John's Articles

Parents' Hard-Line Stance Will Serve Their Sons Well

Posted on 12/9/2008

PARENTS' HARD-LINE STANCE WILL SERVE THEIR SONS WELL Every so often, and usually just as I am about to resign myself to the folly of postmodern parenting, I run across a story involving parents...

Give Older Children Some Freedom

Posted on 10/21/2008

GIVE OLDER CHILDREN SOME FREEDOM TO ROAM From the time I was 12, my parents would let me walk from our house in Westchester, Ill., to the bus stop five blocks away, catch a bus to the...

12-Year-Old Boy Unmotivated

Posted on 4/29/2008

PARENTS OBSESS OVER SO-CALLED FLAWS Today's parents tend to believe that behavior, any behavior, can be modified by properly manipulating reward and punishment. That was in fact the utopian...

Boy Siblings Speak Mean to One Another

Posted on 3/18/2008

WHEN CHILDREN SQUABBLE, IT'S USUALLY BEST NOT TO INTERVENE Q. Should I punish my boys - ages 12, 9, and 8 - when they speak very meanly to one another? They say things like "You're stupid" and...

School Uniforms Restrict Kids Choices

Posted on 8/14/2007

SCHOOL UNIFORMS RESTRICT KIDS' CHOICES (THAT'S A GOOD THING) Whenever I hear parents arguing for their children's "right of expression," I can't help but suspect that these are parents who...

Ticket Method for Discipline

Posted on 5/1/2007

WANT A WAY TO TRAIN CHILDREN TO BEHAVE? HERE'S THE TICKET Q: John, several other parents have told me about your "ticket" method for dealing with misbehavior, but I wonder if I can get it...

8th Grader - Defiant, School Issues, and Video Games

Posted on 2/13/2007

THROW AWAY THE XBOX, AND YOU'LL CHANGE SON'S ATTITUDE Q:Our eighth-grade son is obviously intelligent, and is in his school's gifted and talented program. Furthermore, he scored in the top 5...

Pay 12-Year-Old to Babysit?

Posted on 8/1/2006

Pay son to baby-sit? Q: Our 12-year-old son baby-sits his two sisters, ages 8 and 3. We are not sure whether we should pay him and, if so, the amount, or if we should expect him to perform this...

It's Never Too Late to Teach the Three R's

Posted on 3/17/2006

In order for a child to become successful at the three R's of reading, 'riting, and 'rithmetic, their parents must first teach them the three R's of respect, responsibility, and...

11- and 14-Year-Old Computer Use

Posted on 9/13/2005

SUPERVISE CHILDREN'S INTERNET USE ESTABLISH FIRM GUIDELINES, AND THAT SHOULD INCLUDE LOOKING AT THEIR E-MAILS Q: My husband and I have allowed our 14-year-old daughter and 11-year-old son...

Back and Forth Homeschooling 6th Grader

Posted on 2/3/2004

Q: I have home-schooled my sixth-grade daughter on and off through elementary school. This school year, I home-schooled her until October, at which time she said she wanted to go to "real" school...

Children and Computers

Posted on 5/27/2003

LIMIT KIDS' PC USE TILL THEY'RE LITERATE Were he alive today, Samuel Taylor Coleridge might well have written, "PCs, PCs in every class, and no child is made to think." Psychologist Jane...

10-Year-Old Bullied by 13- and 15-Year-Old

Posted on 1/1/2002

LET THE LAW STEP IN TO HANDLE BULLIES Sometimes, I hear a parenting story that just warms my heart, that just makes me want to jump up and shout "Amen!" Sometimes, having forgotten that I am no...

9- and 12-Year-Old Don't Want to do Chores

Posted on 2/13/2001

NAGGING IS WRONG TACTIC IN CHORE WARS Q. Our 12-year-old son and 9-year-old daughter share animal chores on our family farm in the evenings. Every night we have to remind them, and they always...

12-Year-Old in Danger of Failing 6th Grade

Posted on 2/15/2000

ONLY YOUR 6TH-GRADER CAN DECIDE HE SHOULD GET SERIOUS ABOUT SCHOOL Q. Our 12-year-old son is in danger of failing the sixth grade and, as usual, doesn't seem to care. Everyone agrees he's...

11-Year-Old Disobeys Mom Concerning Movie

Posted on 9/21/1999

MORAL OF THIS STORY: STAND FIRM, PARENTS The following is "Parenting at its Best" - a true tale of parenting courage under fire. Kate and Will (not their real names) have three children,...

12-Year-Old Athlete Not Maintaining Good Grades

Posted on 7/21/1998

GRADES SLIPPED; MUST CHILD MISS SOCCER TOURNAMENT? Q. Four years ago, we adopted an 8-year-old girl with multiple developmental and behavior problems. Prior to joining our family, she had been...

School Shootings: Guns are not the Problem

Posted on 6/9/1998

GUNS ARE NOT THE PROBLEM; NEW LACK OF DISCIPLINE IS For reasons obvious to all except those who've been on an extended media fast, the 1997-98 school year may well become known as the "Year of...

Couple Wants to Know How to Tell 6- and 9-Year Old About Divorce

Posted on 4/22/1997

IF YOU'RE DIVORCING, BREAK NEWS TO KIDS GENTLY, CLEARLY, QUICKLY Q. My wife and I have decided to get a divorce. We haven't told our two children, ages 9 and 6, and want to do so in as...

Sibling Conflict: 3 Siblings Do Not Like One Another

Posted on 11/10/1995

SIBLING RIVALRY: YOU CAN CONTROL IT Q. Our three children, ages 15, 13, and 11, constantly bicker with one another. We've tried talking to them about how important it is to have good...

11-Year-Old is Angry and Resentful Toward Mom

Posted on 2/4/1994

DAUGHTER IS JUST PLAIN DISRESPECTFUL Q. My 11-year-old daughter has recently started expressing a lot of anger and bottled-up resentment toward me. Just this morning, for example, I remarked...

6th Grader Having Problem with Teacher

Posted on 1/21/1994

WHO DO YOU SUPPORT IN KID-TEACHER CONFLICT? GO WITH AUTHORITY; BACK THE ADULT Q. My daughter is having what I can only call a "personality conflict'' with one of her sixth-grade teachers. I...

Let Child Have the Last Word - Part 3 (Teen)

Posted on 11/12/1993

THOUGH STILL RUDE, TEEN DOES AS SHE IS TOLD My last two columns, both extolling the advantages of letting children have "the last word,'' have struck a familiar chord among some readers....

Let Child Have the Last Word - Part 2 (15-Year-Old)

Posted on 11/5/1993

WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THAT KIDS COMPLY; GOOD ATTITUDE' ISN'T NECESSARY In last week's column, I said that when a child doesn't like a parental decision, the parent should let the child have the...

Let Child Have the Last Word - Part 1 (12-Year-Old)

Posted on 10/29/1993

GO AHEAD, GIVE YOUR CHILD THE LAST WORD There was a look of desperation, I thought, a look of last resort, in this prematurely gray mother's eyes. "What can I do,'' she asked pleadingly, "with...

Don't Just Wait Until Father Gets Home; Make Kid Obey Mom, Too

Posted on 6/4/1993

Q. Our 11-year-old will not obey his mother. In addition, he refuses to accept time-out (in a dining room chair) from her and becomes physical if she tries to make him go. There's not a weekday...

8th Grader Has Troubling Friends

Posted on 7/17/1992

WORRIED THAT KID'S FRIENDS ARE BAD NEWS? One day during Eric's eighth-grade year, a friend called to warn me of the crowd Eric had recently started hanging with. I'd met the boys to whom he...

11-Year-Old Has Issue with Anger

Posted on 7/10/1992

FOCUS ON DISOBEDIENCE, NOT ANGER, IN 11-YEAR-OLD Q. Our 11-year-old son has a problem with anger. This has always been an issue, but the older he gets, the worse it becomes. Within the last...

Teach Children to Respect Adults Regardless if You Like Them

Posted on 6/12/1992

DON'T BE AFRAID TO TEACH CHILDREN TO RESPECT ADULTS I don't often invite someone else to co-write this column, but every now and then a letter comes across my desk that is so pertinent, so...

Appropriate Consequences for 12-Year-Old

Posted on 1/17/1992

AUTOMATIC PUNISHMENT FITS EVERY MISBEHAVIOR Q. We're having a problem coming up with appropriate punishments for our 12-year-old son. He's not a big problem, but like all children his age, he...

11-Year-Old Having Scary Thoughts

Posted on 5/13/1990

THOSE SCARY THOUGHTS OF PUBERTY ARE MOSTLY MENTAL GROWING PAINS Q: Our 11-year-old daughter recently told me she has been having "scary thoughts" lately, including thoughts of dying, us being...

Give Teens More Freedom with Responsibility

Posted on 3/5/1989

RESPONSIBILITY COMES ALONG WITH FREEDOM When Eric and Amy were in their early teens, my wife and I made an astonishing announcement to each of them. We said, in effect, "We don't want to be...

11-Year-Old No Longer Close to Parents

Posted on 12/25/1988

KEEP THE LINES OPEN, BUT DON'T CALL TOO OFTEN Q. A communication problem has recently developed between us and our 11- year-old son. We used to be very close and affectionate toward one...

6th Grader Homework Problem

Posted on 8/28/1988

LET TEACHER SOLVE PROBLEM Q. Our son started sixth grade this year. In years past, he's had a problem taking responsibility for his homework. As a result, his father and I have had to stay on...

12-Year-Old Homework Issue

Posted on 7/24/1988

PARENTS, STOP POLICING LAZY 6TH GRADER'S HOMEWORK Q. Short of taking him to a psychiatrist, my husband and I have tried everything we can think of to solve the problem we're having with our...

Can 12-Year-Old Inherit Father's Alcoholic Disease?

Posted on 7/10/1988

IT'S NOT YET CERTAIN THAT ALCOHOLISM IS A DISEASE A single mother recently asked me what the chances were of her 12-year-old son inheriting his alcoholic father's "disease." "Why do you...

12-Year-Old Hanging Around Wrong Crowd

Posted on 2/28/1988

12-YEAR-OLD HAS TO MAKE OWN MISTAKES TO LEARN Q. Our 12-year-old son has always been well-behaved, responsible and honest. This year, he started junior high school and begin hanging around...

5th Grader Homework and School Issues

Posted on 10/25/1987

MAKE CHILDREN RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR HOMEWORK This is a true story about a fifth grade boy and his school year. In October of that year, Tequila's teacher called his parents and told them he...

Parents' Responsibility Toward Music

Posted on 10/20/1985

PARENTS' RESPONSIBILITY TOWARD MUSIC I played in a rock 'n' roll band for seven years - from 1965 to 1972. We were not, by the way, your average Top 40 unit. No sir, we played real...

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