Question
I have a daughter who is 21 years old and got pregnant by a 27-year-old married man with children, when she was 18. Of course he went back to his wife and family and my daughter was left with the burden of this life-changing event that was facing her. She was determined to keep her baby, even without his help or help from the government. She and her little boy lived with us for 2 years, while she attended college. My other two children, ages 9 and 10, and myself became very attached to him. He really is a special little boy. The plan was that after she graduated college, she would move out with her child. After she moved out, she quickly learned that she couldn't do it alone. And my husband was through helping her (he is not my daughters bio father, he has many resentments against her). So she made the excruciatingly painful decision to place him for adoption. I have to say that if it has to be this way, it couldn't get any better. The family we found actually has 3 other adopted children and they fully support the open adoption concept. To make things even better, they live 10 minutes from us. Transitioning him into his new family was very convenient, and everyone was as happy as we could be. We visited with him and his new family once a week, and my children and their children immediately hit it off. I thought everything was going great and then I got an e-mail from his new family requesting that I cease visiting with him, because it was causing him stress at bedtime. It has been six weeks now, and my children and I cannot get over the grief of not seeing him. They said they didn't know when he would be ready to start visiting with us again, but they would let us know. I send them e-mails about every other week asking for updates on how he is doing. "He's doing great" they tell me. His new mommy and I are have a lunch date Friday, and I don't know how I am going to handle it. I'm sure they are aware we want to see him, but can you offer any insight on what is reasonable on my part? I know I cannot have my cake and eat it too, but I know he must feel abandoned by his extended family. I've spent many quality hours with this little boy for the first two years of his life, and I know it would be healthy for him to know that he can count on seeing my children and me. Stress at bedtime? Isn't that something he will eventually grow out of or learn to cope with? Can I offer her any suggestions with dealing with his "stress"?
