12YO's Rude Behavior Needs to Stop


6 yo daughter and a 12 yo daughter. 12 yo is acting rude toward her grandma. Grandma is loving, kind, interested and attends activities. 12 yo is a good kid, good grades, is respectful. We’ve set expectations of behavior, manners. When talking with grandma she refuses to engage, barely makes eye contact, gives one-word answers. We’ve had a lot of changes in the past 2 yrs. One set of grandparents has always lived in town, and other set lived out of state. Since being small, the girls attended in-home daycare at Grandmas. Out of state grandpa passed away, and newly widowed grandma relocated to our town. Other grandma now here and we’re spending more time together. We suspect that hormonal tween feels “disloyal” to in-town grandma when she is with other grandma. This is causing hurt feelings for 6+ months and not her normal behavior toward others. She has a phone and computer. Do we, and how do we, punish for unkind behavior? How do we address and set expectations of kindness?

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