Why Should Children Listen?


I received a response from Sarah Hamaker, thank you. I'm writing in response to your response.
As I said in my 1st note, this situation has been going on since our 14 year old was probably about 7. Yes, about 7, maybe even longer, in those 7 years we've had 3 more children, and when we had another child the more our oldest didn't comply with what we asked her. Then when she didn't comply her brother's and sister's wouldn't either. Now, none of the children want to comply with anything we ask them, or not to do. They say why should we listen, when the others won't, or why should we punished when the others aren't. They say the others aren't helping why should we.
I'm also trying to be a the leader, but they still don't want to listen. I'm trying to change in so many ways, but everytime I turn around, I get talked back at, cussed at, and not respected. I usually spend the week cleaning up the mess they've made over the weekend, plus the things that didn't get done the evening before.
I'm trying to figure out a good method of consequences. I did basically strip the girl's room of anything that meant any value to them. Told them why I did it, and said that for a certain amount of time that the 2 oldest girls had to stay in their room until they were unconfined. They just disregard everything that I told them, and for the most part do whatever they want. The only thing I didn't do was make a chart for the amount of time they are confined, as Dr. Rosemond suggests. We also really don't have a way to put things we've taken from them in storage. I wasn't sure if their pictures, journals, letters, things of that nature should be taken away, as well. I wouldn't want to take something that could remind them of things that people have told them, that are of value.
I'm also trying to figure out how to have Alpha Speech, when most of the kids don't listen to anything I say. It's like yeah, whatever Mom, we know you said it, but you can't make me do it, and we don't have to. I don't really have a projectile voice. Any suggestions on how & what I should say when I ask them to do something would be helpful.
How do I get them to understand that they need work together, and do their responsibilities when they won't even listen.
We also want to give rewards when we're able to, for when they comply, but not so that they expect to have something everytime.
Our oldest daughter says she wants nothing to do with her mother, and she doesn't, and she's holding fast to that. I'm just trying to figure out how to get our daughter to want to be in the family, without ruining what is left in our relationship. We've made our mistakes, and have asked for forgiveness, even had our kids taken from us, isn't that enough. We just want to get to the bottom of this hurt that was caused, so we can start healing, as a family. It's like, even though the kids are home, it's like we've lost them, again.
Any suggestions about how to handle our situation would be wonderful.

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