Question
We need help deciding our response to our 18 year old daughter. She is a freshman currently attending a Bible College and seemly doing quite well. She has a lot of good qualities that make us proud of her. However, for the last several years including when she was at home and now when she visits home there seems to be an emotional wall that is erected between her and my wife and me. She is not openly defiant, but seems to have an underlying anger/disgust/? toward us. She will visit some in an appropriate manner, but seldom returns acts of affection or appreciation. When we ask her about it, she becomes very emphatic that "we don't have a good relationship and its all a surface relationship - nothing can be done now - I wanted a relationship when I was younger but you always would tell us to just pray about it...- you wouldn't listen to us - I don't have the time and energy to do anything about it - I told you a while back that I was just going to settle for a surface relationship - all of us older kids feel this way - etc." This happened again over the Thanksgiving holiday when she was home. I was not present but my wife tried to talk to her and assure her that we were sorry that she felt that way and that we were sorry for the ways that we had failed her and that it is not too late to have a good relationship, but she would have nothing to do with it. It seems to me (maybe its just me) that when she is here there are negative vibes for all of us. I know that she likes to talk about our faults to her older sister (that is married and living in Missouri) and also to her other siblings. It feels that there is toxicity that needs to be addressed but I am at a loss of what to do. We don't want to further alienate her, but are very concerned about the dissension that she stirs up. It feels like she is trying to punish us for things that we have said in the past and stands that we have taken on several issues. We are willing to admit faults and make amends but she acts like that is not an option. On several occasions, I have apologized for errors in judgement, but I never felt that they were accepted and I don't recall her ever asking forgiveness for her part of an issue. Any suggestions?
