"There are no argumentative children; only adults who argue with children."

Pot-Smoking 19 Year Old Unemployed and Living at Home

Question

My 19 year old son lives at home, smokes pot, is currently unemployed. He struggled all through school- we didn't know until the last week of school whether he was graduating or not (I don't think he smoked then). He did graduate. His room is a pigsty most of the time. He has gotten lazier since he graduated 1 year ago about everything including showering. I always felt there was something slightly different about him (maybe slight ADD or autism) since he was a baby. He speaks in a monotone, jumps around in his thought processes and does everything slowly. For these reasons we have not pushed him as hard as we should have. We have told him we don't want him smoking pot to no avail. I bought him a car to use so he could work, but he has quit some jobs after a few months and lost one because he didn't think to ask the manager where the work schedule was posted right after training, missed a day of work and got fired. I am at the end of my rope and fearful that this young man is never going to be able to support himself. I took the car away today because he drove it while high, hasn't worked in a few months (except for a week in training before getting fired) and the whole reason for the car was transportation for work. Now he says he can't work without a car. I am afraid to give him the ultimatum to stop smoking pot or move out. Even if he does agree to stop smoking the urine tests stay positive for 1-2 months. What should I do? I know I've overindulged him and not made him be responsible enough over the years. I'm afraid of what will happen if I throw him out. Thank you for any advice.

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