John's Articles
School Principal Asks About Discipline
Posted on 10/25/2022
Q: I am a principal at a private church-affiliated school. Contrary to my graduate school training and most of my peers’ practice, I believe disciplinary actions should "fit the crime."...
Read MoreOn Chores, Discipline, Potty-Training
Posted on 3/29/2022
Q: When I give my 5-year-old daughter a chore, she does it, but all the while she is muttering under her breath, huffing and puffing, and so on. Do I discipline that behavior or just let her...
Read MoreIn Defense of ‘Because I Said So'
Posted on 2/1/2022
Q: Concerning chores, another expert recommends giving a child a certain number of chips, like poker chips, every month and if he or she fails to do a chore or doesn’t do it properly, you take a...
Read MoreTeaching Financial Responsibility to Teens
Posted on 9/14/2021
Q: My two young teens are constantly begging me to buy them clothes. It’s become highly annoying. After reading your book on teenagers, I’ve decided to stop buying them any clothing and give them...
Read MoreThe Biggest Problem Teachers Face Is Parents
Posted on 7/13/2021
When I ask a teacher, “What is the biggest problem you face?” the answer – there has never been an exception – is “parents.” That is certainly a recent phenomenon. My parents were...
Read MoreFour Steps To Give Argumentative Teenager the Last Word (and Restore Sanity)
Posted on 6/8/2021
Q: My fifteen-year-old daughter is slowly driving me insane! She argues with me about everything and always wants the last word. No matter how well I explain the “why?” of a decision to her, she...
Read MoreMicromanaging Child Always Produces Conflicts
Posted on 2/23/2021
A therapist takes a 10-year-old boy into what she calls “therapy.” The young fellow is belligerently defiant toward his parents and throws titanic tantrums when things don’t go his way. At school...
Read MoreBeware of 'The Protocol'
Posted on 12/29/2020
Q: Our son is seven years old and in the second grade. His school went virtual this past Spring and we see no end to it, not in the near term at least. When he was going to a brick-and-mortar...
Read MoreParents Can Recover From Not Getting Over the 'Hump of Parenting'
Posted on 10/20/2020
Q: In a recent column, you identified toddlerhood as “the hump of parenting.” As a grandmother who managed to raise five kids who were out of the house in their early twenties and are responsible...
Read MoreThe Realities of Smartphones and Teenagers
Posted on 9/20/2020
A mother in California seeks her pastor’s opinion on allowing her fifteen-year-old son to have a smartphone. The boy claims that if he can’t use social media, he will have no friends. Mom is...
Read MoreWhy Small Classrooms Are Overrated
Posted on 5/5/2020
No rational person would argue that the smaller the class size, the better, right?” asked the radio talk show host. “I think I’m a rational person,” I said, “and I can offer proof...
Read MoreIn Defense of Homeschooling
Posted on 4/28/2020
In his November 1863 address at Gettysburg, Abraham Lincoln proclaimed that the men who lost their lives on that battlefield had done so in order that “government of the people, by the people and...
Read MoreFather's Visitation With Child Should Be Allowed
Posted on 1/15/2020
Q: Our ten-year-old granddaughter lives with us. We have custody of her but her father, our son, is now asking us for visitation privileges. I probably don’t need to tell you that both he and his...
Read MoreIt Is Not Necessary to Help Your Child With Homework
Posted on 11/26/2019
After a recent talk in South Florida, women came up to me in droves asking, “How much should I help my children with their schoolwork?” That not one man asked the question...
Read MoreIn Today's Parenting, Feelings Trump the Truth
Posted on 11/19/2019
Okay, it’s time to set the record straight, confront the gorilla in the proverbial room, call a spade a spade, and so on and so forth. I recently published a column on “The...
Read MoreChildren Do Best in School When Parents Do Not Monitor Progress
Posted on 10/29/2019
The Portal. It sounds like something out of a science fiction novel, the gateway to an alternative universe that lures, then traps the unwary in its nefarious web of illusion, where things are...
Read MoreTeenage Girls and Boys Respond to Technology Differently
Posted on 10/2/2019
Q: We held off giving our oldest daughter a smartphone until she was fifteen, the age at which we allowed her older brother to have one. We read your column weekly in our hometown newspaper and...
Read MoreTeen Not a Suicide Risk
Posted on 7/23/2019
My recent column pertaining to a 12-year-old who told his parents he’d thought about suicide several times over the past six months stirred a fair number of folks to respond. Feelings toward the...
Read MoreHow to Talk to Teens About Internet Pornography
Posted on 7/16/2019
Q: We recently discovered that our 12-year-old has been visiting pornography sites of all sorts on the Internet. When we caught him red-handed, he began crying and said he is addicted. Apparently,...
Read MoreMake 'Em an Offer They Can't Refuse
Posted on 10/16/2018
When I was a child, my most important possession was my bicycle, followed closely by my radio. My bike was how I got around. I rode it to school, friend’s houses, pick-up...
Read MoreExchange Arrangements Stressful to Pre-Teen Daughter
Posted on 9/12/2018
Q: I am reading your book “The Well-Behaved Child” and have a question that it doesn’t address. I am a single mom with children from two different fathers. One of my ex-husbands (my son’s father)...
Read MoreThe Peer Group: When to Do Something, What to Do, and When to Do Nothing
Posted on 5/1/2018
No question about it, the peer group exerts great influence on teenagers. From the way they dress to the way they carry their books, the stamp of peer pressure is upon them. If the influence is...
Read MoreMicromanaging Weakens Child's Success in School
Posted on 8/22/2017
Q: Our son attends first grade at the local public school. At the beginning of the school year, all the parents were basically told that we are expected to go to the school’s parent website every...
Read MoreTake the Drama out of Math Homework
Posted on 8/30/2016
Q: Our sixth-grade son has always been an excellent math student. This year, however, he melts down every time he does math homework. Within minutes, he becomes highly agitated, begins crying,...
Read MoreSelecting the Right Private School
Posted on 8/16/2016
Q: We are looking for a private school for our 4-year-old. Regardless of the school we ultimately choose, we want to keep him there through eighth grade at least. We live in an suburban area so...
Read MoreMisplacing a Sense of Purpose
Posted on 12/9/2014
Q: My buddy’s wife walks their 11-year-old into the classroom each day. Then she takes out his assignments and helps him get ready. We’re talking about a very capable kid who has no...
Read MorePull-Ups & Adoption Age
Posted on 9/16/2014
Q: My 23-month-old son does well with potty training when we’re at home. We use a “potty bell” and he goes every 90 minutes or so. When we’re away from home, however, he seems clueless. He...
Read MoreImpulse Control: A Hallmark of Life
Posted on 8/5/2014
A mom recently asked me what I would say to my son if he was twelve years old and wanted a Mohawk haircut for the summer. I told her I’d say no. “But is it really that...
Read MoreTo Help or Not To Help?
Posted on 6/3/2014
I recently asked a group of 50 teachers: “Raise your hand if you agree that when a child comes to an adult asking for help with an academic problem, the adult should help.” ...
Read MoreGood Parenting Decisions
Posted on 5/20/2014
Q: For the first five years of her life, it was just me and my now 13-year-old daughter. I didn’t have a clue as to what I was doing. I wasn’t consistent; I didn’t hold her accountable; I was an...
Read MoreToo Old to Cuddle?
Posted on 4/15/2014
Q: My 11-year old son, an only child, continues to ask me to "snuggle" with him and scratch his back at bed time. This is a time for us to read aloud, chat about concerns or questions, and say...
Read MoreThe "Hang in There Principle"
Posted on 11/26/2013
Q: My 11-year-old son cuts corners on everything. If he does a chore, he'll leave the cleaning products behind. If his bed his hard to make he hides the sheet in the closet and throws the blanket...
Read MoreTheir Biology Makes Them Do It!
Posted on 10/22/2013
The "their biology makes them do it!" hypothesis concerning the oft-horrid behavior of today's teens keeps on rolling along, charming parents of said teens into the comforting belief that...
Read MoreWhat No Child Has Ever Said!
Posted on 10/8/2013
Q: My 5-year-old daughter has developed a bad habit of arguing with me whenever I refuse her something, anything. Believe me when I tell you she is relentless. She will continue to argue until...
Read MoreKicking Out of the Garden of Eden [Explained]
Posted on 10/6/2013
Kicking the child out of the Garden of Eden John's "Garden of Eden" statement: Other Q and A or articles about this method may be searched by using the keyword "Garden" Below is detailed...
Read MoreBenefit of the Doubt
Posted on 9/3/2013
The statute of limitations has expired concerning the following tale, so I can finally tell it. In October of my now 40-something year-old son Eric's seventh-grade year, he informed me...
Read MoreMother-Son-Dance?
Posted on 1/28/2013
Q: Our two sons are in the fifth and sixth grades at a private school that just held a father-daughter dance. Now the school has announced that it's putting on a mother-son dance so as not to...
Read MoreLeave the Homework to the Child
Posted on 8/23/2011
<i>As the new school year begins, it's time for me, once again, to make my perennial case against parental involvement in homework.</i> First, it is significant to note that as...
Read More12-Year-Old Girl Running in Circles
Posted on 8/16/2011
Daughter is running in circles - literally Q. Our 12-year-old daughter seems driven to run in circles. For years now, often many times a day, she will suddenly start jogging in a big circle...
Read More11-Year-Old Girl Obsessed with Getting Dirty or Wet
Posted on 8/9/2011
Backpack full of trouble? Q. Our 11-year-old daughter is obsessed about getting dirty or being wet, to the point where she won't leave the house without carrying a backpack with a change of...
Read MoreKids Hitting Parents
Posted on 2/22/2011
A hidden abuse problem: Kids who assault parents One of the more heartbreaking consequences of the "psychological" parenting philosophy and style that American parents began adopting in the...
Read More12-Year-Old Girl Using Baby Talk
Posted on 12/14/2010
Stop the baby talk Q: When she is happy or receiving a lot of my attention, my 12-year-old daughter often speaks in "baby talk." Examples: "I wub you" and "You my mommy." When she's in one of...
Read MorePreteen Boy Melancholy Issue
Posted on 11/9/2010
Parents can't 'fix' disposition One of the defining beliefs of this technological age is that with enough ingenuity and perseverance, any problem can be solved. It's a misbelief, actually,...
Read MoreFifth Grade Boy School Issues
Posted on 11/2/2010
Parent wishes school would act on discipline Q: Our son's fifth-grade teacher has recently sent home notes to the effect that our little darling isn't paying attention and is missing homework...
Read More12-Year-Old Girl Tone of Voice
Posted on 9/7/2010
Child's requests drip with coating of attitude Q: "It's how you say it." I've preached this consistently for years with no improvement. My 12-year-old will ask me a question or ask me to help...
Read MoreSixth Grade Son Excessive Homework Load
Posted on 8/3/2010
How much homework is too much in sixth grade? Q: My son will be starting sixth grade at a new public charter school. This school uses a classical curriculum that does not draw from pop culture...
Read More6th Grader Required to Watch TV by School
Posted on 10/20/2009
Along the same lines: A mother relates that her daughter's sixth-grade science teacher assigned the class to watch "American Idol." The mother writes, "We told our daughter to forget it, it wasn't...
Read More11-Year-Old Boy Dealing with School Bully
Posted on 8/18/2009
DEALING WITH A SCHOOL BULLY Q: Here we are, not more than a week into the school year, and there's an 11-year-old boy classmate who is beginning to bully my son - pushing him in the hall,...
Read More12-Year-Old Boy Girlfriend Advice
Posted on 7/28/2009
DON'T HOUND PRETEEN SON OVER PUPPY LOVE Q.Our 12-year- old son likes a girl who is in the same grade. We told him it's okay to like a girl and have a pleasant conversation with her in a group...
Read MoreConsequences Do Not Compel Human Beings
Posted on 12/23/2008
CONSEQUENCES DON'T FORCE GOOD BEHAVIOR American parents believe in behavior modification. They believe that the same principles that govern the behavior of a dog also govern human...
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