"A child who can't take "no" for an answer always has parents who can't say it and mean it. "

School Toy Story

Question

Hi,

I have a question regarding my almost 7 year old daughter. Last year she got kicked out of kindergarten after 3 suspensions in the first few months of school. She was then sent to a private behavior school for children with severe behavior problems and/or learning disabilities (she has both) that the district provides for. The school's way of correcting these kids is time out and rewards (excessively). They use a point system during each period and the kids can earn up to one hundred points daily. At the end of the week they turn their points in for "money" and head to the elaborate "school toy store". If the child can not find anything they want there the staff will gladly order them something online. Even if the child did not earn all their points they still seem to be rewarded with a small consolation prize for their effort.

Since day one I have told my daughter we will not be keeping things from the "school toy store" and have placed the toys in a bag to donate. We went a long time with having no issues with this, until my daughter told her teacher that she does not get to keep the toys. The teacher than started allowing her to open/ play with the toys at school before coming home. I asked the teacher to have these toys put in her back pack unopened since toys were coming home with pieces missing and I would end up tossing them. My daughter than started sneaking and "stashing" her toys in her school van so she could play with them during the long drive to and from school. Once I found out, there were consequences for sneaking and lying to me that they were at school because "they didn't fit in her back pack". All was fine for a few more weeks, until this week when she purposefully kept the toys in her school locker and told me she did it because she wanted to keep them. I sent her to her room because she knowingly defied my instructions. I do not agree with the school "paying" a child with toys for good behavior and I wish I could opt her out of this whole ordeal but I am positive the school would not fully comply with it, or will find another means of ensuring she is "rewarded". What should I do in this situation?

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