"As children grow older, parents must give them greater freedom, including greater freedom to make mistakes. "

Ask them no questions...

Question

My 15 year old has been lying. Last month it was about getting homework done after a busy weekend of chorus performances when she actually was planning on asking a pushover teacher for an "extension". Earlier this month she blocked me from seeing a video she posted on social media because it was in poor taste (not terrible) and when I found out, she spent the better part of 45 minutes in a full dramatic lying, complete with tears and promises before finally admitting the truth. (I realize I shouldn't have allowed it to go that far.) She had her phone taken away and now has a flip phone (which we made her pay for) to text us her whereabouts and keep in touch with us. We live in NYC and our children use mass transit to get to school and activities so being able to text is necessary. Yesterday she lied and made me believe she was still on the city bus when in fact she went to Starbucks before school. Our kids occasionally go to there and buy something with their own money so she couldn't explain why she just didn't tell me. Her reason was she thought I might say "no" so she just lied instead. My question is, what do we do? She is a very good girl, never gets in trouble at school or at home other than this, and seems to want to do the right thing but this lying for no reason is confusing. She is a freshman at a new high school and I am not convinced continuing to take everything away (phone, social activities, and potentially chorus) is going to change or help. We have followed John's guidance for 18 years with our three girls but each one brings new challenges. Any advice is really appreciated.

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