14 yr old peer pressure


My 14 year old daughter has an 'interesting' group of friends at her government school, who seem to be able to manipulate their parents. We are zoned for this school and cannot afford a private school. Since moving in this circle, she now appears to be under the misapprehension that she will get what she wants by screaming and swearing when expected to do basic household chores, or really even if some embarrassing family member looks at her sideways. She often seems highly reactive and angry. When this behaviour occurs we take her phone for sometimes weeks at a time, and/or ground her and talk about what is and is not acceptable. This has worked quite well and the disrespectful behaviour has reduced in frequency. However, she is desperate to fit in with this crew and currently she is attempting to manipulate us with the 'all my friends and their parents say you are too strict' line, to which I've responded 'well they are welcome to speak with me about it' and surprisingly no one has taken up my offer. She is now continuing to try and up the ante and says she wants to live elsewhere to which I've responded 'you will live here until you're 18 and abide by our rules unless you can arrange to live with a relative.' She also has a circulatory condition (Reynauds') for which the doctor has recommended that she wears warm clothes in winter but which she refuses to do, on the grounds that she 'won't be dressed like the other kids' and they will tease her. My question is, should I relent and let her go out not dressed adequately for the weather or let her 'face the consequences' as she says she wishes to, or hold the line? This seems to be our current battle zone but is indicative of the bigger picture. Thank you for your help.

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