Battle of the Wills with 4 year old

Question

Arguing. All the time. Over everything big and small. From what she eats for breakfast, clothes, using soap to wash hands.....washing hands, what she eats, how many grapes for her snack. Everything.
I'm at the end of my rope and reached the breaking point today which resulted in her screaming and crying and me screaming and crying. By far one of my worst parenting moments. My 7 year old son heard all of it, tried to comfort us both, and cried himself. I've failed both of them today. And I don't know what to do. I can't take the constant push back. I've tried time out, going to bed early, giving in, not giving in, staying calm and explaining consequences. I'm just at a loss right now and need some encouragement.

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