10 yo Garden Kick Not Working?


At the first of June, we kicked our nearly 10yo daughter "out of the garden" due to disrespect and disobedience. (Not flagrant/in your face disobedience, but sneaky rule-breaking when no one is watching).

Her room has been stripped of toys, decorations, etc leaving her bed and empty shelves. We allowed her a notepad, crayons and 5 books (Bible, Children's Book of Virtues, etc). Three days ago, we removed even that, leaving her Bible. She has to go 2 weeks without being disrespectful or disobedient. Aside from family functions, church and meals, she's stayed in her room.

Our problem is that after nearly 2 months, she's been unable to make it two weeks without misbehaving... and she's grossly frustrated. (Her max was 6 days in a row.) Her behavior continues to be an issue (sneaking out of her room to play in the night... and getting caught, mouthing off at us, etc.) Anytime she has to start over, we have a major meltdown that can last for 2 or 3 days before she decides she's really going to try and "be good" again. Those meltdowns include horrible behavior like we haven't seen before, language that we don't allow, tantrums, etc. Jaw dropping behavior that's very much not the norm.

Partly we think that perhaps things have to get worse before they get better. Partly, we're having niggling doubts that maybe we're doing something wrong. To add more pressure, school is looming and she's looking forward to the "escape" from her room that school will provide. We have homeschooled in the past and considered doing it again so that we can firmly and consistently address the problems without the interruption of a day at school. Then again, her year of public school last year was very helpful in encouraging her to be responsible and get along with others better. The peer pressure also encouraged better obedience and behavior. (As one teacher put it, "she's not mean or bad... just impulsive in her behavior".)

So I guess my question is... are we doing the right thing punishment wise? Do we stay the course or does this need to be tweaked? And should we consider homeschooling in order to consistently deal with this or continue with public school in hopes that it will continue to help overall with her behavior?

Become A Member To View The Answer

Please register and purchase a subscription in order to view the answer. Existing members please log in.


View All Questions