"Parents cannot effectively communicate their love to a child unless they are also a source of effective authority. "

What's a Grandmother To Do?

Question

Good morning,
Almost 2 decades of an avid Rosemond follower, I am confident he can offer his wisdom or at least help me help my daughter/grand-kids?

My daughter is a 31 YO wonderful person, church going believer, wife of 7 years, mother of 2 and friend to all. She goes to Christian counseling occasionally for panic attacks she gets from the fear of spending money and her people pleasing tendencies. I've apologized to her for any part I caused in her adult life issues since I was the person to keep the family afloat while their [now deceased] father lived the life of a spend-thrift.

Now to my concerns for my daughter - she stays constantly on the go go go. I asked her once if she was afraid of being at home with just kids when her husband (firefighter) is on long shifts. She has been blessed with a beautiful home she shares with my pseudo-aging adopted mother to keep her from the nursing home as long as possible. Recently to accommodate oxygen tanks, Granny bought a new SUV - however, because the ability to drive is becoming less and less feasible - my daughter is driving the new car.

In short - my daughter is a slob. She and her family have too many 'things' and they are EVERYWHERE! Trash, trash, trash - in the new car, all over the 5 year old house with walls that already need to be painted. I had the privilege to assist this past week when daughter was playing church softball (bad idea since she already has back issues), 6 year old had impromptu baseball practice and husband was in neighboring city 'playing a gig'. She ended up in the ER after the first swing. I took care of the kids 3 & 6 while my husband followed to ER and waited out the evening with my son-in-law for the prognosis (torn muscle - she's fine). Dr. Rosemond - before you volunteer to direct the children's Easter musical, engage in extra-curricular activities and most importantly to try and lead by example for your children to have a respect for material blessings, you need to be able to manage your own household which includes cleanliness, tidiness, organization. NOTE: I am not a clean freak fanatic but I try to keep things orderly and feel you need to not just appreciate with your words but also in deed for the blessings you have been afforded in this life.

My daughter knows her lifestyle is contrary to how I would manage but affirms she has a happy loving home - and I would agree. However, when the 3 year old girl is wearing her 6 year old brothers outgrown underwear because its still usable, I buy my granddaughter her own. When grandson is wearing hand me down or clearance shoes that don't fit, I buy ones that do (wearing wrong sized shoes is not healthy for growing feet). I bought her the Marie Kondo book 3 years ago before "spark joy" became a saying.

My daughter's family is not suffering financially by any means. She is an accomplished educator with a masters degree in special education. It is me that has to simply accept her lifestyle (except when her over extending busy-ness requires me to miss work because she's at the ER until midnight and I'm with the grand-kids, having to give them baths but first cleaning the tub because it still has the dirt in it from prior night's bath, having to use a Christmas towel as a rag because no other clean rags could be found) OR do you have a recommendation that would help her with her Christian counseling she's already seeing to get control of the mess and stop running from her home to keep from having to live in it?

I sincerely appreciate your taking the time to honestly contemplate from the summarized bits I've tried to parlay. Thank you, TEV

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