"If you think childrearing is difficult, it will be. "

Unresolved marital issues impact parenting.

Question

My 18 year old step son caused a horrible scene at our family Easter gathering this weekend. His younger brother was in trouble for being rude and disrespectful to both his father and me. However the situation was under control. The older boy is adamant that the younger brother leave with him. He would not accept his father's repeated answer of no that the younger was not going with him and that we would make sure he had what he needed. The older was speaking very loudly and disrespectful to his dad. I said to him that " your dad told you we had this". He loudly calls me a vulgar word (b##ch). My husband and he end up in front yard with my husband holding him in a choke hold trying to control him.The 18 year old is hitting anyone within range. He plummeted his twin brother pretty well who was trying to help separate the two. In all of this he tells me he is going to hit me. I have never hit this child in ten years. Nor did I give any inclination this day. The boys ended up leaving. It was a mortifying experience and my husband is crushed that this boy would act this way. I am hurt beyond words and am not ready to see the child at all. He called and told his dad he was sorry. He asked his dad to tell me he is sorry too. My husband told him he would have to tell . This boy treats his mom this way. He does get physical with her. He has tried once to scare and intimidate me. I held my ground and put him on restriction from the family boat for that summer. He has never tried to scare me again. He is about 6'2" and 240# just for reference. My husband is upset at me for not bring to see the boy right now. I told him I was hurt and I need time. This is my home too and I should not feel ill at ease or unsafe in my own home. I told him I will call police if I am ever hit by this boy. He said we will be divorced if I do. Please give me advice.

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