13 year old rebel without a rational cause


I have a soon to be thirteen year old daughter. It was her and I for the first five years. I totally admit that I didn’t have a clue as to what I was doing. I wasn’t consistent; I didn’t hold her accountable and her behavior towards ME – showed. When I remarried, my husband would try to tell me, but I was in denial. Finally after 6 years I opened my eyes and saw how she treated me, her stepfather and at times her siblings. I started to hold her accountable, along with being more consistent. I’ve taken electronics away, assigned extra chores, sent her to her room for a day or two and it seems to work for a few days, esp. when IPod is gone, she’s the sweetest child ever. But before I know it-it’s right back to square one, esp. after a weekend with her dad, she usually comes in with a chip on her shoulder or the minute I tell her “no”. Lately she’s been yelling that I don’t love her, she’s going to live with her dad once she turns fourteen, she wishes she was dead, and I/everyone hates her. I took away her IPod for a day for her defiant behavior and she got so angry that she threw her IPod down, which broke into pieces and of course it was my fault for taking it away for a stupid reason. I told her that she would not get a replacement for a very long time, regardless if she has the money or not. Considering I can’t take her IPod away anymore, should I come up with a different consequence for her defiance or not allowing her to replace the broken one enough? I’m tempted to do empty her “garden”, but I stop and wonder if I’m going too far. I feel like she’s always in trouble for attitude (mainly for disrespect) and our relationship will deteriorate even more if I take this next step. Thank You So Much!!

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