Divorced Parents don't agree on when to toilet train


My husband's three-year-old son lives with his mother visiting us regularly in evenings and overnight on weekends. His third birthday was in October and as of today, he has not even started toilet training at this mother's. At first, we ignored it and allowed him to continue wearing diapers, even though we would have loved to help potty train him. Second, we tried to encourage him to use the toilet at our house, which ended in an irate mother and a miserable/confused little boy. As I have said, he is over three and still no sign of the toilet...
I am really afraid that this is going to cause our little guy some problems in the future. Is there a "nice" way to go around his mother or explain things to her? Should we just prepare for the fallout?

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