Figuring things out isn't easy.


I have been married for more than 25 years. My husband came with a daughter from his first marriage and we have two of our own. He is very permissive-extremely guilt ridden and operates from the fear of being rejected by the kids. They fill whatever void he has and our marriage is secondary. We have been to counseling, he understands what he must do, and he doesn't do it. His daughter stopped speaking to me 15 years ago because I was unwilling to allow her to be the boss. Our oldest daughter (23) has been very disrespectful during the last 24 months because I made her finish her degree before switching majors due to a 50% scholarship. While he agreed to that he would not tell her he also agreed. Now our youngest daughter, 17 is very defiant (of course-she has no boundaries) and is emotionally blackmailing me by threatening to ostracize me. My youngest revealed she is dating a much older guy (22) and has not made any attempt for us to meet him. Both of my kids are under the impression that I am mean, overbearing and over boundaried. My oldest (Bachelors in Social Work) has decided that because I yelled at the kids, I was verbally abusive and "sick" She told me to check into a mental hospital, which I recognize as an attempt to stay in power and show her knowledge as a college graduate.
I am a nervous wreck because the kids are running the show. My husband acknowledges that he needs to discipline but thinks that means "talking to her" There are no consequences...which clearly leaves the girls in power-ostracizing me doesn't seem to bother him at all. I need help because I am becoming emotionally disregulated and am suffering extreme anxiety due to my powerlessness and my own fear of being abandoned by all of my family due to his permissiveness. I am so afraid for my youngest daughters safety. Just desperate...

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