Punish the Whole Family?


My husband and I recently went on a trip for 2.5 weeks and left our almost 5 yr old and almost 3 yr old with our parents. Upon returning we are experiencing some grandparent detox. Aka--horribly behaved children. I thought it would dissipate after a week or so and while some of it has, a few rather unpleasant behaviors have held on. It's time to lower the boom. The almost 5 yr old has been throwing tantrums which often include a physicsl outburst (hitting, pushing, etc.) while he was occasionally doing this before we left, it had greatly diminished thanks to using the ticket system. I know we need to reimplement this, but the one thing I hated about it last time was that I felt it gave him so much power over the rest of the family's life. For example, we are packing up to go to the pool when the 3 yr old beats the 5yr old to the back door (so ridiculous!) so the 5 yr old screams at him and pushes him down. Then when I send him to his room for the rest of the day, the 3 yr old Is also punished bc he doesn't get to go to the pool. And he's old enough to be upset by this Does that makes sense? Or 5 yr old gets sent to his room for the rest of the day for hitting but I'd planned a grocery trip and now can't fix supper bc I don't have the groceries I need. Do I just suck it up and be ok with inadvertently punishing the 3 yr old (and sometimes myself)?Or do I bring him along to whatever we had planned and not let him participate?---make him sit out of the pool by himself? Or bring him on the grocery trip and make him buckle into the cart (which he's way too old to do and hates). Thoughts?

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