John's Articles

Adopted Brothers Can Handle the Truth About Older Sibling

Posted on 4/19/2005

ADOPTED TEENS CAN HANDLE TRUTH Q: Thirteen years ago, we adopted two brothers from Eastern Europe. They are now 14 and 16. Last year we were contacted by their older sister, age 24, who is...

Teen's Hormones and Unruly Emotions

Posted on 2/1/2005

DON'T BLAME TEENAGERS' HORMONES FOR THEIR UNRULY EMOTIONS Q: During a recent talk show appearance, a psychologist said that runaway hormone levels often cause the rational part of the...

17-Year-Old Grades and Car Privileges

Posted on 1/11/2005

LINK 17-YEAR-OLD'S CAR PRIVILEGES TO HIS SUCCESS IN SCHOOLWORK Q: Our 17-year-old son - a junior in high school - received two F's on his last report card. Believe me when I say that while...

16-Year-Old With Many Issues

Posted on 8/10/2004

KEEP STEPSON GROUNDED FOR COMMUNITY'S SAKE Q: Life with my 16-year-old stepson, who lives with my husband and me because his mother is a mess, has been a battle from day one. School has always...

16-Year-Old Refuses to Wear Glasses to Drive

Posted on 4/29/2003

TAKE DRASTIC ACTION WITH TEEN WHO DRIVES WITHOUT HER GLASSES Q: Our 16-year-old daughter needs to wear glasses in order to legally drive. It clearly says so on her driver's license. We have...

16-Year-Old Should Pay for Tutoring

Posted on 3/18/2003

Q: Our 16-year-old daughter was struggling with algebra, so we got her a tutor. She has a part-time job. Do you think she should pay for all or part of the tutoring? A: The best approach was...

16-Year-Olds are Too Young to Drive

Posted on 12/3/2002

16 TOO YOUNG AN AGE TO DRIVE, PERIOD Here's a thought exercise for you: Let's say that playing video games was the leading cause of death among preschool children. Researchers had found that...

Adopted 16-Year-Old Runaway

Posted on 10/8/2002

GIVE RUNAWAY CHILD SOME ROOM; MAYBE SHE'LL RETURN\ Q: Six months ago, our 16-year-old daughter ran away from home. We adopted Sasha when she was 10, and we know she is somewhere in the South...

16-Year-Old with Pornographic Material

Posted on 2/12/2002

SNOOPY MOM ERRED BUT DON'T IGNORE PORNO FIND Q: We recently found pornographic material under our 16-year-old's bed. Last year he battled depression, bad grades and drug use, but this year he's...

16-Year-Old Academic Problems

Posted on 12/18/2001

EXPERIENCES OF FAILURE ARE NECESSARY FOR KIDS' GROWTH A mother recently asked for advice on her 16-year-old son's academic problems. He needed nightly help with his homework, she said, and she...

Teenagers and Drug Use

Posted on 12/11/2001

GETTING A TEEN OFF DRUGS TAKES FIRM HAND, NOT HAND WRINGING Over the past few months, quite a number of parents have asked my advice about teen-agers who are smoking pot, using hallucinogens...

16-Year-Old Charges Items on Parents' Account

Posted on 7/31/2001

MAKE BIG SPENDER PAY FOR GENEROSITY Q: During a recent outing at the club we belong to, I discovered that our 16-year-old son was treating five or six of his friends to goodies, charging them...

16-Year-Old Has Messy Room

Posted on 6/12/2001

LAY DOWN LAW TO CLEAN UP TEEN'S ACT Q. Our 16-year-old son's room is a perpetual pigsty. Clothes, CDs, electronic equipment, magazines, and an assortment of various other personal belongings...

12th Grader Doesn't Want to go to College

Posted on 11/28/2000

TRUST AN ABLE 12TH-GRADER TO STEER HIMSELF IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION Q. Our 12th-grade son, an honor student, has recently told us he doesn't want to go to college. Instead, he wants to become a...

Don't Micromanage Teenagers

Posted on 7/4/2000

TEEN-AGERS LEARN FROM EXPERIENCE, NOT NAGGING Q. In a talk you recently gave in Ohio, you warned of the pitfalls of trying to micromanage a teen-ager. This is a new concept to me. Can you...

Parent Snooping in Teen's Stuff

Posted on 3/14/2000

Q. Is it OK for me to snoop in my teen-ager's books, notes, book-bag, diary, etc., if I suspect he may be up to something? If I find evidence of wrongdoing, how should I handle it? What if I find...

16-Year-Old Obsessed with Girlfriend

Posted on 12/7/1999

Q. Our 16-year-old has a steady girlfriend, and all he wants to do, it seems, is be with her and talk to her on the phone when he's not with her. He's a good kid and makes good grades, but we're...

16-Year-Old May Be Depressed

Posted on 11/30/1999

THIS TEEN-AGER NEEDS HELP, NOT DISCIPLINE Q. Our 16 year-old daughter has always been a moody, uncommunicative child, but in the last couple of years it's gone from bad to worse. She hangs out...

Teens and Hormones

Posted on 4/6/1999

HORMONE LEVELS AREN'T MAKING TEENS RUN AMOK Q. A TV newsmagazine recently ran a segment where an expert claimed that runaway hormone levels during the early teens often cause the rational part...

Teen Issues: Co-Ed Sleeping Party and Adolescent Health

Posted on 8/18/1998

COED SLEEP' FOR TEENS IS A PARTICULARLY DUMB IDEA Q. What's the dumbest thing you've ever heard concerning teen-agers? A. Actually, there are two dumbest things: The first was a story...

Teens Have No Fear

Posted on 6/23/1998

WHY SHOULD TEENS HAVE FEAR? ADULTS ARE IRRELEVANT While I was driving down the interstate the other day, a car flashed by on my left going at least 20 mph over the speed limit. For an instant,...

School Shootings: Guns are not the Problem

Posted on 6/9/1998

GUNS ARE NOT THE PROBLEM; NEW LACK OF DISCIPLINE IS For reasons obvious to all except those who've been on an extended media fast, the 1997-98 school year may well become known as the "Year of...

Teenager Getting a New Car

Posted on 1/27/1998

IF TEEN-AGER GETS A CAR, RESPONSIBILITY HAS TO BE KEY Q. Most of the teens in our community, when they get their driver's licenses, are presented with new cars by their parents. As a...

Today's Teens are More Prone to Serious Problems Than in Years Past

Posted on 5/27/1997

TEENS AND PARENTS AREN'T WHAT THEY ONCE WERE Q. Every week it seems, I hear yet another horror story about a teen-ager who's gone "off the deep end.'' In many cases, these are kids whose...

Couple Wants to Know How to Tell 6- and 9-Year Old About Divorce

Posted on 4/22/1997

IF YOU'RE DIVORCING, BREAK NEWS TO KIDS GENTLY, CLEARLY, QUICKLY Q. My wife and I have decided to get a divorce. We haven't told our two children, ages 9 and 6, and want to do so in as...

16-Year-Old Smoking - Part 2

Posted on 11/28/1996

Then there's the matter of a column I wrote several weeks ago in which I advised the parents of a 16-year-old who was smoking with her friends to give thanks for a daughter who was well-behaved,...

16-Year-Old Smoking - Part 1

Posted on 10/24/1996

PARENTS ARE FIRED UP OVER TEEN DAUGHTER'S SMOKING Q. We recently discovered that our 16-year-old daughter is smoking with her friends. Neither of us smoke and she knows she's breaking a family...

Reason Behind Increased Rates of Teen Depression, Drug/Alcohol Use, and Violence

Posted on 8/8/1996

FEEL-GOOD' PARENTING IS HURTING OUR CHILDREN For years, the politically correct explanation for the rise of depression, suicide, violence and drug and alcohol use among America's teens has been...

Understanding and Successfully Managing Your Teen-Ager - Part 4

Posted on 5/2/1996

MUZZLING THE EFFECTS OF PEER PRESSURE EDITOR'S NOTE: Fourth in a series on teen-agers. Q. Every week, it seems, I hear another horror story about a teen-ager who's gone "off the deep...

Understanding and Successfully Managing Your Teen-Ager - Part 3

Posted on 4/25/1996

RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUNG TEEN SET EARLY Third in a series on teen-agers. Burton White, author of "The First Three Years of Life,'' compared preadolescence to toddlerhood, terming the latter...

Understanding and Successfully Managing Your Teen-Ager - Part 2

Posted on 4/18/1996

KEEP THEM BUSY; THEY'LL BE FINE Q. I've heard that the more activities - church youth groups, athletics, school organizations - teen-agers are involved in, the less likely it is they'll get...

Understanding and Successfully Managing Your Teen-Ager - Part 1

Posted on 4/11/1996

WHEN GOOD TEENS DO BAD THINGS One of my presentations is titled "Understanding and Successfully Managing Your Teen-Ager (and Yourself Through Your Child's Teen Years).'' As you might imagine,...

16-Year-Old Wants a Car

Posted on 4/28/1995

THE STORY OF A TEENAGER, A CAR AND PARENTS WHO KEPT THEIR WORD As some of my readers know, I'm in the process of collecting material for an upcoming book on parents who have successfully dealt...

Parents Can't Reason With Teens

Posted on 9/16/1994

YOU CAN TALK TO TEENS, BUT YOU CAN'T REASON WITH THEM I gave a talk recently in which I said you can't reason with children. Someone raised a hand and said words to the effect that you can,...

Let Child Have the Last Word - Part 3 (Teen)

Posted on 11/12/1993

THOUGH STILL RUDE, TEEN DOES AS SHE IS TOLD My last two columns, both extolling the advantages of letting children have "the last word,'' have struck a familiar chord among some readers....

Let Child Have the Last Word - Part 2 (15-Year-Old)

Posted on 11/5/1993

WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THAT KIDS COMPLY; GOOD ATTITUDE' ISN'T NECESSARY In last week's column, I said that when a child doesn't like a parental decision, the parent should let the child have the...

Let Child Have the Last Word - Part 1 (12-Year-Old)

Posted on 10/29/1993

GO AHEAD, GIVE YOUR CHILD THE LAST WORD There was a look of desperation, I thought, a look of last resort, in this prematurely gray mother's eyes. "What can I do,'' she asked pleadingly, "with...

16-Year-Old is Dating Boy with Bad Reputation

Posted on 2/26/1993

IF DAUGHTER'S BOYFRIEND IS BAD NEWS, BETTER NOT ALIENATE HER Q. Our 16-year-old daughter is seeing a 17-year-old boy whose reputation leaves much to be desired. When we confronted her...

Kids and Smoking

Posted on 3/27/1992

A KID'S FIRST WHIFF OF CAMEL BREATH IS NOT FROM OLD JOE Poor Old Joe Camel. The campaign to force R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Co. to dump the dromedary from its Camel cigarette ads has become a...

16-Year-Old Disrespectful Toward Parents

Posted on 11/22/1991

Several weeks ago, in Miami, a woman in the audience asked how she and her husband could make their 16-year-old son stop talking disrespectfully to them. So far, she said, they'd complained,...

16-Year-Old Getting a Job

Posted on 8/26/1990

LET TEENAGER TRY A JOB IF SHE ASKS JUST LIMIT THE HOURS AND TELL HER SHE MUST MAINTAIN GOOD GRADES Q: With the start of the school year upon us, and with a child about to turn 16, my wife...

Teens and Drugs 2

Posted on 3/18/1990

SOLUTION HITS HOME: PARENTS, TOO, SHOULD JUST SAY NO In a recent column, I said that "Just Say No" (JSN) programs, based as they are on the notion that peer pressure is the evil behind the...

Teens and Drugs

Posted on 1/28/1990

PARENTS, NOT PEERS, MUST SAY NO Just say no. Simple as that. Immunize teens against the negative peer forces that lead to drug use by forming drug-free clubs, doing "self-esteem...

10th Grader Homework Issue

Posted on 3/26/1989

SOMETIMES HELP IS NO HELP AT ALL Upon entering the 10th grade, my daughter Amy was invited into advanced geometry. It was her first accelerated placement in math, and it turned out to be...

18-Year-Old Changes Name

Posted on 3/19/1989

DON'T FUSS OVER NAME CHANGE Q. Our 18-year-old daughter recently announced she has changed her name from Elaine to Porsche. She's never liked her name and often talked about changing it,...

16-Year-Old Grades Dropping

Posted on 3/12/1989

LINK DRIVING PRIVILEGE TO GOOD GRADES Q. A problem has recently developed with our 16-year-old son, who is a sophomore in high school. He's always been a very responsible student and has...

Give Teens More Freedom with Responsibility

Posted on 3/5/1989

RESPONSIBILITY COMES ALONG WITH FREEDOM When Eric and Amy were in their early teens, my wife and I made an astonishing announcement to each of them. We said, in effect, "We don't want to be...

Teenagers Not Bailed Out of Jail by Parents

Posted on 1/8/1989

CHARLIE BABBITT'S FATHER WAS RIGHT AS RAIN, MAN In one of the more paradoxical scenes from the movie "Rain Man," Charlie Babbitt, the character played by Tom Cruise, tells his girlfriend the...

Steriod Use on the Rise with Teens

Posted on 8/16/1987

IMAGE-CONSCIOUS TEENS TURNING TO STEROIDS During his early teen years, Mickey becomes interested in bodybuilding. For his 15th birthday, his parents buy him a membership in a local fitness...

Kids Given Too Much of What They Want and not Enough of What They Need

Posted on 7/5/1987

FORCE TEENS TO LEARN BY SERVING THEIR COUNTRY In a recent column of his, William F. Buckley bemoaned the "extraordinary ignorance of the younger generation." He cited numerous examples, from...

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