John's Articles
School Principal Asks About Discipline
Posted on 10/25/2022
Q: I am a principal at a private church-affiliated school. Contrary to my graduate school training and most of my peers’ practice, I believe disciplinary actions should "fit the crime."...
Read More'Parenting' vs. Child-Rearing
Posted on 8/23/2022
“The goal of parenting is not to control, coerce or punish children into being ‘good.’ The goal of parenting is to grow children who can feel all of their feelings and become empathic...
Read MoreDiscipline Differences Between Divorced Parents
Posted on 5/10/2022
Q: We see my husband's 9-year-old son every other weekend and two weeks in the summer. He has major issues in school with both behavior and doing his work. He's well behaved when he's with us, but...
Read MoreWhen To Use Time-outs
Posted on 1/4/2022
I was once an orthodox believer in the power of time-out—the practice of having a child sit in a somewhat isolated chair for five minutes or so immediately after said child has misbehaved. I...
Read MoreTime Out for Disrespectful 6-Year-old
Posted on 12/21/2021
Q: Whenever—and I most definitely mean every single time—I ask my six-year-old daughter to do something, she becomes very disrespectful. She stomps her foot, yells at me that I make her do...
Read MoreKids Don’t Need Curing, They Need Correcting
Posted on 5/18/2021
No small number of today’s parents view their children through psychological lenses, especially when it comes to misbehavior. Instead of regarding a given misbehavior as simply an error that needs...
Read MoreThe Drama of a Child's Feelings
Posted on 4/20/2021
One of the more unfortunate consequences of relying on advice from mental health “experts” concerning parenting matters has been a one-dimensional understanding of child discipline. Because of the...
Read MoreDiscipline vs. Punishment
Posted on 2/9/2021
Misusing terminology is not simply a matter of semantics. A person who confuses the meaning of words is likely to behave accordingly. That occurred to me during a conversation with...
Read MoreParents Can Recover From Not Getting Over the 'Hump of Parenting'
Posted on 10/20/2020
Q: In a recent column, you identified toddlerhood as “the hump of parenting.” As a grandmother who managed to raise five kids who were out of the house in their early twenties and are responsible...
Read MorePunishment Does Not Cause Mental Health Issues
Posted on 12/31/2019
This is the second in a series on “parent-babble,” as in the same-old, same-old nonsense the mental health industry has been passing off as sound parenting advice since the late 1960s. ...
Read MoreUse 'Alpha Speech' to Get Child to Obey
Posted on 5/14/2019
Q: My 7-year-old son, an only child, is giving me fits. He’s overly active and will not cooperate in any instruction I give him. In addition, if I tell him not to do something, it’s a guarantee...
Read MoreYou Can't Win 'Em All
Posted on 3/5/2019
I’ve been writing this column for forty-three years and speaking publicly for nearly as long. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that when it comes to my subject matter, you can’t win ‘em...
Read MoreMake 'Em an Offer They Can't Refuse
Posted on 10/16/2018
When I was a child, my most important possession was my bicycle, followed closely by my radio. My bike was how I got around. I rode it to school, friend’s houses, pick-up...
Read MoreLet’s Revisit ‘Psychological Thinking’
Posted on 7/17/2018
I call it “psychological thinking,” referring to the tendency among parents of the last fifty years or so to attribute bad behavior on the part of a child to so-called “issues” that are thought to...
Read MoreAuthoritative Attitude Is Key to Discipline
Posted on 5/2/2018
Q: We are having no success getting our 3-year-old (her third birthday is in a couple of weeks) to do what we tell her to do. She defies us at every opportunity, whether it’s just ignoring us or...
Read MoreStrike While the Iron Is Cold
Posted on 11/17/2017
Recently, a mother asked how she and her husband could make their 16-year-old son stop talking disrespectfully to them. So far, she said, they'd complained, threatened and occasionally taken his...
Read MoreStay the Course With Rebellious Teen
Posted on 5/23/2017
Q: Our 18-year-old daughter is a month away from high school graduation and she is failing nearly every class! About six months ago, she took up with a group of young adults who are less than...
Read MoreLowering the Boom
Posted on 7/7/2015
Copyright 2015, John K. Rosemond One of the most common of complaints from today’s parents is “we’ve tried everything.” They refer, of course, to having tried numerous approaches...
Read MoreThe Very Essence of Effective Discipline
Posted on 6/9/2015
Two months ago, I conducted a two-day small-group “parent retreat” during which I talked about, among other things, the legitimacy and power of “because I said so.” One of my missions is to...
Read MoreTo Spank or Not to Spank?
Posted on 10/28/2014
It’s time once again for me to clarify my position on spanking. I arrived at this reluctant conclusion because twice in the last week, I’ve been informed that I believe in it, which is...
Read MoreRoadblocks to Success in Classroom Discipline
Posted on 10/14/2014
A first-grade teacher asks what she can do about a girl in her class who is completely undisciplined. After nearly two months of this teacher’s best efforts, the child’s behavior is no better. She...
Read MoreSassy Children
Posted on 7/8/2014
Q: The "sassiness" that I have heard so much about from my friends started a few months ago with my 5-year-old daughter. She will say things to me that I actually find myself tongue-tied on how or...
Read MoreThe Ticket System for Corrective Discipline
Posted on 4/28/2014
I developed "Tickets" in response to the observation that time-out only works with children who are already fairly well behaved. (Then again, just about any demonstration of parental disapproval...
Read More"Boy" Behavior
Posted on 3/11/2014
Q: My 6-year-old son is a bright and friendly kindergartner. Each day a color coded chart is sent home about his behavior. This year he's gone through several spells during which he will have a...
Read MoreDaughter does not "Measure Up."
Posted on 2/11/2014
Q: My 5-year-old is the youngest of my 3 children. Her older boy/girl twin siblings clearly outshine her athletically. They're already very skilled at wakeboarding and snow skiing, for example. I...
Read MoreWho cleans up?
Posted on 2/4/2014
Q: I have 3 kids ages 8, 6, and 4. I need help solving the "pick up the playroom" dilemma. When an area in which they've been playing needs to be picked up and straightened, the 8-year-old always...
Read MoreKeep a Sharp Eye on Electronics
Posted on 1/28/2014
Q: Our 13-year-old son has had an iPod for the last 3 years. We've always made use of the parental restrictions to make sure that he could only access "clean" music, movies, and websites. When I...
Read MoreHurt Feelings
Posted on 12/17/2013
Q: My 6-year-old daughter has recently learned to say "You're hurting my feelings." This is part of her school's anti-bullying program. The problem is she's now saying it to me when I discipline...
Read MoreConsequences
Posted on 12/3/2013
Q: My 5-year-old son is an only child whom I homeschool. He talks back, argues, and generally wears me down. I need help getting to him to realize that no is no, that I mean what I say. I know I'm...
Read MoreOdd is just odd
Posted on 11/19/2013
The mother of a 4-year-old boy shared an interesting story with me the other day. At age 2, her son began chewing meat to the point where it became liquid, but would not swallow. The parents...
Read MoreKicking Out of the Garden of Eden [Explained]
Posted on 10/6/2013
Kicking the child out of the Garden of Eden John's "Garden of Eden" statement: Other Q and A or articles about this method may be searched by using the keyword "Garden" Below is detailed...
Read MoreDiscipline Problems
Posted on 10/1/2013
Most parents describe discipline problems as if they are "coming out" of their kids, that the problems in question reveal facets of their kids' personalities-things like "strong-willed."...
Read MoreGifted ... With Laziness
Posted on 8/20/2013
Q: Our 9-year-old son Bobby is very intelligent and capable of doing good work in school when he wants to, but he is generally just downright lazy. As a result, he makes mediocre grades and we...
Read MoreYelling - Not Good for Parent or Child
Posted on 7/16/2013
"I'm a yeller," she said, she being the mother of three young children. "No," I replied, "you're not. There is no genetic predisposition toward yelling, and no biochemical or...
Read MoreRadical Parenting Philosophies
Posted on 6/18/2013
If my parents told me once, they told me at least one hundred times, "Don't talk to anyone about their religious or political beliefs." They meant, of course, that those topics are likely to...
Read MoreLast Chance for Major Change
Posted on 2/5/2013
Q: Our 17-year-old is a highly spoiled underachiever. As a junior in high school, he's failing two classes and borderline in the rest. We know that his problems are largely due to our parenting...
Read MoreNine year old Refuses to go to her room
Posted on 1/15/2013
Q: What should I do when my 9-year-old daughter loses all of her privileges because of her misbehavior but refuses to go to her room? I tried to physically force her, but she put up too much of a...
Read MoreOne Year Old Slapping Parents and Screaming
Posted on 11/8/2011
Punishment may fail with toddlers, but try a firm 'no' Q: My 1-year-old has started slapping us. He also screams a lot, often for no reason, or at least we can't figure out the reason. He won't...
Read MoreBehavior Modification Methods Do Not Work with Children
Posted on 10/25/2011
Kids aren't trained like rats in mazes Once upon a time, I thought, as did and still do many if not most people in my profession, that behavior modification was going to make the discipline of...
Read More3-Year-Old Girl Disruptive Behavior
Posted on 6/28/2011
Discipline bad behavior - don't psychoanalyze it Q. About a year ago, my husband and I underwent a major move with our 3-year-old. Six months later, I gave birth to twins. Needless to say, our...
Read More4-Year-Old Girl - Using Ticket Method for Improved Behavior
Posted on 6/21/2011
Stick with the tickets and stay on track Q: Using the "ticket method" you have described, I began my 4-year-old daughter's rehabilitation program this week. When she loses all five of her...
Read More5-Year-Old Girl Neediness
Posted on 4/5/2011
I'm-growing-up list for neediness Q: My daughter, who is 5, relies on me far too much. All through the day, she asks me to do simple things for her like get her a glass of water or help her put...
Read MoreDiscipline Issues
Posted on 3/22/2011
Flyswatter approach to discipline fails The human desire for short-term gratification is getting stronger all the time as technology and fast food, among other things, deliver satisfaction in...
Read More4-Year-Old Girl Correcting Older Sibling
Posted on 2/15/2011
Q. Our 4-year-old daughter is constantly correcting her 9-year-old brother. She tells him - to use a recent example - that he's making noise when he drinks something, then proceeds to show him how...
Read MoreGrandchildren's Behavior at Grandparents' House
Posted on 12/7/2010
Talk to adult kids about grandkids Q. Whenever our two adult children, their spouses and our four school-age grandchildren (tweenagers, all) visit us, chaos reigns. The children are wild. They...
Read MoreChildren Adapt to Differing Discipline Styles
Posted on 11/3/2009
CHILDREN ADAPT TO DIFFERING RULES Q. I am a full-time nanny living with a single dad and his four young sons. The dad has given me free rein to deal with the kids and discipline them as I see...
Read MoreConsequence Needs to Produce Permanent Memory for 6-Year-Old Tantrum
Posted on 9/29/2009
ISSUING CONSEQUENCES EQUALS WELL-BEHAVED CHILDREN From the Mailbag: A Charlotte woman writes to the Observer that I should get out in the real world more and meet the "mothers and fathers of...
Read MoreTrain Children to Behave in Public
Posted on 9/15/2009
RESPECT YOUR FELLOW DINERS - TEACH CHILDREN TABLE MANNERS "I feel a column coming on, " my wife said, doing her usual read-my-mind thing. It was another superb nine o'clock in the morning in...
Read MoreUse of the The Doctor to Abandon Certain Behaviors
Posted on 6/23/2009
SORRY, DEAR READER: 'THE DOCTOR' IS IN More from the mailroom: Reader Objects to My Favorite Therapist: One woman believes that I am wrong to invent "The Doctor" as a means of persuading...
Read MoreDiscipline is the Process by Which a Child is Taught to Think Properly
Posted on 5/5/2009
THINK DIRECTION, NOT CONSULTATION In her 1963 essay, "Total Effect and the Eighth Grade, " Flannery O'Connor's purpose was to argue for requiring children to read the classics that defined...
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