"If you think childrearing is difficult, it will be. "

Rejected by adult children.

Question

It is embarrassing to admit that we have seemed to blow it as parents, but it sure appears to be the case! I have contacted you about our daughter that has pretty much cut us off and blame us for her issues. Well, we were visiting her older married sister recently in Missouri. We knew that there was a lot of "sharing" between the two of them and that we had sensed a drawing away from the older daughter. As we got ready to leave, our oldest daughter confronted us with a letter that she had written. It is too long to include here, but I asked her if I could have a copy after she read it to us. The title was "You're Wrong". Here are excerpts: "It's taken years away from yuor manipulation to feel confident enough to say that. You feel for lies you were taught and chose to believe even more...you hurt me and my siblings who I love so much. (Long list of accusations - some have some merit, many are misinterpretations of what happened, some were instances with other children, etc)... Now my relationship with my kids (our grandkids) and sweet husband are strongly affected by the hurt and bad philosophies you gave me... I need need you to know that we don't have a relationship - not a friendly one at least - and I don't want one. ..I forgive you, in the sense that I am moving towards full forgiveness in faith that God can help me get there. I'm really not looking for reconciliation at this point. I forgive you, but I haven't seen any change and I am skeptical that I will." We (my wife and I) both told her we were sorry and asked about the holidays and contact with the grandkids. She indicated she didn't know how it would work out, but she wanted to be civil and keep a relationship with her siblings. My wife told her that she wanted to give her a hug and she refused. We left in shock especially since her childhood seemed rather positive from our memories, but we know she has suffered from depression since having her children. My wife has suffered from depression as well and had been taking Zoloft recently. Her prescription ran out so she quit taking it about that time. She (my wife) is really struggling with all this and we don't know where to go from here. It seems that several of the other children are on their side (I hate that feeling but it exists right now). I try not to give in to drama, but it feels like our family is in utter chaos. We desperately need help especially with the holidays ahead. Any suggestions?

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