to think even if they were talking all night which Mary said she was doing Ann would be confused that a man was there!
So the next morning I confronted her and said I don’t understand why you sabotage your goals.
# 1. You are trying to get full custody of your daughter and you don’t think Ann won't tell her father about this guy? That could give her father ammunition to fight for rights since he can say there is someone around his daughter since she is unfit to care for her or something to that effect.
#2. I said which one of you will lose their job since you both work together in a small company? Are you ready for that?
#3. We didn’t expect you to date unless you are divorced? When is that going to happen?
She never answered anything but wrote a scathing note saying I disrespected her and she wasn't dating but she is lying and I find that totally disrespectful to us in our house!
My question is.... I Googled his name and found that he or his father (if he has the same name) got married Dec. 2015. The pictures show a large obese man and the woman looks quite young. I would swear it is the guy Mary is seeing. Do I ask her if she has seen this and has she done a background check on him ( which she should have done on her husband before she got involved with him? She might have seen a pattern with the family addictions. Her choices of men do not fit her goals for nice things and healthy exercise habits.

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