Question
We live on a street where there are a lot of kids. My boys, 9 and 11 years old, are outside all the time playing and my house tends to be the place where all the kids play. If my kids or other kids come to me and tattle about anything my response is you guys go figure it out and I stay out of it. The mom across the street texted me to have a talk next week about how we can keep peace on the street between all the kids. She has two boys who are 9 and 5 years old. They are outside all the time as well. We both tell our kids if they cannot be kind, then they just need to stay on their side of the street. I know I am hands off when it comes to boys playing since they are generally rough, and energetic and I have no desire to micromanage my kids or others. When I talk to her next week, I'm trying to figure out what we will agree on to keep the peace. I plan on saying I don't want any kids in my garage (not ok for kids) and I will only text her if things get too physical. Any advice on this conversation?
Answer
It is a real pleasure to assist you in this matter as you appear to be parenting in a practical manner. Your neighbor may be a "micro mom-ager" and you are wise to put some thought into your upcoming meeting. First, create a list of the way you handle things when the boys have problems. In reviewing that list, if you do not see a need to change anything then leave it as is - do not overthink. When you meet with your neighbor, invite her to speak first. That will give you a chance to assess the aligning issues as well as those which you do not agree with. Validate your peer by saying "I understand your position, can you consider ...." then address the manner in which you will handle things. It is important that you do not become defensive. Stay true to the manner in which you have been handling things and make it clear that you will be moving forward as explained. Thank you for not trying to solve all problems - you are giving your children a chance to resolve their own issues.
Gretchen Slover
drgretchenslover.com
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