When to Use the Chair of Wisdom


We have our 6 block daily charts set up for our 9 year old son. Since he is constantly defiant we decided that it is more than enough to just target disobedience as his one target misbehavior. A few questions:
1) If I ask him to do something and he does it, but does it begrudgingly do I let that go? Or do we require him to obey right away and happily from the start? We are beginning with a child that does not do anything that he does not want to do. I'm thinking that if he begins the practice of doing what he is told hopefully he will become happier himself and the right attitude will follow later on?
2) He is a tantrum thrower. They can be small or massive and out of control. I read about the "chair of wisdom" but I'm not sure how to handle that with someone who may be thrown to having a full blown fit. Do we state our expectation and then if he disobeys just remove a block? If he begins to complain and want to talk do we try to hear him out? Should we use the "chair of wisdom" but with the rules that he not yell or become out of control? I'm expecting explosive push back from him once we begin his chart. My instinct is to tell him from the start that any tantrum (small or large) would mean he stays in his empty room for 1 full week. I'm afraid of being drawn into a power struggle so my gut is telling me to skip the " chair discussion" time because I feel in his case it would defeat the purpose of me or my husband remaining in authority. I know he will not receive any firm "no" from us with out at the very least falling on the floor, begging and crying, once we get to those blocks that truly mean something to him. How much of that push back do we allow and ignore? If we take a block and he starts to cry do we just walk away and only respond further if he is throwing a tantrum that is getting out of control. Then send him to his room for the week once he is calm? We are caught in a cycle of power struggles with him over every little thing during the day. How would you advise we proceed? Thank you so much for your help.

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