As to your answer to my previous question, it isn't relevant since we never get to have our grandson at our home for a visit. He tattles on us right in front of us at his home. Any indiscretion is immediately reported. My son is now just as vigilant as my daughter-in-law.
My son and his wife, married 5 years, have a blended family: he has a son, 10, and she has a son, 7, "Jake," and they now have a 13-month son together. When the eldest was a baby and young child, before my son and his first wife divorced, we got him all the time, whenever we wanted (and still can with his ex-wife); however, we have only had "Jake" on 3 occasions (with the oldest), twice to see a movie and once to swim. My daughter-in-law is overly fearful about everything and is hyper-vigilant - always fearing the worst. "Jake" is fearful, sleeps with Mom, and has never spent the night with anyone but his parents.
The problem is that they will not let us have the baby in our home and have given us no reason why; we must go to their house to babysit. Her mother smokes (but not inside), and babysits "Jake" while they're at work, so maybe it's because they don't want him at her house. ["Jake" is on a rigid schedule and can only be in two rooms in the house that are deemed "safe."] I am heartbroken and have shared this with my son and he says that I do not respect his wishes for caring for his son. Is there any hope?