HI Kaye, thank you for your answer. I have tried that approach from day one, and actually he keeps right on whining, lying on the floor and kicking..no matter what I do or what I say, or how I empathise. ..so he usually ends up in the whining/tantrum room.
Then (As I mentioned), he pees on the floor/bed/pants, chair, bed, wherever he happens to be sitting on and screaming..and refuses to put the pee in the toilet.This is another incredibly frustrating problem!! I'm really trying to contain the whining and tantrums and the tantrums is causing problems with toilet training. Yes, I have now moved his tantrum place to the bathroom. I got 4 puddles on the floor yesterday due to four tantrums. It's like, when he's throwing fits, he forgets/refuses to pee in the toilet because he is too busy screaming. And the pee puddles make him scream even more. After he empties his bladder on the floor, he then sits on the toilet and pees a mere few drops, and then tells me he is done.
I have been doing this: When he screams and whines, tell him he has to do it in the toilet (and then I carry him there). Then I remind him that pee goes in the potty. After he is done screaming, I will expect a big pee puddle somewhere. Then I will then tell him - he peed on the floor and not in the potty. He can't come out until the potty bell rings, and then he would comply - and come out. This lasts till the next whining episode, then the same thing would repeat itself! Should I not be trying to solve two problems at once? I can't seem to solve either though!
Any more suggestions? The toilet training defiance bother me a great deal too.